I’M OLD!!!!!!

I can’t believe it, but it’s finally happened.  I’ve finally gotten old.  I know, it sounds crazy to say and for some even worse to admit, but I’ve officially become old.  I can’t tell you exactly when it happened, to be honest, and maybe that’s also a sign of old age, but it has.  I’ll explain here briefly.

During this last camping trip a couple of weeks ago, I found that I really had no energy to go hike or explore the camping area.  Granted, it was raining just about half or more than half the time we were there and I just didn’t want to bother with wet clothes, etc, I was just really too tired to do anything anyway.  I just wanted to sit and relax.  What the hell, right?  Another thing, I’ve become one of those people to refer to people between the ages of 18-25 as kids.  Legally, they are adults, but let’s face it; most of them don’t know a thing about life.  No offense to those who read this who are in this age group.  I was there in that age group 13 years ago, but looking back, until I reached around the age of 26 or so, I still really didn’t get it.  I thought that I understood, but looking back I know I didn’t.  Lastly, two of my favorite films have helped shed light that yes, in fact, I am now old.  Those two films are Hot Tub Time Machine and Grandma’s Boy.  Fine American cinema, as you probably already know!  L O L!!!!  But for as raunchy and silly of comedies that they are, they both deal with “people of a certain age” which is really anything older than 29 and living life after that stage.  For example, in Hot Tub Time Machine, the group of friends travel through time in a hot tub (hence the name of the film.  Clever, right?!), yet until one of them sees their reflection in the mirror they all think that they are living life as guys in their late 30s/early 40s.  When they still don’t know they are young again (spoilers) they all notice the fact they feel great and full of energy, etc.  It’s a hilarious film, well to me it is, and even though that one scene when they say that they feel great, fantastic, etc. I laughed then but it really didn’t register until recently that when you get older you start to feel it.  I look at it now with different eyes and wish that I could have those youthful feelings again too.

Yesterday, while preparing dinner, I decided to put on Grandma’s Boy just to have background noise for me to laugh to.  That silly movie is still funny to me, but for the first time yesterday it made me feel old.  I didn’t feel old because I understood all the video game references in it or that I was in my mid 20s when that movie came out and it felt relevant to me… no, I felt old because the main character gets teased for being 35 and working as a video game tester with a bunch of 18-25 year old kids.  All of a sudden I went from laughing at some of the insults to saying “Holy SMOKES!  I’m freakin’ older than this dude is in the movie!  I’m 3 months shy of 38!!  This dude was only 35 and they were just calling him “old man”!  No way!!!”  Well, even that that said, I finished out the movie and still laughed, but it really had me thinking the whole time if that’s what kids think of me.

I don’t feel like I’m elderly yet though!  Let me make that clear!  I still have some youthful energy in me, but young?  Those days have passed my friends.  I had my moment in the sun.  I think I missed it, actually, but apparently it was there.  I’ve become a man who really doesn’t fit in.  I’m not young by any means, but at the same time I’m not old either.  What a weird phase to have entered into.

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¿Who Dis?

This past week, for some reason, I surpassed the 100 follower mark.  Insane, right?!  I thank each and every one of you for following me, by the way!  In honor of that, and also in honor of a recent discovery and mutual follow and their “About Me” blog post, I thought I should do one of my own!  Just in case y’all are reading this through WordPress’ Following<Reader section of their website and that “About Me” section just isn’t really there.

Oh, still reading!  Whew!  Cool!  Well, hi there!  My name is David.  At least, that’s the handle my loving parents glossed me with.  For about the past 10 years, most people have known me by my band name, Clone.  Yep, I’m one of those imaginary rockstar dudes.  Even worse, I’m a drummer!  I know, the old joke is that drummers really aren’t musicians.  I get it, I get it.  Haha!  In any event, yes, I am a drummer in a band with my most of my best friends and our name is Searchlight Needles.  Look us up!  You’ll find our first album is up on all your favorite digital music outlets.  I’ve been a drummer nearly all my life.  Some of my favorite memories as a child were playing drums on my couch with flyswatters.  I’d be drumming along to 80’s hair metal, because that’s what I really loved back in my youth.  Well, I take that back.  I’ve loved all styles of music since I was young, if you want me to be honest.  That’s one thing that I can tell you right off the bat.  Music is my life.  I was raised on The Beatles, Elvis Presley, Grupo Mazz, Selena, Emilio Navaira, “King” George Strait, Reba McIntyre, The Judds, The Latin Breed, and Led Zeppelin just to name a few artists my parents exposed me to.  From there, my godfather (who is a badass, by the way.  I miss that dude and I need to really reconnect with him), dropped by the house one day when I was about 6 and brought me a stereo system.  It was one of those receiver deals with two separate speakers.  Not a boom box, this thing was legit!  Naturally, I just wanted to hear whatever songs the radio had for me.   Well, not too long after, I found it.   Mötley Crüe had a new single out titled “Girls, Girls, Girls” and I was in love.  From then on, it was a love affair with heavy metal music that continues to this day.  I got into the aforementioned Mötley Crüe, Ratt, Poison, Bon Jovi, Cinderella, and the list goes on.  Yes, Glam Metal!  It ruled!!!  That’s why I love the band Steel Panther so much too.  But that’s another story.

Where was I?  Oh yes, me.  So, yes.  Not only am I a musician, er drummer.  Whatever.  I’m also just your regular ol’ dude who is passionate about many other things aside from music.  One thing people will tell you about me who know me in the real world is that I’m passionate about the relationships I keep.  I love my friends and family.  Without them, I’d be nothing.  Most of them put up with my stupid qwerks, my crazy moods, and my tendency to find the joke in anything.  If I’m talking to you and I haven’t made at least 1 joke in about 5 minutes, you know something’s wrong with me.  I can have my serious moments too.  Take religion, for example.  That’s one thing I’m serious about.  I’ve blogged plenty about it, so take a look around at my previous posts and find out about that journey.  I think it’s kinda cool.

I suppose I should mention this too.  In an odd turn of events in my life, I’ve also never been married nor do I have any children.  I think that topic in today’s society deserves a blog all of its own, but yeah, I’m a regular guy living his life out solo deep.  To be honest, I always imagined myself being married and having kids as a kid myself.  I was always waiting for it to happen, as stupid as that sounds.  I think it actually gives me a nice prospective on life, though.  I’ve found the blessings in it all, so it’s not all that bad.

That’s really all I can think of about me that can’t be explored further here on my blog.  I’ve actually been blogging here on WordPress since November 5, 2011! I’m coming up on 7 years here!  94 posts (including this one) and counting!  Well, I actually had more, but I deleted some that no long had relevance in my life/didn’t represent me well.  I’m sure you’ll find something interesting about me in those other 93 posts!

So, thank you again for following me!  You keep reading, and I’ll keep on writing!

Say Hi to Old Man Clone!

So, here’s a question.  How set are you in your ways?  Kinda made you think there, right?  I’ve been thinking about this question over the week due to some conversations I’ve had.  The first one that really jump started this crazy thought was a guy that I used to work with.  He is big into fantasy football, which admittedly I don’t like at all because I feel it takes away from the sport but I digress, and in any event he was talking about how his fantasy teams didn’t fare so well with the upsets and crazy games that happened in the NFL over the weekend.  The kicker out of all of this (no pun intended) was the fact that he mentioned something about talking to his roommate about the games that were going on and hearing that triggered my brain.  I thought “Holy smokes.  Roommate?!  OH HELL NO.  I could never live with a roommate!”  and after the conversation was over, I kinda laughed to myself thinking about the roommate situation.  Maybe it’s my introversion coming through, or maybe it’s my near OCD levels of cleanliness and organization that I can’t fathom rolling the dice with rooming up with somebody hoping that they would be at least sorta like me when it comes to keeping things clean and organized.  Then panic really set in at the thought of this dude’s friends coming over.  What if I didn’t know them?  There’d I’d go having to put on this face… this persona of showing that I enjoyed these random strangers invading my space when in fact I was slowly dying inside.  What if I was really tired and just wanted some peace and quiet but had to deal with some get together and that noise it brings?!  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!  Freak OUT!  But alas!  It was all just a quick waking nightmare of something that will never happen to me because, well, I’m set in my ways.  I am who I am.  I’m a loner.  A rebel!  Wait!  No, that was Pee-Wee Herman and his hitchhiking buddy Mickey’s line!  Haha!  All kidding aside, I really am a loner.  I need to be alone most of the time.  I can’t handle being outside of my house for too long before I start to miss the peace and quiet away from the outside world and I get into a not so favorable mood because of it.  I need to be alone at said domicile along with that too, so that I can recharge and be alone with my thoughts in order to keep a good mood going.  Call it what you will… childish, immature, weird, stupid.  You know what, it is what it is and I am what I am.  I have no desire to change that.

With that being said, I was having another conversation with another coworker who is going to get married in a few weeks.  The conversation moved over to the living with each other aspect of it all and at least it was a mutual conversation that was being had this time about the subject and this person is pretty worried about the small details about living with their soon to be spouse.  I brought up all the logistics of moving from their parents’ house to the new apartment and everything along with the talk about the adjustment period living with a new spouse and that got me thinking about that every happening to me.  L O L!!!!!!!  As if it ever would!  My track record with the opposite sex is pretty tragic, if you want me to be honest.  I’m not holding out too much hope for a relationship to happen any time soon, much less a marriage.  Hahaha!!!  But anyway, I got to thinking about that too!  Holy smokes.  What would happen if I ever got married?  I mean, love conquers all, right?  But what if I got married to a, *how to I put this lightly?  Ah screw it, I’ll call it what it is!*, lazy woman?  “Ah, I’ll get to doing laundry later (while the Mount Everest of clothes is growing larger over somewhere in a room).”  “Ah, the house isn’t that dirty (meanwhile the floors look like they haven’t been cleaned in forever and there is crap all over the place) it can wait until later to clean.”  I’d die of an anxiety attack!!!  LOL!  Now, people these days would say “well, you’d know that before marrying her to know if she’s lazy or a slob, dude!”  Really?  Maybe if I lived with her beforehand, yeah, but for religious and moral reasons, I really don’t believe in doing that, so no, I wouldn’t really know too much unless she gave me an ear beating about me currently having designated days and times to clean and do laundry all on a consistent basis now.  The thought of me finding out that I’d be having to fix my way out of a situation like that gives me a headache.  LOL!

Now, I know it sounds very snobbish of me to say all of this, but I’m by no means a charm or anything either, my thing is that I feel I’m already set in my ways over the majority of my life.  I have my favorite sports teams that I’m passionate about and I like to see their games.  No, I will not switch governments and start to cheer for your teams, especially if I hate them.  LOL!  I don’t like to try new things out most of the time because I know what I like.  I keep a very clean house and stay on top of my laundry.  I am into nerdy things.  I hate “horror” movies.  I love Las Vegas and Phoenix and really don’t give a damn about going anywhere east of visiting my best friend in Central Texas, or north of my other best friend in St. Louis here in the United States.  So basically the east coast… don’t care to see ya.  No offense, you’re just not where I like to be nor do I care to travel out there to make sure that I don’t like to be there.  I don’t like to compromise my happiness because it took me a long time to get to this point of being consistently happy and finding the things that bring me joy.  I know what I like, I know how to keep my happy, and I know what I need in my life to keep things that way.  Is that a product of being in my late 30s?  Is that a product of living my life enough to figure things out finally?  Or am I just weird?

Enter Night

There’s excitement in the air!  And it’s not because college and professional football are back… well, maybe just a touch of that (HOOK ‘EM HORNS AND PURO PINCHE COWBOYS ALV!!!), heh, but there’s excitement around me because over this past weekend, I noticed something.  The days are getting shorter now!  Heck, this Saturday marks the halfway point of the month.  Really?  September, you just got here and now you’re out?  Wow.  I kinda surprised myself at noting that right now, but yes!  Summer is on its way out and fall is on its way in.  I couldn’t be any happier about it.  For as much as I love the dry heat here in El Paso, I’m just about over the 90+ degree temperatures and I’m ready for things to cool back down to the 80s, 70s, and 60s for highs.  Along with that, comes the even shorter days and with the time change (which honestly I think has run its course now as a thing) that means that it’s gonna get super dark by 5pm.  You have no idea how happy this makes me.  For as much as I am an early bird as that’s how my life schedule dictates things, I love the quietness and solitude of the night.  The peace that the night brings me is something that I miss from time to time.  Then again, I do get that same feeling when I give myself the time to head to my room, close the door, and just let my mind wander in the dark since I have my blackout curtains permanently drawn over my bedroom window.

The other thing that the fall and winter brings is the holidays.  Man, I LOVE the holiday season!  Now, those that know me know that I don’t decorate for anything.  I think it’s kinda silly if you want me to be honest, but I love the moments that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year brings.  I thought about this when talking with a friend of mine the other day and I brought it up to another friend yesterday.  I wanted their take on the matter because I always seem to get a mixed bag of reactions when I ask about the end of November to the beginning of January.  Some people hate it and associate it with lost loves, broken hearts, family that they hate, or the fact that people make it a point to be just a little happier in their lives.  Then I get the people who go full on Will Ferrell in Elf excited about it decorating everything in sight.  I’m down with the excitement, but not the decorating, so I tend to lean more towards the latter.  Now, the funny part about it all is that over the years, I’ve actually yearned to be alone during the holidays.  Now wait a minute, don’t get me wrong here, but I’ve honestly fallen in love with the personal celebrations I’ve turned into customs for me.

It all started around the passing of my mother 10 years ago, actually.  I don’t remember specifics, but I do remember that first thanksgiving without her.  My dad and I were just going to hang out and watch football, but my sister stopped by and brought us food from her in-laws party.  Personally, I thought this was strange because it felt like we were some sort of charity case getting plates of food from strangers.  I didn’t feel all too comfortable feeling helpless like that, and it’s not that we didn’t have any money for a thanksgiving meal; it’s just that we were only a few months out of losing my mom and we really didn’t care too much about it.  I don’t remember Christmas too much, nor New Year’s Eve either, but I’m sure that I spent them either alone or with my dad.  The following years, my sister did the same charity case act with us and I hated it each time, but slowly, my dad was either working or would just skip out of town and spend holidays and such in Vegas so that would leave me to my own devices and that’s when I came up with my traditions.

 One thanksgiving, I decided to make myself a thanksgiving dinner so that I wouldn’t deal with the annoyance of the charity case feeling and I made myself some turkey breast, a beer ham, and all the fixings.  It was awesome.  So awesome, as a matter of fact, that I continue that tradition to this day.  And, in case you didn’t know, I can cook meals like you read about so it’s not like a person has to pray after you eat due to food quality!   My birthday falls in between thanksgiving and Christmas, and dad would bail then too sometimes, so I started to celebrate birthdays my own way too.  Usually I lay low and maybe go to a favorite restaurant and follow that up with a quiet evening of favorite movies at my house.  Christmas has become an evolving thing in its own right too.  We’ve always gotten together at my grandparents’ house on Christmas Eve, so I do that for a while, then for the past few years, I’ve made it to midnight Mass at my parish.  That gives me Christmas day to either see my dad, my bonus mom, and my sister/brother in law/nephews for a bit or just stay home and get my not-so-traditional-Christmas movie marathon going (which is what I prefer to do honestly).  That’s probably my favorite day ever.  I stay indoors, make hot chocolate and/or coffee, turn my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree on (my only Christmas decoration by the way), and sit back the whole day watching movies that happen either during Christmas time or are those not so traditional Christmas movies that people give you looks for until you remind them that they are in fact Christmas movies.  I love it!  It’s my way of being festive.  Just thinking about that makes me happy.  I can’t wait!  105 days and counting as of the writing of this blog!  The following week brings New Year’s Eve which I have really solidified a tradition there too.  I would usually spend that night with my parents hanging out watching the NYE shows on the national networks, but one year, my girlfriend at the time, insisted that we go to a friend of hers house and spend the time there.  I hated the idea of it because I was only slightly acquainted with this friend of hers and as my INFJ traits dictate, I hate being around random strangers.  Going to a stranger’s house just incites a panic attack, and I have felt super awkward when people have brought complete strangers over to my house.  The idea of it is just so insane to me.  BUT, I digress; I did it because that’s who I am as a person anyway.  I always put others before me, and yes even though I enjoyed my time there, I would have rather been at home having a nice quiet time.  In any event, again after the passing of my mom, most of the time I would find myself marking the new year alone, so I decided to come up with a party for myself.  I’m not a big fan of pizza, but I figured that ordering one would solve the food issue, and continuing to watch the network shows would work if I had my alcohol handy.  That way, I could still enjoy a few beers with my pizza and when midnight came along, I could pop a bottle of champagne and party along.  I had such a great time doing that that some of my friends have even joined me a few of those years, and I’ve even added the celebration from Las Vegas to the mix so I still feel like I’m partying with people, just by myself in the comfort of my own space.  Hahaha!  That eliminates any chance of any harm coming to me in the form of a car wreck, or spending too much money at a bar for the same amount or less of beer and champagne.  I do it smarter, in my opinion!

So, here we are my friends.  47 days until the time falls back an hour and we get longer nights, 72 days until Thanksgiving, 105 days until Christmas, and 111 days until New Year’s Eve.  I’m excited already!

Happy 60th Birthday, Mom

Today would have been my mom’s 60th birthday.  I really try not to think about it the days leading up to it each of the 10 years that have passed since she died, but inevitably it happens a day or two before and of course the day of (today) it crushes me.  I know, I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, sad, on the razor’s edge of just breaking down crying because I miss her, but I do.  It’s so strange.  I can’t seem to be happy that I had my mom for the 27 years that I did.  I feel sad that she’s missed out on the last 10 years and counting.  I just hope that I made her proud in those years that she was here, and I hope that I can make her proud with the man I’ve become and continue to be.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here choking back the tears.

Before I go, I want to mention this.  For those of you who don’t have good relationships with your parents… FIX THEM.  I’d give anything to have my mom back and it hurts me even more when I see people who hate or don’t even talk to their parents.  If they’ve wronged you, forgive them.  If you wronged them, ask for forgiveness.  It’s never too late.