Tag Archives: INFJ

Caeruleum Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody!  I hope you spend baby Jesus’ birthday filled with love and joy.  Mine, initially, wasn’t very loving or joyful I must admit, but things turned around for the better at the end.  That’s what matters, right?

It was such an odd buildup to Christmas for me too.  The weekend seemed to be just an odd blur.  I know I got stuff done on Saturday and watched Christmas movies then too, but it feels to me like I must have been in a coma or something because the days flew by so quickly.  Since I was out of touch with my football watching, I spent all Sunday watching the various NFL games too, so my Sunday flew by as well.  Before I knew it, Christmas Eve was here, and I was awake and getting ready to drive the 30 minutes to my grandparents’ house.  It was a quick visit, however, because everybody in my small family had places to go aside from my grandparents’ house, me included.  It was cool to catch up with my cousins and see my family together again, but I felt a little guilty for having to leave my grandparents in order to sleep to go to caroling at 11pm and High Mass at midnight, but I departed anyway.  I was still the last one to leave, so there’s that.

That’s about the point where things started to go south for me.  As soon as I got home, of course I was wide the hell awake.  I could not fall asleep for the life of me.  To make matters worse, I think my neighbor upstairs had kids or something visiting him because all I heard was the pounding of feet and God knows what else hitting the floor making percussive thuds down onto me.  Normally I tune those things out, but this time my brain was still working in overdrive so I couldn’t fall asleep.  I think I only slept about 45 minutes before I got up and got ready to go to my parish.  As soon as I got into the church and sat at my normal pew I started to feel ok until the choir started singing.  Apparently, I was so relaxed that I started to feel myself slowly wanting to go to sleep.  I fought it all the way through until Mass started and thankfully I was very much awake for the entire Mass.  I didn’t think I’d make it, to be honest.  So, after Mass concluded and I walked down the aisle to exit the church, a bit of sadness came over me.  And this is going to sound stupid and narcissistic and for that I apologize, but I started to feel sorry for myself.  Actually, I started to feel this before Mass even started, but of course as Mass takes place I tend to focus on that.  Anyway, the reason I started to feel sorry for myself is because a wave of loneliness took over.  Normally, I prefer to be alone, but there are certain days and activities where the bad light of being alone hits and this happened to be one of them.  I started to feel pretty worthless, actually.  How sad is it that there were a lot of families there celebrating the birth of our Lord ready to celebrate even more as soon as Mass ended in whatever way they were going to choose to, and there I was attending Mass alone, going home alone, to an empty house.  The emptiness of it is the part that bothered me, actually.  I’m used to being alone and as I just mentioned, prefer it most of the time, but that 10 minute drive back home was the saddest I’ve had in a while.  There are a few questions that go through my head sometimes like “Why is it that my life is this way?”  “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”  They were sure dancing through my head then.  Where did I go wrong?  If you want me to be honest, I don’t think they’ve ever been right in my adult life.  How sad is that?

I don’t want to be misunderstood, though.  I’m not seeking sympathy or anything; I’m just merely stating the facts of my life as it’s stood for 20 years.  I always have the worst luck in trivial things, but trivial things that make the most emotional impact.  I think I’m the only idiot alive who wants to have a family life that currently doesn’t.  I know there are probably a lot of men in family situations that would kill to have my life too, so I guess it works both ways.  There have been a lot of blessings in my life likewise that people would die to have blessed onto them.  It doesn’t change the emotional feelings when you’re right in the middle of them, though.

Anyway, I got home about 1:45am and decided to watch The Polar Express since I wasn’t going to go to my dad’s house (as I found out we weren’t getting together at all on Christmas day, which was a first for me) for Christmas and I doubted that my nephews would want to see it as they’ve never been interested in it, so even though I was going to see them later on in the day I knew I’d only have this opportunity to watch it.  I made a cup of hot chocolate and tried to cheer myself up.  It only masked the hurt because I still felt lonely and just empty, and of course the exhaustion I had still was lingering so that made things worse.  Well, I only lasted about an hour until I was in and out of sleep before I decided to shut the movie off and go to bed.  A heavy sleep brought the morning quickly and for as much as I was hoping that my Christmas blues would kick rocks, of course they didn’t.  I opened my cards like they were pieces of mail because nothing about it felt special.  I appreciated the gifts and the cards, but it just felt… what’s the word?  Ordinary.  There was no Christmas spirit there at all.  I went back to bed since I felt like I had a hangover even though I didn’t drink and when I woke up again still feeling bad, I had no choice but to get up to go deliver the Christmas gift I gave my dad as he was at work, then I drove back home to wait for my sister to show up.  By this point, it was 1 or so in the afternoon, my head was pounding, I was starving, and I felt pretty bad emotionally to boot.

When my sister finally showed up about an hour later, things really turned around for me.  Seeing my nephews made all the difference.  I was glad to have them over and I was glad to watch a few Christmas films and other films with them too.  The loneliness was gone and I was just glad to spend time with the kiddos.  I’m still not playing with them as much as I’d like, but that’s because I’m so busy always catching up with the adults that time just slips by.  That’s my fault too.  The need for solitude that I have means that I have to get in all my catching up when I do see my sister in person, so that kinda leaves the kiddos in a bind.  I gotta do better with that.  I will.

So, there it was.  Christmas.  The good and the bad.  At least it ended on a good note.  I’m relatively happy today, and I have a short week so there will be nothing to complain about.  I’m looking forward to a visit I’m getting on Friday and to go through with my traditional New Year’s Eve festivities too, so no more reason to be blue.  Let’s finish off 2018 on a high note, y’all!

Merry Christmas and may God bless each one of you!

Advertisements

Burning out FAST

Hey y’all.  Oh man.  I didn’t want to blog before posting my trip across the country blog post, but I feel I need to let this out somewhere where I won’t be judged with what I’m feeling before it starts eating me alive and really starts messing with me.

Here it is.

I’m done.  Like really done with everybody right now.  I woke up in a F everybody mood today and I’m having a very hard time hiding it.  I’m tired of adjusting my schedule for everybody else’s needs and doing things I don’t want to do just to please others.  I don’t feel like talking to anybody, seeing anybody, or doing anything right now either.  If it were up to me, I’d be locked up in my apartment right now with the phone possibly even shut off.  That’s how bad it is.  What a time for it too, right?  Christmas Eve is in 3 days and I’m going to have to go to my family get together thing, but I’ll tell you right now that I don’t even want to do that, nor do I want to leave my house on Christmas day to go to my dad’s house.  F ALL of that.  I just want to stay home and be left alone.  These are the times where I feel sorry for myself for not standing up for myself to say “Lookit.  I’m just not in the mood.  Even for you guys.  I’m just going to stay home.  Don’t call me, don’t text me, nothing.  Just leave me alone.  I don’t know everything that’s wrong with me right now, but I just need to go away for a while.  Take it easy.”  Of course, I’m too weak to do that, so I’ll go and dream of the things I’d rather be doing alone instead and feel sorry for myself all over again.  Nobody understands and I don’t expect them to.  I just wish I could feel better about it and just snap out of it, but I know it won’t happen.

Ugh.  Time to try and continue to hide my negative feelings and get through the rest of the day until I’ll be able to get home, lock the door, and get back to doing me.  Maybe, since I won’t be able to watch my Christmas movie marathon on the days I really want to, Christmas Eve and day thanks to those family obligations I just mentioned, I’ll just do it tonight.  To hell with it.  Why not.  Maybe that might cheer me up.  I might just put my phone on silent and leave it in my room too, as to not be bothered with the twitter and Instagram updates I see from people.  Just worry about pleasing myself for once.  We’ll see.

Happy to be Sad

It’s currently Friday night and inspiration has finally stuck to put finger to keyboard.  The past week has really just kicked my ass up and down.  I’ve been so busy that I realized that my tether from ok to being pissed off because I haven’t been home long enough is less than a week.  I have been going nonstop since thanksgiving and it finally got to me on Wednesday.  I was in a horrible mood and I was not nice to a lot of people.  I couldn’t really pinpoint it until I remembered that I just haven’t been home to do my thing.  And by my thing, I mean relaxing.  Alone.  Some people just don’t understand my need for solitude and my need to be home the majority of my free time. Things finally turned around yesterday as I just had to make a quick pit stop at my sister’s and I got to see the kiddos for a minute then I got home to spend quality alone time.

Today brought along new old adventures.  I was my heterosexual lifemate’s plus one at a holiday party just like last year and our walk through downtown to get back to our vehicles was just beautiful.  It’s so amazing what transformation is currently happening in downtown El Paso.  Granted, there are still buildings that are big-time eyesores and I don’t mean this to sound bad, but there are some stores with cheap merchandise that just look bad in and around downtown too, so there is still some work to be done, but the area around the newish-ly renovated plaza that acts as the unofficial center of downtown is thriving.  I work there, so I am getting to see the changes first hand, but I’m hardly ever there at night.  During the day with all the construction going on, it’s just a maze of madness.  Currently at night now, the streets are blocked off and the plaza is blocked off, and the plaza is lit up with Christmas lights, there are families and couples everywhere enjoying the city, and the new businesses and condos that have opened up are all open and thriving too… it’s just a beautiful sight to see.

I mentioned the thought to my heterosexual lifemate that it looked like a perfect place for a date.  Take the newly refurbished streetcars from uptown into downtown, stroll through the park all decked up with lights, maybe go into one of the many bars or restaurants for a cocktail and/or meal, take the streetcar for a ride through the downtown loop, and call it a night.  The thought of doing that seems so cool… then the reality hit me.  I got nobody to do that with.  Sheesh.  I’m not gonna lie, allowing myself to think about it makes me a little sad about it, but you know what?  It’s ok.  I have an otherwise happy life, I have friends and family that care, and I got my place to come and get away from everybody and recharge when I need to.  And by the looks of things, I can’t leave my place for more than 3 days until I start getting pissed off.  It’s good to know these things.

I hope you have a great weekend.  December starts tomorrow.  How crazy is that, right?!

All By Myself

Happy Friday, y’all.  I hope this weekend brings you some rest, and maybe some fun too!  I’m getting one of my two short weeks this month, so I’m looking forward to the extra day to rest and more than likely sit and wonder why the hell it is that I’m a fan of such a horrible football team.  LOL!

Today’s blog is probably going to end up being a sad one, so I apologize in advance if that’s the way this comes out.  Just to let you know, I really only start writing whenever I have an idea of what I want to say, but I really don’t have any structure to my thoughts or anything.  I just let my fingers type away whatever comes to my mind.  With that said, what’s come to my mind this past week, aside from my Hispanic heritage history lesson like I mentioned a few days ago, is me coming to grips with being (as the popular kids said about 6 years ago) forever alone.  I’ll be honest.  Most of the time, I try not to think about it because it just bums me out, but lately it’s been swimming more towards the front of my dome.  Little reminders here and there spring up and I always end up asking myself “Man.  What the hell is so wrong with you, dude?”  Inevitably, I come up with a few answers:

  1. I’m short
  2. I’m fat
  3. I’m very much in INFJ introvert
  4. I’m nerdy
  5. I’m a neat, clean, and tidy person
  6. I’m not rich
  7. I don’t seek out the newest material possessions (i.e. newer vehicle, newest smartphone, etc)
  8. I don’t like to go to bars/clubs
  9. I’m very religious and try to live my life within my Catholic moral structure (that’s not to say I fail at it. A LOT.  BUT, I try!)

After the self-insulting part of my brain tells me those 9 facts and probably others in a quick succession, I nod and agree that those are pretty good reasons as to why I don’t even get the time of day from the opposite sex.  I guess I have nothing to offer that women find attractive, and that sucks.  Don’t get me wrong though.  I’ve tried.  Lord knows I’ve tried.  Most of the time, I find that women find my kindness and genuine concern for them to be a front for something else.  Little do they realize that I show love to everybody I care about.  Also, I’ve actually gotten female friends essentially proverbially turn their noses up at me over the fact that I go to Confession frequently (weekly or bi-weekly) and I attend Mass on all holy days of obligation (that means every Sunday and other various feast days during weekdays when they happen throughout the year).  How being strong in my faith, knowing my faith, and loving my faith turns into being a bad thing to women, I have no idea, but I find that to be a hindrance as well.  Granted, I’m judging women hating on my love for God strictly from a platonic spectrum, but I’d have to think that it goes across the board.  I know, generalizing ain’t cool but whatcha gonna do, right?

So, from time to time I find myself doing my thing in my apartment and I pause to think about just how much it would be cool to have that person of interest who would actually want to listen to me talk about the interesting things I learned that day, or music that I felt inspired by, or a documentary that I watched that moved me in one way or another and at the present I have nobody.  I know it’s breaking my old man’s heart that I’m alone… probably my grandparents too, but at this point I feel like it’s really out of my control.  I’ve done all I can do within reason.  I’ll probably keep finding myself like I did last night.  I was tired, had nobody to talk to, and I was actually feeling lonely.  This morning, aside from the loneliness, I’ve added a touch of depression to the mix, so I’m having a fantastic time.  If there is a single, nerdy, relaxed, introverted, traditionalist Catholic woman out there, send her my way!

Have a great weekend my dudes!

I Stand Apart

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me, Dottie.  I’m a loner.  A Rebel.”

– Pee-Wee Herman

When I was growing up, now that I look back on things, I don’t think I was ever liked right off the bat.  Hell, come to think of it, nothing has changed there.  I say that being picked last during playground activities, etc., and the “Don’t take any shit from anybody” message that was given to me by my tía and my grandma formulated the thought in my brain that I was always going to be a one-man wolf pack first.  I was short, and after age 7 I was fat, but I was at least likeable and sometimes funny so that gave me an advantage in my youth to gain friends when given the chance.  During my childhood, as I’ve touched on before in my music blog post, I was allowed the freedom to find my love in the arts.  Not only did I listen to a lot of different music, but I also watched a variety of movies, and I also got into stand-up comedy.  I liked the popular stand ups of the time like Robin Williams, Rodney Dangerfield, etc.… but I also got even more into the guys I shouldn’t have at my age, like George Carlin and Sam Kinison.  They are still pillars of my emotional foundation.  I wanted to listen to everything they put out and I loved them dearly.  Kinison’s albums “Louder than Hell”, “Have You Seen Me Lately?”, and “Live From Hell” along with his HBO Comedy Special “Breaking the Rules” plus the bits he did on Rodney Dangerfield’s Young Comedian Specials still has me laughing up to this day, and  don’t even get me started on George.  “Free Floating Hostility” from his album “Back in Town” is something that I still preach as a foundation of my core principals in life!  Well, maybe not all of it.  “Cowboy hats and cowboy boots” is something that I wear, so I’ll skip that part of agreement with him.  I carried his first book, “Brain Droppings” around like the cherished item it was to me, and the thoughts and ideas therein made me feel like it was ok to be the outcast and forgotten person.  “You don’t want me to be a part of your group?  Well good.  I’m better by myself anyway, suckas!” was and still is my mentality.  I’ve never really fit in with anybody, nor have I wanted to.  What’s the point of doing so?

That brings me to the point of this little post.  Groups.  Last month, out of curiosity to satisfy the knowledge of why these people exist, I watched the expose documentary series on the freemasons.  As some of you may know, Catholic men like myself are forbidden from becoming members of said society, but instead of just being told that I couldn’t, I had to see the reasons why as to give myself ammunition for those who would seek to debate me on the topic.  I do the same thing every night learning my own faith so that I can defend it against those who oppose it or try to talk me out of it.  Anyway, there I was watching this multi part documentary all the while thinking to myself, “Why do people do these stupid things?”  Not just men and their freemasonry, or whatever.  Women too.  There are lots of groups, clubs, etc. that individuals join just to be part of something.  I can’t understand it.   Every little group thing I’ve been talked or forced into, I’ve hated.  Yes, even religious ones.  I’m so much of a loner that I can’t see the point of gathering together as a group to do the same thing.  It’s strange to me.  I’m such a private person when it comes to my interests that quite honestly I’d rather keep them to myself.  Does that make me even weirder?  The only interests that I share out to the public are this blog and my music.  I’m proud of the music I’ve made with my brothers, but I’m not going to go out and seek some sort of community either in real life or online about the brotherhood of being in a band.  Same thing with blogging.  I’m not gonna seek out some online forum for bloggers.  I don’t do either to seek the approval of others.  I do them as a creative outlet for me.  If somebody happens to enjoy either one of them, that’s freaking awesome and I thank you, but honestly, I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for me.

Maybe it’s the very strong type b personality of mine coming out, or the INFJ traits that manifest themselves more and more as each day passes, but I just don’t want to be a part of a larger group for anything.  I like to watch from afar and make decisions and speak on a topic from my own point of view and stand as an individual so that I can have my voice truly heard.  Are you still reading this?  Nah, you probably tuned out long ago.  Ha!  It’s alright.  It happens a lot.

Until next blog, amigos!

Passed Over

Hey y’all!  I hope your weekend was restful.  It’s hard for me to believe that October is already halfway through.  I’m so excited for the continuing change of seasons and the holidays to be here.  I got a little bit of a sneak preview here over the weekend and into today with a very rainy, cloudy day on Friday and cloudy day on Saturday.  It was nice to have cool temperatures and overcast skies for once.  I actually ventured out on Saturday afternoon to do a few things.  I went to get a new reed diffuser and felt really out of place at the joint I went to get it at.  I think I was the only male there that either wasn’t working there or wasn’t dragged there by their significant other.  It made me feel a little out of place, well more than I usually feel.  After that victorious trip, I made my way over to the Cathedral in town to confess, and I confess that I was about two weeks late on confessing, and made my way back home to get laundry done.  I spent the evening playing a video game online with friends on PlayStation 4 then ended it watching part of the great film Blade Runner 2049 before I found myself passed out on my couch.  It was definitely a full day.  Sunday brought along Low Mass, a great talk with a friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in about a month, and a full day of NFL games and the NASCAR race from Talladega (which is one of my favorite tracks on the circuit).

For as much as it was a great and relaxing weekend, I found that I was feeling a little… what’s the word… forgotten.  It has occurred to me that I am the only person in my circle of people who isn’t doing something every second of the day.  To go along with that, I tend to only get conversed with whenever it’s convenient for the other person to reach out to me and now it’s starting to bother me.  I feel like going Sith Lord with it actually and start questioning why I bother trying to maintain relationships with people anyway, especially those whom I feel are more than just a “oh I can make them laugh, so they keep me around” people.  Now, I know I’m the awkward one and the difficult one by not wanting to spend every free minute of my life at some stupid bar, club, event, whatever, but that’s because I don’t feel the need to be around people so much and especially at places like that.  I want to be at a place with people whom I can have those connections that go deeper than just the surface and the small talk subject points to hit on.  Every time I feel like I’ve found a new person like my best friends are to me where we talk about real things that matter to us, I get brushed aside as if I didn’t even exist at all.  Sure, I try and initiate the conversation but only a few times until I feel like I’m bothering said person then I stop.  There’s a beautiful image that I saved on my phone a few days ago that pretty much describes how I feel.  It says:

“INFJ:  I automatically stop trying when I feel unwanted.  I won’t reach out to you if it’s not being reciprocated.  I don’t beg.”

I don’t beg, but I sure do get annoyed with the whole thing.  I know that I care too much about the people in my life.  What’s annoying to me is that they don’t care back.  It’s a strange thing.  Even my best friends are like that, but we have a different kind of relationship.  I know they are around and we’ve known each other so long that we can go periods without talking, or in the case of one of them, I see them almost every day, so we never lose touch and always have something to talk about.  I know it’s my fault for wanting more than a “oh, this dude is cool to hang around with when we’re at the (insert place outside of your domicile here)”, but I can’t help it.  Large crowds drain me and so does having to be at a damn public place all the freakin’ time.  What’s so bad about having a cup of coffee, bottle of water, whatever other beverage while we sit and talk about what really matters every now and again?  I love having conversations like that with my friends.  It’s what I crave.

Maybe I’m too real for people who don’t really know me.  I know for sure that I’m way too lame because I don’t need to be out somewhere doing something.  I always wonder what’s so bad about these people’s homes that they have to spend every waking minute out of it.  LOL.  That’s totally not me.  It’s hard for me to understand people like that.  Oddly enough, my old man is one of this people that I trip out over.  Grandma and I always talk about how crazy it is that my dad can never just stay home and relax.  Dude always has to be somewhere else, yet he says he’s tired a lot.  Go figure.  Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’m not a complete shut in.  I like to go to the occasional place.  I’ll hit up the pictureshows to watch a film!  I’d love to hit up a park and kick it there and talk gazing at the beauty that God gave us as it surrounds us.  I love to kick rocks and go to bigger cities around me and explore them.  I love to visit museums and National Parks and not just do a fast walk through, but to actually stop, read, and learn about things in them and enjoy the experience.

Maybe I keep looking in the wrong places for people to share this experience we call life with.  Maybe I’m just too damn weird.  I don’t think I’ll ever know, and stupidly I’m going to keep the door open for people to take me for granted.  It’s the least I could do.

I am Who I Say I Am

Change, shit

I guess change is good for any of us

  • Tupac “I Ain’t Mad At Cha”

Hello again y’all!  And while I’m at giving salutations, hello October!  Sadly it’s still 90°F or higher regularly here in El Paso, so it’s not quite fall yet.  At least the sun kicks rocks by 7:30pm.  I’ll take what I can get.

So, change.  I’ve been thinking about change lately.  I despise most change.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll put it on Front Street again.  Change sucks in my world.  I’m a creature of habit, and I’ll be the first to defend it.  Why try and fix something that isn’t broken?  Allow me to explain.  I hate spontaneity in most situations.  I have found that the older I get, the more I value order.  I bet some of you right now are probably thinking “Holy smokes.  This guy is weird!!!!!!”  Well, jokes on you!  I’ve always been weird!  Haha!  It’s just now; order has taken over the majority of my life.  I have found that peace and quiet and things being in their designated place makes me the happiest.  Some people actually tell me I have OCD because I’m so clean and organized and well, after seeing this, I don’t think so.  I only matched up with 2 out of the 11 signs and symptoms.  The wild part is that I hit up with 7 out of the 12 compulsion symptoms.  That’s kinda concerning now that I think about it, but I think some of those are bullshit if you want me to be honest.  In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with “washing and cleaning”, “orderliness”, or “following a strict routine”.

WHEW!!!  Read this (and weep haters!):

“There’s a difference between being a perfectionist — someone who requires flawless results or performance, for example — and having OCD. OCD thoughts aren’t simply excessive worries about real problems in your life or liking to have things clean or arranged in a specific way.

If your obsessions and compulsions are affecting your quality of life, see your doctor or mental health professional.”

After reading that, I feel a little relieved!  You know what it really is?  It’s my ever blooming true and real self finally shining through.  It’s my real INFJ nature that isn’t scared of ridicule anymore.  Wanna know what I mean?  Read this, this, this, and this article.  They all describe me to a T.  I know some people will dismiss the Myers-Briggs personality types as fake news and whatnot (I’m looking at you, heterosexual lifemate!), but then again these are the types of people who are skeptical about everything.

You know what?  Sometimes there isn’t a rhyme or a reason to things.  Sometimes things are the way they are because of no concrete reason.  God made certain things to remain a mystery (oh, and yes the Trinitarian God does exist, y’all.  Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).  There’s a certain mystery about life that needs to remain a mystery.  Not everything needs to be explained.  That’s what some of us call “faith”.

Sorry, I got sidetracked, but yes!!!  Sorry, Myers and Briggs and their personality test have finally put a name to my quirkiness.  It’s finally made me realize that it’s ok to be a weirdo in the eyes of everybody else.  As this article shares, YES I need those 12 things in my life to be happy.  No, I don’t feel bad for saying it either.  It’s only taken articles written by people like me who have shared their “is it just me that does this weird action, or feel this way” feelings and actions that has made me feel comfortable with being myself.  I’m a person who is rooted in structure, routine, planning, organization, and cleanliness to just name a few.  Yes, I do things on specific days, because that gives me the opportunity to give myself time to either be alone or to share my time with a very select group of people on my days off.  Speaking of that, I can’t just wake up on a Saturday morning, get in my truck, and go on a day trip somewhere.  Oh no!  That gives me anxiety just thinking about it!  I need to know at least my first few steps of every day before I get them started.  And while I’m at it, when you come over to visit me, no I don’t have a maid.  I clean my place up and I clean it up regularly.  Clutter sucks.  Everything has its place in my flat, and for the most part it’s all clean all the time.  I know the stereotypical male’s domiciles are supposed to be trashed and reeking of bad B.O. and 12 layers of intense parties, but I won’t apologize for having a fresh, clean, and organized apartment y’all.  LOL!  You should see my areas at work!  Organized and clean rules here too!  Don’t even get my started with my truck!!!  How do people live with having dirty, clutter filled work desks and vehicles?  Dear Lord in Heaven help these poor souls!

So, there you have it.  In a long way of saying it, I think I’ve changed over the past years.  Recently I thought about the people who were in my life more than 5 years ago who aren’t any more and wonder what they would think of me now?  Would they still have given up on our relationships?  Would they decide to stay?  It would be nice to have the opportunity to tell them not to worry.  I wake up every morning feeling better, more secure, and more content than the day before.

Until next blog, y’all!