Hi y’all! Here I am again barely getting a chance to write some random thoughts about the things that have been going on in my life. Holy smokes, what a crazy time it’s been for me lately too. It seems like nearly half a lifetime since I’ve gotten the chance to jot down my thoughts, so I apologize for the randomness of this blog. Actually, this blog has always been random, so I suppose I should apologize for the randomness of it all. Ha! Anyway, I don’t even know where I left off last sometime last month, so I’ll just pick up my life story from sometime this month.
The biggest thing I can say that’s been going on is my ongoing struggle with these mood swings of mine. I know the cause of them by the way, but damn it sucks to have them! I’m happy and content some days, ready to break down and cry the next. It’s amazing what the influence of other people’s energy can do to your soul. My soul happens to take the energy of people around me and convert it to my own and sometimes in the very negative.
Lately, it’s been due to a woman who I am (I should say was to be honest) romantically involved with. For some insane and completely stupid reason, I keep trying to have this thing survive even though it’s on life support and brain dead. Stupidly, I keep holding out hope for a miracle and that she’ll come to her senses and at least reciprocate my actions towards her, but so far nothing. Honestly, I’m positive that she’s moved on from me and when I confronted her on it, she of course turned it around on me and made me the bad person, but I had the proof I needed in her words and from what I saw on social media. It felt like I got punched by a life-sized boxing glove, but with the slightly positive things in my life that have been going on, I deflected it and only let it completely destroy me for a short time. Spoiler alert, she again refused to let me go on with my life and I’m still stuck. UGH. I should just shut up about it until something more concrete happens, but just know that it’s the worst thing that has happened to me in probably 9-10 years, since the other bane of my romantic existence “Lady Voldemort” was in my life.
Now, in more happy news, things in my non-romantic personal life are pretty damn gangbusters. My band, Searchlight Needles (look us up!), is gigging semi-regularly and we’re having fun AND getting paid doing it! We actually have another show this Saturday night that I’m pretty excited about. Now if only we could actually slow down just a bit in order to write some new music, we’d be going somewhere! In time, I suppose! Also, in a related topic, I came to a realization this past Saturday night. One of our band friends were having a show at a bar close to where I was at that night and this band loves to bring up their fellow musician friends to play a few songs with them. 4/5ths of my band was there, so 3 of us went up there and played a song with the booked band’s guitarist and when people wanted another song, said guitarist pulled a rabbit out of his hat and was able to play this second song with us. It was such a good feeling to play music with somebody new and still have it sound great! The best part was when I thought we were done; I was asked to stay on the drums and play with another guest guitarist/vocalist and the booked band’s bassist. We played 3 songs. Two Johnny Cash classics and Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”. I wasn’t sure what to expect as I had never even met this dude who was going to sing and play guitar, but this guy blew me away. He was so talented. The Johnny Cash tunes were great, and he played some awesome solos, but man, when we got to “Comfortably Numb”, he took things to another level. I locked in with the bass player, dude sang his heart out, and played a 4+ minute solo and I was just in heaven. I hadn’t felt so alive playing drums (even though they weren’t my drums) in such the longest time. All I have to do is think about it and go back to that time and holy SMOKES! It’s hard to describe the feeling. It’s like excitement mixed in love, joy, a sprinkle of anxiety, and ecstasy all together. The bar was packed and the majority of them were engaged and enjoying the performance and that just made all those feelings come rushing up to the surface. It was then that I realized that playing music is what I should be doing with my life. It’s my purpose. It’s what God put me here on earth to do. Nothing, aside from going to confession and Mass, makes me happier. No offense to family and friends, but that’s the truth. Playing music with people who are at least as talented as I am makes me the happiest. I need more of that feeling in my life, so I hope to push the guys in my band to play more music.
Speaking of things that make me happy, camping season is coming right around the corner. The season here in the southwest, or at least in the west Texas / southern New Mexico area is from April to October. We (the band) didn’t really give ourselves the chance to head out last year and even though I could have gone by myself as I have before, it didn’t happen last year and now I’m dying to head out. I stepped my game up with this year’s income tax return and bought a new tent, new air mattress (since my older one has some sort of small leak from where I assume is in the seams), and a brand-new camping chair. I had my eye on the tent I bought for years. There is nothing wrong with the tent I still have now, mind you, but this one that I got now is slightly larger and incorporates “dark room technology”. That means that it’s dark in that tent all the time and is also supposedly cooler during the day too. The only downside is that I’ve read from more than one review that the thing leaks in rainstorms. Not good. No bother though, I went out and purchased some seam sealer and I’m going to hope for the best. Besides, the only things I keep in my tent when I camp are my air mattress, sometimes an extra blanket, whatever it is that I’m carrying my clothes in, my portable air pump in case I might need to reinflate said mattress, and hanging from the top, my fan/light combo. It’s not like rain will completely flood the tent (in theory), so I’ll just put everything in a spot to keep it all dry if the seams leak and the sealer doesn’t do its job either. I’m already happy with my purchase. If I remember correctly, my old tent is 8×8 and the new one is 10×10, so I’m sure I’ll notice those extra two feet of comfort and darkness now, and that’s what matters the most to me. As far as the new chair goes, I realized during my last camping trip that my chair started to hurt me with it’s support points on my thighs, so sitting for long periods of time wasn’t going to work out with the current chair I have. It’s good for short bursts, but if I’m going to have a bit of a lounge act like we tend to do while camping, I’d have to invest in another chair. Sure enough, I decided to buy a zero-gravity reclining lounger chair that has no points that can hurt any part of my legs (in theory). I’ve had my eye on these new style chairs for a while now too but just never had the guts to just buy one until now too! I figured the heck with it! It felt awesome when I sat in one before, our next camping trip is coming up in 2 short months, why roll the dice and hope to not hurt sitting down and relaxing when I can just recline and relax instead? So, heck yeah! That’s what I plan to do. Now, I just gotta get over to my dad’s house some weekend soon to pitch the new tent, seal the seams and pull out my camping gear to run an inventory and test the worthiness of it all so that I can be ready for when we head out. I really hope that this is not the only trip we make this year. Even if it’s the only one the band makes together, I’m planning on going out at least a few more times, even if it’s by myself. I’m excited!
Well, there it is my friends. A quick look into what’s going on with me right now. A big time low being combated by two big time highs. And that’s what really matters too. We gotta find the highs to suppress the lows. Take care of yourselves! May God grant me the strength to assemble my brain’s thoughts into more words to share with you all! I’ve been bad with that lately.