not what my brain had in mind, but here’s an update

Well, time has kept on passing since my last post and the earth has kept on spinning as well.  Now, by the looks of my social media posts it looks like everything is fine and I came through unscarred.  Allow me to say right now that that isn’t the entire case.  I thought I could hang out with my very good friends Mike and Nancy for a while and just listen to music and have a few pops, but it kinda didn’t turn out that way.  Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to see something I really shouldn’t have.  I’m glad that I did though.  It allowed me to see that I was nothing again.  It hurt a lot and it killed whatever good mood I was trying to force out.

Funny thing is that the next morning I woke up perfectly fine.  It’s almost like I needed my brain to realize that I am insignificant.  It’s a hard thing to forget, to be honest.  The short amount of time that I do though, oh man, so much fun!  But no, Sunday morning comes along… brain goes back to remembering that I’m nothing, and everything turned out ok.  Kinda funny when you realize things like that.  Well, it is to me at least.  I will be honest though.  I was expecting a message or two by now.  Kinda sucks, but such is life.

Don’t get me wrong though… I’m not in party mode by any means.  I’m still quite mellow and melancholy, but I’ve learned to adjust.  There are things my brain needs to remember aside from the fact that I’m nothing.  LOL.  For example, I gotta remember to cherish every single day as I get them.  Nothing in this life is guaranteed.  Take the good when you get it and be grateful for it.  Cherish it.  And finally, don’t fucking dwell on the negative.  In the beautiful words of Pantera, yesterday don’t mean shit!

It’s coming along, friends, it’s coming along.

Onto happier news, the couple of year stretch that I took being locked down here in El Paso is coming to a close.  After finding out that Steel Panther is going to be playing the House of Blues in Vegas again, I KNEW I had to go.  I mentioned the idea to Gonzo and without even thinking about it he suggested we go.  In reality, I’m not even sure that I’m going to be able to really rock it the hell out like I want to, but I think that I’ll be able to go and have a bit of fun and go to the show, for sure!  So come February 27th, a couple of us shall be rocking out to Steel Panther there at Mandalay Bay again.  I can’t wait.

Another trip came along in my head yesterday that I am also looking forward to.  I can thank the Sklar Brothers and their awesome podcast Sklarbro Country/County for.  In one of their pods, about a month ago, they took a road trip from the Los Angeles area up to San Francisco to see their beloved St. Louis Cardinals play the Giants.  It was kinda on a whim, but they did it and podded about an hour of the drive up.  It got me thinking about how much fun I’ve had the times I’ve driven up to Phoenix to see my beloved Arizona Diamondbacks play.  I wanted that experience again, so I started looking up their upcoming season.  Sure enough, it turns out that Memorial Day weekend; they are going to be at home playing against the cubs.  Perfect!  All I needed to do was book a room and get over there.  I thought and thought about it when I got home and decided to just do it.  I need to go back to thinking about myself.  Contrary to popular belief, I DO NOT just think about myself, hell, it’s actually what’s gotten me in trouble emotionally.  I ALWAYS put everybody in front of me and I’m always the person looking out to help my friends and be there for them.  With that said, I thought, it’s about fucking time you do something for yourself that makes you happy.  Quit doing what everybody else is telling you to do, or favors, or whatever the fuck.  FUCK IT ALL!  And just like that, I booked my room.

So, there you go.  Two trips, back out on the road, exploring the two cities aside from my own that I dig the most seeing things that make me happy.  Heh.  Happy.  Such an odd word.  An even stranger feeling at that.  I need to get happy again.  Do the things that I FUCKING want to do for a change.  Saying “No” when I don’t want to do something.  Things like that.

Time to keep on going down the road.  I’m hoping for good scenery along my way.  I can’t be asleep at the wheel, you know.