Hello again everyone! I hope that y’all are having a safe June so far. As for me, I’m going through one of my usual cycles of madness again. The cycle I’m talking about is the one where I feel like I’ve let things in my life get out of control and I have to stop, regroup, and start all over again. UGH! I really wish I knew how this keeps happening to me. All it takes is a little bit of madness or deviation from the set path to have me fall down the rabbit hole of ruin. Heh, it sounds like I’m talking about drugs or something. I assure you, that’s not the case. What it is, however, is not having my ass in the gym, eating not-so-badly, getting the downtime I need, and generally not feeling overwhelmed. I’ve failed on all those things over the past 3 months. As some people may know, I get real cranky and short fused after a while with no personal downtime. It’s a product of my INFJ personality. I need that alone time and I need that downtime, but unless things go right, I end up lacking it week in and week out. It’s difficult with my schedule though. A lot of people, my heterosexual lifemate the most, do not understand it. Let me break it down for you. My day M-F starts at 4am. I try and force myself to get up (which is getting more and more difficult every day) and start the day by doing my CPAP machine maintenance. Once that is done, I get onto making breakfast, and getting ready for work. If all works out, I’m out the door around 6:15am. I have to leave that early in order to get a parking spot to get to work without having to pay $8 or risk not finding anything in the area and really being up the creek thanks to the damn construction workers that are renovating a couple of buildings downtown. I’m at work until 4pm, and if traffic behaves, I ‘m home by 4:30ish. I really should only have 3.5 hours until I should either be asleep or getting to bed after my nightly prayers in order to get my 8 or as close as 8 hours of sleep that I need to function. In here lies the problem. In those 3.5 hours, on non grandparents’ day (Tuesdays), I have to fit in any house cleaning I may have to do, laundry, cooking, and the gym. I mean, it’s not impossible, but damn near close for me to fit all those things in PLUS just setting time aside for downtime. Sitting, relaxing, possibly even some TV watching. I can never fit those in because I’m always running out of time. I can only run that hard so much before I just start to get a little crazy.
I just don’t know what I could do. Heterosexual lifemate tells me that I shouldn’t wake up early to make breakfast (the guy is of the mind that “if I don’t do it, you don’t need to either.”), and that If I really needed to eat breakfast, prepare it the day before. I mean, ok, I guess. But microwaved eggs at work doesn’t sound like my idea of a good time. That could be me, but if needed, I guess I could add that time to my afternoon to prepare a breakfast for the next day. Good idea at first, but then I’m losing downtime after work anyway. It still balances out to me being out of time. Another option is me shorting my sleep. My sleep doctor has already told me that I need to get more sleep, so that’s not an option either. So, I don’t know. I’m out of options. I guess I’m going to have to try to really force the issue of secluding myself and trying to recoup as much as I possibly can on Saturdays. God help me, because I need the strength. The overwhelming situation I’m in is starting to affect my dreams now too, so I can’t even escape that!
Anyway! Stay safe out there my friends. Throw out a prayer or two for your boy!