Hi y’all! Long time no talk. I know my last 10 or so blog posts have been brief, but that’s due in part to the lack of time I’ve been giving to really formulate my thoughts. Believe me, there are a lot of thoughts that have been going through my head lately. Much like most if not all of my blog posts, I’m just going to start typing and see where this one goes. Bear with me, y’all!
So, where should I start? I think I’m going to start off with October 5, 2020. That’s the date that I either get paid $113 or I owe a friend $113. The reason for that odd number (and yes that triggers my OCD like feelings) is that as of September 9th, that’s rounded up to how many pounds I need to lose to get to my goal weight. I took the high and the low numbers from an ideal weight calculator website that takes 5 popular formulas, and found the average to be 137.6 pounds. I know, it sounds insane to some people, especially those who know me in the outside world, but I think I’m going to do it. Now, I really have no choice, unless my friend tells me to stop because I look sick or something. I know I’m only 9 days out from the true beginning of this journey, but I’m feeling really good about it all. I expected a big loss quickly, and sure enough I got it at my first weigh in, but now I’m motivated for the long haul. I’ve even already gotten to the point of me going a full hour on the arc trainer and elliptical machines to burn off a lot of calories. I know I can do this and I don’t even need any kind of support system to do it. I’m doing this out of sheer curiosity and willpower. I know I’m going to get to my goal weight before next October 5th, but it’s just a matter of when. If I push myself to lose 3 pounds a week, I might even reach my goal on June 1st of this coming year. A full 5 months ahead of schedule. I think I can do that too. Like I was telling my bandmates/best friends, I really have two goals in mind right now. First one is to get down to my lowest adult weight that I ended up hitting like 6 years ago. I decided to celebrate that a little too much and derailed the whole thing. Secondly, after that, I’m going to keep going and instead of looking too far ahead, I’m going to take things 5 pounds at a time. Before I know it, I’ll be where I need to be. That thought actually excites me too, and does not scare me at all. I’m looking forward to each 5lb checkpoint. Smaller goals will mean that I’ll get to the ultimate goal in the end. I’ll be sure to continually check in with my progress here!
As for other things in my life, I seem to have messed up the balance with things yet again. My love life is a complete disaster which is trying it’s best to really mess with my depression, but otherwise my mental health has taken a turn for the better and has given me the will to succeed at the other aspects of my life. My spiritual journey as I walk with Christ is good. I mean, it can always be better, but I feel like I grow and learn more every single day. My passion for organization and cleanliness has also ramped up. I know that’s an annoying shock to my friends in the outside world too as they say that I’m already too much of a clean freak and am OCD with my organization. Little do they know that I’ve only scratched the surface of that quirk of mine! So, we’ll see how this little journey of mine goes. I’m really curious to see if my focus on God and keeping things in clean order stay or exceed their current levels.
In a last bit of things that I wanted to mention and talk about was general human interaction and the perceived difference between the two sexes (YES, I said two!). The reason I bring this up is because in my talks with my female friends, I find that these friends of mine either end up messing around with complete douchebags or get their hopes up and played by complete douchebags, then I get to hear the “well, guys are horrible!” blast. I, of course, take great offense to that because even though they don’t believe me until they really notice my behavior, they think I’m just standing up for manhood. No, it’s not that, it’s just that I hate to be lumped in with guys who use women like objects and don’t show them any respect. I know I think this way, but I’ve actually been told that I think like a woman. It’s probably because I was primarily raised by my mom as my dad worked his ass off to provide for us. That’s why I keep such a clean house like I do. That’s why I know how to cook the dishes I do and love to do that by the way, that’s why I don’t do the typical male things (I don’t know which ones, you pick one!) either. I’m just wired differently. I see a lot of things from the female prospective. Hell, I even love in dating-esque relationships like a woman, so I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I seem to always either get cheated on, or otherwise mistreated in my relationships. I’ve been told by female friends that they want men to act like men. Obviously I get confused at that, because what is a man supposed to act like? Chauvinistic? Because if that’s it, then to hell with that! I just don’t understand. I’m not innocent in the dating life. I know I make mistakes, but showing respect and treating everybody the way I would want to be treated is always rule number one with me. I only actually stand up for myself and defend myself when I just get pushed too far. There’s only so much abuse, disrespect, etc. that I can take before I break.
The thing that got me into this tangent was a co-worker of mine who talks to me about her dating adventures sometimes. Homegirl was raised very traditionally Mexican and I’m sure has the mentality of men having to do all the work in the relationship (meaning, calling first, inviting out for dates, etc. that type of thing). She felt so embarrassed to ask a guy to see a movie with her. Of course he didn’t respond to her, so she felt even worse and hated the feeling of rejection. I found it so comical when she told me that she felt embarrassed and rejected because when I said “How do you think I felt all the times that happened?! That’s why I stopped!” to her response of “but you’re a guy!” Then I shook my head in shame because in her mind, apparently men have no sense of rejection, embarrassment, or shame. To her, apparently, men go out to conquer women and get whatever it is that they are looking for then move on. They are like animals, spreading their seed, unwilling to settle down with one woman. It’s kinda sad that she has this warped world view. Maybe it’s the horribly corrupt world we live in now, maybe it’s something else. God knows what it may be, but I know I can’t be the only male out there who treats their date/girlfriend/wife with just common respect and dignity, right? Needless to say, I told her that she’s got a lot to learn about the opposite sex, but that my proverbial door is always open if she needed to talk about anything.
So there it is, my friends. Time to get at this thing we call life!
Talk again soon!