Happy Monday to you all. Well, we’ve made it into 2020 for real now. Everybody is probably back to work and getting back to their routine by now. Y’all who were off the past two weeks are lucky!!! Man, it feels like it’s been longer than 2 weeks since Christmas day. In any event, welcome to 2020.
The main topic of this post is about love and relationships. Just thought I’d put that right out on front street. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve yet again given up on the matter. I know, I’ve said it before and before you know it, I’m wrapped up in some delusion of some relationship, but I think that God has opened up my eyes to really see what’s going on and I’m sad and at peace with it all at the same time. Let me explain. I mean, I guess technically I’m still involved in a relationship as nothing has been made official, but considering that I haven’t seen this significant other since April of this past year and hardly talk to her now, it’s safe to say that no words need to be said. Actions speak louder in this case. Honest truth is that I’m not even sad about it. The more I’ve grown, the more I realize what it is that I really want out of a relationship. What I want is a woman who loves God as much as I do. Not more or less, really, just as much as I do. I came to this realization last night talking to a friend of mine who is in search of a companion, just not how I am. I’ll put it that way. The conversation made me think about my own situation. I mean, in my younger (and more stupid) days, that was always a sort of fantasy of mine. All the people in my work and personal life circles were just out there committing immoral acts and “enjoying life”, you know? And there I was, just sitting on the sidelines. Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted just even a taste of that life. Maybe because I wanted to see how it felt. Well, thankfully, I never really got it. I’ve been in meaningful relationships, but they all seemed to just break apart.
The more I gave it thought last night, the more I realized it was because I’m just simply too boring for this world. Now, wait a minute. By no means am I saying that to seek pity or anything. Let me clarify. I don’t like to go to bars and spend lots of money just to drink and get drunk and act stupidly. I surely don’t ever want to go to a club or live that club lifestyle either. I also tend to use my weekends to just stay home and rest or do my housework as most of my weekdays are occupied with work. I know I’m not making the case for sounding like a catch, but hear me out a second. Do you know what my focus is on, now more so than ever? God. My relationship with our Lord is the most important thing in my life. I’m sure not to do anything that will keep me out late at night on Saturday because I need to wake up at 6:20am on Sunday morning to go to Traditional Latin Low Mass at my local FSSP parish. My love of God and His church has even curtailed my enjoyment of consuming alcohol. For the past few months, I’ve just been really over it. I’m not completely sober or anything, but I really just don’t have any desire to drink. I had too much one last time on December 6th of this past year for my birthday at a gig we played with a fellow band we’re friends with, but even then I didn’t want to, but damn peer pressure and gifted birthday shots did me in.
So, that’s kind of the basics of it all. I’d really rather spend my Friday nights cleaning house, Saturday mornings doing laundry, and Saturday afternoon and evening relaxing to prepare for me to worship our Lord at the holy sacrifice of the Mass on Sunday mornings. I want to learn more about the things I find interest in (like history and the historical events of significance over the past 150 years specifically). I want to get better at bowling as I go every Monday afternoon now. I want to get back into golf this spring as well! I want to better myself, continue to learn about my faith, lose weight, and be relatively sober while doing it.
I don’t know if I can really live a super strict conservative life, and that’s why I say that I want a woman who loves God as much as I do. Not more or less. Definitely not less, actually. I want to be able to look forward to going to Low Mass with a partner who will respect God and herself to dress modestly and will not try to find reasons to not go to Mass. I’d really prefer to have a partner who is a follower of the Traditional Latin Rite as well. I know my aim is specific, but I just can’t compromise and then get my heart broken and wonder what it is that I did wrong any longer. I feel like I need to admit it to the world and more importantly myself. I’m an INFJ introvert, traditional Catholic, mostly conservative, musically inclined man who seeks a woman with similar attributes and likes. I know I’m aiming at a target that is the size of a pinhead from miles away, but I just can’t compromise anymore. If I can’t find that perfect match, then let God’s will be done and I live a celibate holy life for the rest of my days. But I’d be lying to you if I said that I yearn for a family.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!