Tippi Toes and the 702

I’ve been meaning to type this blog out for a while now, but I’m barely getting around to it… actually this is two blogs in one.  This is the tale of a phrase I started using last year for masturbation and the question that I asked Gonzo last week after thinking about it… Why the fuck do I, or rather we, still go to Vegas?

First off, yes, the phrase I’m talking about is “Tippi Toes”.  I don’t blast it out on twitter too much, but it’s become lexicon for me in my real life.  Sometimes people actually ask me what the hell I’m talking about when I bring up tippi toes, so I figure it’s only fair that y’all know as well.  Tippi toes came to be on December 10, 2010 in, where else, Las Vegas.  The family and I went there to celebrate my 30th birthday (the day before) and my grandparents’ 55th wedding anniversary (the day after).  Now, usually, I’m hitting up Vegas at least a few times a year, but times like these are always special.  Being my 30th birthday, I wanted to make it extra special, so I planned out a visit to the House of Blues to see my favorite band, Steel Panther.  I was fucking geeked for the two months leading up to seeing them and when the day finally arrived, the excitement was nearly too much to bare.  We drove into town that day and I had planned out to take a nap before the show, but I think I only managed 30 minutes of downtime before I gave up and headed out to Mandalay Bay for the fun times.

Now, as I told the tale to the band the week after this happened (fictitious tale…for the most part, before you actually ask):

I walked from The Venetian where I was staying over to Harrah’s and got onto the Monorail.  I walked through MGM Grand and eventually walked over to the tram at Excalibur over to Mandalay Bay.  As some of y’all know, this picture below is what you see going down the escalators…

I stopped in at the restrooms right across from Mario Barth’s tat shop

…and I was still so amped up I needed to rub one out!  This is when I made my way into a stall, rubbed one out, then when I dropped the salt bomb, I made sure to get on my tippi toes to make the feeling that much better.  That’s exactly what I needed.  I walked out, a bit calmer, but still super pumped to see Steel Panther!  My Steel Panther tale is for another blog, though…

To be Continued!!!!

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!  Needless to say, I happen to reference rubbing it out with my homies all the time, and no, rubbing it out didn’t happen!  BUT, if you happen to see tippi toes in the stalls of public restrooms, you pretty much know what’s happening there.  Somebody is gettin’ one off.  And now!!!  Any time I mention tippi toes, you will know what the hell I’m talking about.

SO!!!!  Now, back to another thing dealing with Vegas… Gonzo and I were talking about a lot of things over last week, and the question popped into my head:  “Why the fuck do I still want and need to go to Vegas??  It’s never been marketed to me, and even more so now it’s not.”  Gonzo told me, essentially, he goes to hang out and drink.  Basically so do I.  That’s the short answer though.  I kept thinking about it and Goddamn, Vegas has really changed since the first time I showed up there in September of 1998.  Back then, Vegas was geared a lot more towards families, there were not too many shows on the strip, and the casinos were big as fuck.  I’ve gone at least once each year since, and each passing year things change there.  I won’t really bore you with that, but now Vegas seems to be geared more towards guidos, clubbers, and general douchebags that spend (in my opinion) way too much to have a good time there looking popular.  I’m sure you’ve seen them when you’ve gone there.  Hot chicks in short dresses, douchebags looking like Ronnie, The Situation, and Pauly D… Basically, horrible.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me some drunken debauchery, but I’m not going to waste a shitload of money to dress like an asshole, and over spend money to booze it.  That is what is basically happening in Vegas now with the multiple clubs in each casino.  More power to the hotel/casinos though!  Who wouldn’t steal from the people willing to pay for that?  They obviously are making as much money from that as gaming because they are taking casino floor space away from that and giving it to the “Ultra lounges” and clubs.  Think of it, all of casino floors have been shrinking at the strip casinos and the thing they are pimping out now is the club nightlife.

But again, we (Gonzo and I) still go.  Hell, the last time I was there was mid September, and Gonzo is going there tomorrow night.  I can’t really speak for Gonz… but I when I go, I am hitting up my favorite restaurants (another thing I left off that Vegas is focusing on)… which are BLT Burger, Grand Luxe Café, KGB Burger and Toby Keith’s, and also actually paying for booze directly instead of wasting time and money on gaming to get my comp drinks there.

That’s really why I go.  Sure, I’m the nearly out of place asshole in my Heavy Metal & generally idiot T-Shirts and cargo shorts, but I have a great time enjoying the madness in my own dumb way.  I can’t wait to go again, by the way.  I’m planning on a Steel Panther lost weekend, and I would love to have all of my Fanther friends to hit it up with me, so I’ll be sure to let y’all know about it so that you can enjoy the madness with me!