Peace out 2016, Holler at me 2017

This is it.  We made it, y’all.  2016 and its crazy ass has finally come to an end.  Globally, I must say we had a pretty bad year.  Lots of terrorist acts, lots of war, and lot of death of people who are known by a lot of other people came to pass this year.  I know a lot of people are upset about it and have been taking note about how bad it’s been for us as a whole.  I tend to agree with them, but in what has been my nature more strongly for the past 5.5 years, I tend to focus on the positives.  I had a lot of positive things happen in my life this year.  In January, I made the decision to not live with anxiety and a too large of amount of stress for me to handle and the positive outcomes came from there.  I did fail, however, to get started on my weight loss goals but that’s to come later.

More great things came this year.  Most notably, I cut half the commute from my drive to both work and my parish and moved to central El Paso and even though I didn’t have any reservations about it, I had no idea at how awesome it would turn out to be.   Everything that I need or like is minutes away and the peace and quiet I get now is an even bigger Godsend.   Another great thing that came about from my change mid-year was that a true nature I’ve always had really flourished like a wildfire.  That true nature I speak of is my introvert nature.  I’ve always had it, but it wasn’t until I was truly on my own that it just consumed me.  I have honestly never been as happy in my life as I am now.  It’s the greatest thing ever.  Now, I have nobody to put a fake act on for, nobody to try to conform to, etc.  I can truly be me now and me is that dude who would rather be left alone, hates and honestly feels sick down to my bones to be in a crowd of strangers for more than a few minutes, who loves to spend time with only a select group of friends, and who finds comfort in music, movies, and the general arts of all kinds.  Granted, the last thing is something that more than just introverts to, I find that I don’t have to feel weird about my musical tastes because I’m liberated to be who I want to be without judgement.

With that all said, my very positive personal life changes has brought about resentment and probably a loss of friendships along the way with it too, but if you want me to be completely honest, I’ll say that if people can’t accept who I am, who I aspire to be, and what I stand for personally, then they don’t need to be in my life.  Simple as that.  I am sick and tired of being surrounded by negativity.  Again, for the past 5 years, I’ve done my best at always living looking at the positive in things and people and I have completely stopped dwelling in the bad in people and in things.  Sure, I’m aware they exist, but I refuse to let it consume me.  I also never have held grudges, but even more so now I forget and forgive as Jesus told Peter in Matthew Chapter 18 verse 21,

“21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

I’m always going to be the same funny, happy, comedic (even horribly punny and cheesy), stupid moron.  I have no time to say out loud or to myself “remember what this jerk did to me?  F that person!”  Nah, that’s stupid.  I refuse to waste my life that way.

So, Sunday morning will bring on 2017 and the renewal of hopes and dreams for everybody, myself included.  I’ve never been one to do New Year’s resolutions, but I will say this.  I’m going to put my plans in motion to get myself in a better physical shape than round.  (LOL!) and I will continue to be the person I am regardless of the consequences of the judgements of others.  I’m going to be me and do what makes me happy.  That’s pretty much stay home, stay focused on my weight loss, laugh a lot more, spend time with the friends and family that accept me for who I am and don’t want to change me, watch more awesome movies, listen to great music, and hopefully make awesome music too.  I have plenty of room for those who want to join me, but if you don’t want to or want to get off the ride; I’m not going to stop you either.  In the words of “King” George Strait, “I ain’t here for a long time; I’m here for a good time.”

Good Enough

I’ve had one of the most interesting weeks in quite some time. Actually, it’s been more like 2 weeks that have been having me thinking about things in my life again. It all started the week of my birthday early last week. My pops shot me a text and asked if he could come over to drop off my birthday gift. I happily said of course and shortly thereafter he and his wife came over. I had such a good feeling having him over again. We talked about sports and the possibilities of fishing and camping this upcoming year and that got me all excited for the awesome times we may be having. After they left the weird thought about it all started to creep in. I wonder if he’s proud of me. I know, some of you may think that even thinking that is stupid enough, but hear me out. I mean, I know that all parents are proud of their children for one reason or another, but there are kids that happen to fail in life in one way or another you know? Some turn out to be criminals, some end up homeless or destitute, etc. You get what I’m saying. In my case, I know that he wishes I wasn’t alone. Dude won’t admit that to me or anything, but I’ve heard it from other sources that that’s how he feels. So I think about that sometimes. Is the way my life has turned out been OK for him? Is this how he thought I would turn out? Did I fail him and my mom (before she passed away 8 years ago) with the choices I made in my life? It really does make me wonder. I’ve always felt that I’ve had to live up to standards that my family set and now that I look at my life, I’m not even sure I have met them. I will say, however, that I’m happy. I’m happy with the way my life is at the current moment. I have a beautiful apartment that’s central to everywhere I need to be, I have a job that gives me very minimal stress, and I have a great group of close friends that keep me very much insane. I can’t ask for very much more. Funny thing is that the thing I had wanted previously, I’m getting now. Peace and quiet. I love silence and the serenity that it brings me. I’ve gotten all the silence I’ve needed as of late. So, back to the question about my dad. I don’t think I’ll ever find out the answer to my question because we just don’t have that type of relationship, but I hope that by him seeing that I’m happy with my life, he can be proud of me.

With that odd cloud hanging over me, I had a very strange week starting this past Monday. A few people from my past or people connected with said past came in contact with me starting this past Monday and to be honest, it put me in a very strange mood. There were plenty of events that I pretty much buried that were dug back up. I buried those things for a reason and I really didn’t want my mood to be killed, but alas there it was. I think I actually masked it well enough during the week and I really tried to get it to not effect me as much as it could have. Some people noticed, but I really think I fought off the worst of it all. Why this week of all weeks, right?!

Which brings me to a more joyous topic, Christmas! Christmas week is here and I couldn’t be happier. It’s my time to get closer to God and family alike. …AND get my Christmas music and movies in! I’ve actually been quite glued to iHeartCountryChristmas for about 2 weeks now and I still can’t get enough. I’m an idiot though! I wonder why I never purchased George Strait’s Christmas album. I need that in my life. Hahaha! But, anyway, Christmas music will be played even more by me this week and our family tradition of gathering at my grandparents house on Christmas Eve will continue this year. I’m getting the chance to bake my celebrated ham, dad’s roasting a turkey, and everybody else is bringing other dishes so that we can have a good meal with family. I can’t wait. On Sunday after Mass, I’ll be sure to be sitting on my couch watching my Christmas Film playlist while sipping on Egg Nog, Hot Chocolate, Coffee, or maybe all 3. Not at the same time, of course. And thanks to the holiday falling over the weekend, I get Monday off as well, so I can’t complain at all.

I hope you all have a great Christmas week as well. We’re almost done with 2016 (thank God!) Everything is starting new again soon enough, my friends! I’m looking forward to the change!

Birthday Fun!

So, today I turned 36.  Damn.  I’m tripping out even typing that.  I didn’t think I’d be where I am, or the person I am today many many moons ago when I thought about becoming an adult.  I’m actually glad the way things have turned out for me honestly.  Over the years friends have come, some have gone, and each day I strive to be a better person.

I thought about just how blessed I am this morning as I woke up an hour earlier than I was wanting to, but immediately opened up my birthday card that my dad and his wife had dropped off earlier in the week.  That visit actually brought along thoughts that I’ll probably share on another post, but anyway I opened up the card and immediately felt the love.  It was cool.  Hell, it actually started after Mass last night when I opened my first present.  It was George Strait’s Straight Out of the Box 2 CD boxset that my sibling gave me.  For those that don’t know, King George is my all-time favorite country music artist so I tried my best to hold the real excitement of it all!  Back to this morning though, after opening up my birthday card from dad, I made a quick playlist of songs some of my favorite artists, including Metallica, Pantera, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, George Strait, and of course Steel Panther!  Then the real fun started!  I got tweets and Facebook posts right after and thankfully they haven’t stopped since then.  What’s even crazier is that my coworkers totally streamed out the cubicle I’m at this week and gave me a KICK ASS birthday basket full of some of the things I love!

I’ll tell you something, my friends.  It’s good to feel loved by the people whom you love dearly, even if it is for one day.  I think my 36th ranks right up there with last year with family in Vegas, my 31st when I threw myself a party at Peter Piper Pizza, got my name announced like a little kid (because it’s like Chuck E. Cheese’s… kids have their birthday parties there for those that don’t know what it is.  LOL), then later on that evening we played a gig at our favorite bar to play at with family and friends around and had a great time.  I think today is ranking right up there with them.  Tonight we’re planning on going to our new favorite bar, to eat after that, then to my place to turn the party dial to a solid 11.  I’m sure you’ll see some of it on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, and/or Snapchat!

So here’s to another year, and here’s to making new friends here on WordPress as well!

What’s in a name?

Last Friday, I got into a conversation with a coworker of mine about past relationships and whatnot.  What brought that along, actually, was the fact that in our work we see a lot of names throughout the day.  Some days, like that day, I come across a name that still brings bad feelings my way.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who lives in the past and can’t get over things… I’m over my past, but at the same time I can clearly recall the negativity of the past as well.  There are really only 2 names that really top the list for me and for different reasons too.  The things that these two did to me were so bad that even the thought of them makes me shake my head in disgust over allowing myself to get so involved.

It was so odd how it all came about on Friday too.  I saw the name and thought about it for a couple of minutes then I asked my coworker if he had any ex-girlfriends/wives or ex-friends who he thought about as soon as he heard their names and sure enough there we both went on this historical diatribe of hurt feelings.  HAHAHAHA!  I shouldn’t laugh about it, but it’s just amazing the lasting effects that close relationships bring us as a species.  Why do we allow ourselves to do that, I wonder?  I mean, why do we allow ourselves to still care even years after the fact?  Romantic relationship wise, I suppose I can understand because people, in general , learn from their mistakes or at least try to and try not to repeat the same mistakes by getting themselves involved with another person similar to their last failed relationship.  This sometimes does not work out.  I found out both personally with my own experience, and oddly enough hearing the story from the coworker I was talking to.  We were both laughing over just the incredible mistakes we made thinking something to the effect of “Well, this woman doesn’t do ___ or ___ or ___ either, so there shouldn’t be any insane problems, right?!” only to find out that there was either similar madness just displayed a different way or a whole new set of problems.  As for me, the “holy smokes, this woman is a completely different type of insane!” ex-girlfriend’s actions didn’t put her on my very short list of names that brings back bad emotions.  Whew!  Thank God!  But still I wonder why some of us keep more bad memories than good ones, especially ones like this last one I mentioned.

I know that losing friendships is another type of hurt too.  It’s a different form of intimacy.  I have only really lost two friends in my life.  Oddly enough I was a common denominator between them too and at least with one of them the other person was the reason that friendship was lost.  I still don’t understand it to this day.  This person from one day to the next just dropped me like a bad habit without even giving me the chance to explain myself or fix whatever it was that was broken in the relationship.  Any time I see that name, and it’s a very very very uncommon name, just bums me out.  At least that other friendship that was lost was a decision on my part because this person ended up being a very horrible person.  They kept a lot of things from me that were only revealed after the fact.  Very creepy things too, mind you.  And don’t get me wrong, I get along with EVERYBODY!  Metalheads, dorks, nerds, gangsters, thugs, squares, loners, country folk, you name it I’m friends with them.  I draw the line at any activity that brings harm upon somebody else.  I will not be associated with anybody that does that, so once I found out this person does things like that AND to friends of mine, I severed all contact.

Anyway, the more I think about the topic now about names and the emotions we associate with them, the more I think about my life experiences.  Every day is a new chance to get things right.  To move on.  To move forward.  Take the lessons learned from your life but don’t harbor the bad.  That’s what I try to do.  That’s what I’m going to really work on this week too.  It’s my birthday week and I can’t be getting all worked up over history.  This week should and will be all about enjoying life with the people I care the most about!  Well, at least I hope that people will give me a bit of their time.

Off Topic Thoughts

Hello!  Me again!  Can you believe it’s December already?!  What the hell happened to this year?!  Where did it go?  Not that I’m complaining though because there has been a lot of negative stuff in the world that came about this year.  Actually, lots of good happened to me personally, but this year as a planet, we had a bad year.  My thoughts of some of it are to come on a future blog entry, but for this one I’d like to focus on my favorite time of the year.  Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day and the thoughts it brings.

There are quite a few times during the course of the week that I get comedically analytic about things that I wonder about.  I think I get it from my love of George Carlin (RIP!).  I always dissect things and ask the questions that people don’t normally even think about to which the guys always tell me something to the effect of “What the hell is wrong with you!?” as they laugh and or shake their head.

Well, one of those introspective thoughts came to me recently.  One of the reasons I love this time of year so much is because I LOVE to listen to Christmas music.  I’m a user of iHeartRadio and they have at least 4 different stations dedicated to nothing but Christmas music and that’s what I’ve been listening to on my way to and from work each weekday and there are a handful of classic songs out there that mention something to the effect of going back home for Christmas or wanting to go back home for the holidays and it brought up a thought.  In the words of the classic Ace song “How Long”, how long has this been going on?  I’ll admit that I’m not going to do any research on the matter and I’m just going to go off of common historical knowledge, or at least common to me, about the subject.  What I can best guess about it all is that people have always wanted to go to the bigger city to find a better and brighter future for themselves.  Fair enough, I suppose I can understand.  My question is if you hated your hometown so much, why the hell are you going back every Christmas or wishing you could if you didn’t?  Why did you leave in the first place?

I know I’m one of the freaks out there that actually loves my hometown and even though I have almost left this place on at least 4 different occasions, fate has left me here.  I’m not pissed about it at all.  The majority of my friends and family are here and I’m pretty centrally located to the places that I would like to go to do the things I love to do like camping (damn! I can’t WAIT for March/April to come about so that I can go out camping again!), visiting 2 of my favorite cities being Phoenix and Las Vegas, or heading east to see my friends who live in east and north Texas (that I really need to get my shit together and start doing).  I can get to those places by my preferred method, driving, pretty easily and none are too far from home where it’s really putting me out money or timewise.

Back to my thought, though.  Why did these people back in the day leave their home and go back for the holidays?  Why do people still do it now?  I know a lot of people that I grew up with that moved away and still live in the cities they moved to but occasional come back here to visit and that’s cool, but I don’t see ‘em writing posts on social media about missing home and whatnot.  I’m talking about the people that you read stories about on your favorite news website or see stories about on the national news broadcasts about airports being jam packed on the days before thanksgiving and around Christmas.  My other question to that is why does this circle keep happening?  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say somebody in the Midwest somewhere grows up and wants to go to the big city somewhere to do something and goes out and does it, finds somebody, marries them, and has kids… Do those kids wish to move away from the big city and want a more simple life?  Do those kids of kids wonder why their parents live in the middle of nowhere and want to move to the big city?  It’s a big confusing circle, isn’t it?

These are just some of the stupid thoughts that keep my brain going.  I think I missed my calling as a stand-up comedian because I know there’s a bit in there somewhere just waiting to come out.  Ah, oh well.  As long as I can get a laugh or two out of the people who care to listen to some of these oddball thoughts I have, that’s all I really care about.  I’m here to make people smile and not take life so seriously.  I think that’s my true calling in life.  It’s my opinion that you gotta laugh about something at least 3 times a day.  If you aren’t, you’re doing it wrong man.

Have a great weekend, y’all!  I’ll be back sometime in the future with something as equally as odd to talk about!

Love and Peace!