Life. What a party.

Let’s sing a happy tune today!

I know it’s only been a day since my ranty, I wanna destroy EVERYTHING beautiful post, but just now I was reminded of an anniversary.  It’s a very important one for me.  Today, 7 years ago, I nearly attempted suicide.  What the hell, right?!  Yup.  If you’ve read through my blog, you’ve probably seen my post where I go into a bit of detail about it, but yeah.  7 years have passed since the warning signs that were happening about a month prior to today were leading up to the inevitable moment where I had to decide to either end it or fix it.

Spoilers

I fixed it.

Since then, I’ve been a much happier person, sans the times when people just push me wayyyy to far and anger takes over.  Aside from the handful of moments it’s been, and I want to say it’s actually less than 7, in these past 7 years, I’ve been very grateful and thankful that I stopped myself from killing myself.

Now, I’m thinking about the friendships that I’ve gained since then.  They are too numerous to count, but I’m thankful for each one of them.  I’m also grateful for the people that stuck with me through the madness and have kept on sticking around.  To you, I’m forever in your debt.

I’m going to take some time out later on this afternoon to reflect on the past 7 years, celebrate with some of my favorite food, a beer or few, and maybe a cocktail or two and give a cheers to y’all and I.  Thanks for either joining my journey or always being a part of it.  I love you all dearly.

Now I’m Done.

Hello again!  I’m back yet again with more of my life stories and observations.  I’ll be honest, this blog post may come off as angry, ranty, and negative but that’s how I’m feeling right now.  I’m fed up with a lot of things and I think I’m finally coming to my breaking point.

This is what I mean.  I can be almost positive that nobody has any respect for me.  What I mean by that is that nobody cares about what I’m doing in my life.  Just because I’m single and childless, apparently according to everybody else I have ALL the free time in the world to be of service to them.  I’m not just talking about friends, I’m talking about family too.  No offense, anybody, but I’m getting sick and FUCKING TIRED of it.  I’m a very giving, caring, compassionate, and loving person but I’m really starting to feel like I’m being taken advantage of and I’m finally getting pissed off about it.  It’s really only been the last month or so that has gotten to me as much because plans have been made, then later broken in some cases, or I’ve been thrust into doing things without even asking for my consent in the matter.  And I know, I put myself in these situations and it’s damn near impossible for me to every say no to anybody, so I end up putting myself second to please other people, but I’m at my wits end.  Things have gone too far, and some people have started to notice too and have actually told me I’m too nice.  Bad thing is, that I can’t purposely be an asshole to anyone.  Not that I think I can learn to be one and turn into one, but I know something has to change.  How to change things is the question.  What do I do?  I’m at a crossroads in my life and I know things need fixing, but how is it that I go about fixing them?  I think step one is to start to put myself first more than I do, which is hardly ever.  After that, who knows.  I’m lost, but I have no clear way to fix the problems and right the wrongs.  Maybe this trip of mine next week and the hours on the road alone will help me sort things out.