Satisfied

When is it ever enough?  Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that?  Or, are you a person that is never satisfied?  I, as some of you know, am not like that at all.  This topic came on Saturday night and it’s been with me since then.  I know everybody is different and I’m in the minority for thinking the way I do, but I don’t really find myself wanting more from this life.  Aside from my spiritual life, there is really nothing else that I want.  Of course, materialistic people that might happen to stumble upon this blog of mine may call me a complete idiot, but I’ll say this.  This isn’t the last stop for me.  My true reward waits for me in heaven if I can get myself together enough to live in a State of Grace and die in it as well.  That’s not an easy thing to do by any means, especially with the company I choose to keep, but it’s the choice I have made and continue to make.

Anyway, back to the point, after my homie was talking about a co-worker of his who asked him what he planned to do in the future and he started to talk about it, I immediately thought of my own response.  What triggered it was the thing that said co-worker asked him, “You don’t plan to do this the rest of your life, do you?”  Now granted, what I do is not the best job in the world or whatever, but it’s not an entry level job either and it provides me with all of the income that I need to survive.  In reality, that’s all I need.  I’m a man of simple needs.  Growing up with everything that I needed but humbly ingrained that mindset into me, I think.  It’s really that and my religious beliefs that do it, to be honest.  Matthew, chapter 5, aka the Sermon on the Mount/ The Beatitudes is what I’m talking about.  I try my best to live my life by that and honestly add Matthew Chapter 6 to that list as well.

See, I can’t wrap my head around the notion of continuing to move jobs just to get a higher paying wage.  I don’t understand the need for wealth, and overpriced possessions.  Whenever our number is called and we choose where we want to go (because it really is our choice by our actions about where our ultimate destination will be), our possessions will not go with us.  So, that flash car, those overpriced name brand clothes, and that giant house that you got to impress people with are going to stay here.  It’s pointless.  I’ve always thought that way since I became of the age of relative reason.  Having that mindset, however, has probably caused the loss of opportunities in my life, well when it comes to the love life department at least.  I mean, who the hell would want a humble, quiet, and simple man who doesn’t wear fancy clothes, lives in a good sized apartment, and doesn’t drive a flashy car?  Not very many if at all.  Hahahaha!

I’ll admit it.  I’m a very boring dude.  I find joy in the simplest of things.  A great song, a funny movie, an interesting conversation, a thought provoking podcast, watching the sun rise and/or set are just some of the things that I find joy in.  I don’t need to be the top dog wherever I am.  I don’t need to have the most expensive car, the biggest house, the most “friends”, none of that.  I just need to get myself onto the right path to make it to heaven to be in bliss for eternity.  Whatever and whoever God decides to bless me with along the way is perfectly fine for me.

 

“Introvert

An introvert generally prefers solitary activities to interacting with large groups of people. If you would rather work through your feelings in your diary than have a conversation, then you are an introvert.  Introvert comes from Latin intro-, “inward,” and vertere, “turning.” It describes a person who tends to turn inward mentally. Introverts sometimes avoid large groups of people, feeling more energized by time alone.”

That description comes directly from here and that pretty much describes me.  I’ve always been that way, actually.  It’s all thanks to my mom (RIP) who was a very shy person.  I got a lot of her traits, all good ones by the way, and the two that I find to be most prominent happen to be the kindness (to a fault most of the damn time) and the introverted personality.  Sadly those two things don’t mix well as I always put others before myself and find myself doing things and going places that quite frankly I have zero interest in doing or going to.  That’s not to say that I don’t have fun going to places or whatnot, but I find myself happiest on my own or with my small circle of friends.  I’ll say this about it right now too; it’s not a bad thing or a thing I should be ashamed about, so get off my ass if you feel differently because honestly I don’t care.  Your opinions have been noted, but they clash with mine and not to be a dick, I value my opinion on that matter more than other’s on the subject.

Anyway, I say all of this to say that in the time that I’ve been really alone (for the most part) the past few months, I’ve found that I’ve had a renewed energy that has given fresh prospective and vitality into my life.  I still can’t get the ideal schedule I want to have really started, but hey, unless I die soon I’ll get there!  All I know is that I’m probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time, probably ever, thanks to the things that have been going on in my life.  I’ve had so much fun these past couple of months!  I’ve gotten to spend quality time with my best friends by playing music, singing songs, and drinking of course.  I also got the chance to really explore the greater Southwest with one of my very dear friends for two weeks and by doing that it made me remember about just how blessed I am to live where I do.  El Paso and the 800 miles in every direction around us here is so unique.  It’s something that I take for granted until I’m reminded about just how beautiful things are here in the desert Southwest.  So much history, so many different locations that are one of a kind here on our planet, the people, everything… I take it all for granted until it gets brought to my attention.  It was so much fun to visit the Grand Canyon, drive through northern Arizona into the Las Vegas Metroplex and back down into Phoenix and see just how many habitat changes occur from place to place.  Then of course, seeing Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands which for the latter is a one of a kind place in the world, just made me feel like such an idiot for not going to check these places out more often.  For as much crap that I talk about hating on New Mexico, that state is badass for camping, hiking, and national parks/monuments.

Which brings me to my next thought.  Getting to actually do more of these things!  My friends, dare I say family, and I have been talking about going out to these places more often but our stupid lives keep getting in the way!  I think that after this year of transition that we’ve ALL had, next year will clear up and allow us to go camping more, go hiking more, and go to these places in the area that we take for granted.

In the beautiful words of a homegirl of mine, I need to get my shit together.  I think I am.  Every day, I’m becoming more and more of the person that I’ve always strived to be.  That person is a man who is sure of his path in life.  That path is full of happiness, the perfect friends, and the perfect peace in himself.  I’m almost there, man.  I can see it within my reach.  There is one more thing though.  I think that Dr. Emmett L. Brown said it best when he said, “Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!”

Hahaha!

Until next time, my friends.

Jesus and I love you!