Happy Monday to you all! Here in the United States the holiday season has just begun to kick off. This Thursday brings Thanksgiving and the slightly less than a month wait to Christmas. As my last post indicated, I was pretty excited about it until last week put my excitement in check. To make a long story short, my best friend in the whole world drove down from Salt Lake City to here in El Paso with his parents but for a sad reason. His paternal grandfather passed away. He knew it was coming, as his grandfather was in hospice care and they gave him just about the amount of time it ended up taking for him to pass away. It was still good to see him as we ended up having a great heart to heart on Sunday, and I ended up spending time with his family on Monday.
If that wasn’t bad enough, after pretty much feeling like death thanks to the severe lack of sleep all day Tuesday, my day went from bad to extremely bad by the afternoon. I found out that my grandmother had fallen at home and ended up fracturing her left hip and on the same day, one of my best friends/bandmates drove himself to the hospital and ended up being admitted for what ended up being nearly a weeklong stay. Tuesday was the worst, however, because there was a lot of despair and confusion when it came to my grandma’s situation. We, as a family, had to decide how to proceed with first the immediate medical issue, then later on, how to deal with the overall grandparents situation. I can’t remember if I blogged about this or not last year, but when grandpa went down with his many health issues last year, it was very difficult emotionally for me to handle. Ever since my last stint with hotel work I’ve had emotional issues, to be honest. I used to joke about things like that about being emotionally scarred or people not being able to handle something or a job making people crazy, but my experience has proven those jokes wrong. I’m now left with anxiety and panic attack issues and I cannot handle stress very well. I avoid it and situations that cause me anxiety or stress like the black plague. In an odd twist, I’ve found that I cannot handle any sort of family emergency well either as all cool I may have I lose really quickly. So, with all that said, when my sister told me that my grandma had fallen and fractured her hip, my already fragile emotional state went into a tailspin. I went straight to the hospital after work and did my best to keep it together when I went up to my grandmother’s room. Thankfully she wasn’t displaying pain, so that made me feel better, but the “future tripping” of mine started to kick in quickly. What does that mean with our situation with grandpa? He isn’t self sufficient anymore and we all work. Who’s going to take care of him? And now grandma is down for the count for a while… will she be able to recover? Will she be well enough to go back to the way things were before the injury? If not, what do we do? *insert panic attack here*. It was bad. I stayed at the hospital for a couple of hours then I drove home in the steady rain, which did nothing for my desire to race home to my safe zone. We, as an entire family, decided that surgery was the way to go, and her surgery was scheduled for the next day. I took half the day off to be there for my family, and it was there that I found out that the bit of discomfort my dad had in his neck and shoulder had gotten worse. He couldn’t really hide it at the hospital as we waited for grandma to get out of surgery so I had yet another thing added to my plate. Grandma made it out fine, but my mind didn’t. I lost my cool a lot during that day. I was very short fused and I did all I could to fight off the anxiety attack that was just under the surface. After talking to my sister once we all left grandma’s bedside, I felt better as we both apologized for being jerks. I stopped to visit my friend in the hospital and once I saw he wasn’t bad off, I felt better about him.
I won’t bore you with the rest of the story, but I’ll say that now my anxiety and panic attack levels have kinda decreased a bit. Speaking of decreasing, my excitement for this holiday season has also done the same as I’m really broke to the point that I won’t be able to get anybody presents this year, my dad is in some sort of crazy chronic pain that medical science can’t pinpoint the cause of so he’s even in an arm sling, grandma is half a week into a couple of weeks of rehab, grandpa is being taken care of by family and friends of our family, and I’m left trying to keep my positive spirts intact through it all. What a festive time, right? So, wish me luck and count your blessings this year. Things could always be worse, my friends.