Tag Archives: Dreams

An Outlet

Hey y’all!  I’m back with more thoughts from this ol’ dome of mine.  I just had a nice long weekend thanks to one Christopher Columbus and having that extra time gave me a lot to think about.  I also refreshed the look of my page here for the first time ever, but I figured 7 years with the same layout was a good run.  I tell you, I’m not good with change.  LOL!

First of all, and quickly, I’ve decided to be even more regimented than before and I think it’s actually working out for me quite nicely!  After a few years, I’ve finally gotten tired of wasting my one true day off on Saturday by either having to clean, do laundry, or be committed to go anywhere.  I’ve been making it a point to clean my joint up and do laundry on Wednesday and Thursday to give me Friday night to start my 1½ days of freedom.  Now, funny enough, when I mentioned my entire week (Monday gym, Tuesday Grandparent’s Day, Wednesday/Thursday Clean and Do Laundry, Friday & Saturday let the chips fall where they may, Sunday Mass then NASCAR/NFL) to some friends, they shook their heads in shame.  For some reason, they can’t comprehend the fact that I am very structured.  Not only do I have my designated days for things, but I try to go to bed at the same time every day and it’s early at that, so even more reason to get ridiculed.  What can I say?  I need that structure in my life.  It makes me happy.

By allowing myself to have those 1½ days of freedom between Friday afternoon and all day Saturday, I gave myself the opportunity to catch up with some programs on Netflix, HBO, and Showtime.  I had been wanting to watch Kevin Smith’s and Henry Rollins’ respective specials on Showtime for a while now and when I finally did get around to watching them, boy did they give me even more sadness about myself.  I’m trying to use the right words too, because maybe sadness isn’t quite it.  Regret, maybe?  I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’ll try to explain here.  As I’m sure I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I have a very needy creative mind.  I’m a musician, and if it were up to me, I’d also probably be some sort of public speaker, creative writer, something!  I feel the need to express myself via those two art form mediums pure and uninterrupted, and that’s why I’ve had this blog for 7 years running now.  I don’t get paid for writing it, but it soothes that creative itch to share those expressions that feel they need to get out of me.  Additionally, yes, if you are seeing this blog post on clonesn.wordpress.com and not the wordpress reader, that mic’ed up drumset is mine.  That was taken the last day I played them which was Memorial Day Saturday of last year.  It goes without saying that I desperately miss playing music.  It’s not really my fault that I haven’t.  Life has gotten in the way of my bandmate’s and I’s schedules and the band has taken a backseat.  I’m free now, but they really aren’t so that’s left me with this unscratched itch to play in a band.  The thing with that is that I need to play music with people that I know.  I just can’t play with complete strangers.  I need to know their musical likes, dislikes, and style of playing so that we can see if we’re compatible.  I know it sounds snobbish of me to say, but that’s the truth, so I don’t want to go to Guitar Center or Craig’s List or somewhere and try my hand at auditioning for some band or to form a band myself.  Maybe if things get bad enough, I might resort to it, but I don’t know yet.  Anyway, while watching Henry Rollins’ special, he told the story about his band, Rollins Band, opening up for Ozzy Osborne somewhere in Florida in the early to mid 1990s and playing for a crowd of roughly 25,000 people.  I don’t want to ruin it much for you, but something about the story struck me.  The thing that made me think was that Henry has now purposefully retired from music.  That, I learned from his latest appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast, but in any event, Rollins at one point in his life played for a crowd of 25,000 people and even though they didn’t really cheer for him anywhere near as loud as they cheered for the headlining act, he got a response and loved every minute of it, but now finds himself not wanting to keep that dream alive.  He says that he has nothing else to say lyrically.  I find that insane to believe, really.  How can you not write songs about the experiences that he has now traveling the world gathering stories to speak of on his “talking on stage” tours?  Maybe he gets the same rush from the hundreds to a few thousand people he gets at the venues he gets booked at, and that’s cool, but to me the rush you get from playing music has to be different.  You’re speaking a universal language where somebody who doesn’t even speak English can understand the music you’re playing and their energy combines with yours to create even more emotion and musical expression.  I know, I’m getting too deep here, but my point is that hearing that story of him playing got me sad that I haven’t every had that experience in a rock band setting.  I’ve played for a few packed houses of a few hundred people and I can still tap into that feeling and crave more.  It got me wanting to play my drums and get people to connect with either me or a feeling inside themselves and right now I don’t have an outlet for that.  I guess sadness is the word I’d describe how I feel about it.

I finished Henry’s special and went on to Kevin Smith’s special.  Now, for those who know me in the real world, you know that I am a big Kevin Smith fan.  I was really looking forward to seeing this Showtime special for a few weeks now since it’s come out, but it was only until this weekend that I actually had the time to do it.  I wasn’t disappointed.  The one message that Kev always tries to put out on any of his numerous podcasts and now this special is that anybody can do what he does.  Everybody has a talent.  Chase your dreams!  I hear this every time and I say to myself “Hell yeah, man!  You’re right!  I should write more!  Play more music!  Make more people laugh with the stupid things I say!  Something!  I have these creative gifts, I should freakin’ use them!”  And well, here I am!  I figure this medium will be the closest I’ll ever get to going up on stage and talking about my life and maybe hopefully inspire somebody to follow their dreams or save them from ruin with one of the many stories of my life.  My feeling of needing to help those who are in need of a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and ear to beat, whatever, is out there.  I’m gonna follow what Kev told me and do this.  If all I ever do is connect with you, then that’s good enough for me.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post!  Until next time, y’all!

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¿Who Dis?

This past week, for some reason, I surpassed the 100 follower mark.  Insane, right?!  I thank each and every one of you for following me, by the way!  In honor of that, and also in honor of a recent discovery and mutual follow and their “About Me” blog post, I thought I should do one of my own!  Just in case y’all are reading this through WordPress’ Following<Reader section of their website and that “About Me” section just isn’t really there.

Oh, still reading!  Whew!  Cool!  Well, hi there!  My name is David.  At least, that’s the handle my loving parents glossed me with.  For about the past 10 years, most people have known me by my band name, Clone.  Yep, I’m one of those imaginary rockstar dudes.  Even worse, I’m a drummer!  I know, the old joke is that drummers really aren’t musicians.  I get it, I get it.  Haha!  In any event, yes, I am a drummer in a band with my most of my best friends and our name is Searchlight Needles.  Look us up!  You’ll find our first album is up on all your favorite digital music outlets.  I’ve been a drummer nearly all my life.  Some of my favorite memories as a child were playing drums on my couch with flyswatters.  I’d be drumming along to 80’s hair metal, because that’s what I really loved back in my youth.  Well, I take that back.  I’ve loved all styles of music since I was young, if you want me to be honest.  That’s one thing that I can tell you right off the bat.  Music is my life.  I was raised on The Beatles, Elvis Presley, Grupo Mazz, Selena, Emilio Navaira, “King” George Strait, Reba McIntyre, The Judds, The Latin Breed, and Led Zeppelin just to name a few artists my parents exposed me to.  From there, my godfather (who is a badass, by the way.  I miss that dude and I need to really reconnect with him), dropped by the house one day when I was about 6 and brought me a stereo system.  It was one of those receiver deals with two separate speakers.  Not a boom box, this thing was legit!  Naturally, I just wanted to hear whatever songs the radio had for me.   Well, not too long after, I found it.   Mötley Crüe had a new single out titled “Girls, Girls, Girls” and I was in love.  From then on, it was a love affair with heavy metal music that continues to this day.  I got into the aforementioned Mötley Crüe, Ratt, Poison, Bon Jovi, Cinderella, and the list goes on.  Yes, Glam Metal!  It ruled!!!  That’s why I love the band Steel Panther so much too.  But that’s another story.

Where was I?  Oh yes, me.  So, yes.  Not only am I a musician, er drummer.  Whatever.  I’m also just your regular ol’ dude who is passionate about many other things aside from music.  One thing people will tell you about me who know me in the real world is that I’m passionate about the relationships I keep.  I love my friends and family.  Without them, I’d be nothing.  Most of them put up with my stupid qwerks, my crazy moods, and my tendency to find the joke in anything.  If I’m talking to you and I haven’t made at least 1 joke in about 5 minutes, you know something’s wrong with me.  I can have my serious moments too.  Take religion, for example.  That’s one thing I’m serious about.  I’ve blogged plenty about it, so take a look around at my previous posts and find out about that journey.  I think it’s kinda cool.

I suppose I should mention this too.  In an odd turn of events in my life, I’ve also never been married nor do I have any children.  I think that topic in today’s society deserves a blog all of its own, but yeah, I’m a regular guy living his life out solo deep.  To be honest, I always imagined myself being married and having kids as a kid myself.  I was always waiting for it to happen, as stupid as that sounds.  I think it actually gives me a nice prospective on life, though.  I’ve found the blessings in it all, so it’s not all that bad.

That’s really all I can think of about me that can’t be explored further here on my blog.  I’ve actually been blogging here on WordPress since November 5, 2011! I’m coming up on 7 years here!  94 posts (including this one) and counting!  Well, I actually had more, but I deleted some that no long had relevance in my life/didn’t represent me well.  I’m sure you’ll find something interesting about me in those other 93 posts!

So, thank you again for following me!  You keep reading, and I’ll keep on writing!

Ragrets and The End

I’ve had a lot of strange moments in my life lately.  Mainly, they have all been brought to my attention thanks to my continuing chronological journey through Star Trek.  Here’s an example.  This is going to sound morbid, but I don’t mean it this way… BUT!  Has it ever crossed your mind, or have you actually done a goodbye video in the event of your death?  What brought this about was the death of a main character in season 1 of The Next Generation. The rest of the main cast goes to the holodeck where they are greeted by a hologram of the recently deceased giving a goodbye message.  I thought this was the coolest thing ever.  Now, I have seen about 88% of the episodes of TNG, this one included, but this time around I’m really paying attention and that scene struck a chord with me.  I started to think about it and I think that would be the thing that I would want to do.  Actually, I’d make two videos.  I’d make one for the people organizing my visitation/Rosary/Funeral making sure that they dressed me up in the tie I’d like to wear, make sure that they don’t have the Requiem Mass anywhere else but my FSSP parish and offered by one of the FSSP priests, and to make sure that the people I happened to mention in the second video would be present for said video if I did blast some names out.  THEN I’d go ahead with the goodbye video.  I think that would solve a lot of problems.  Gone would be the “In according to what we believe his wishes very well may have been…” business, it would be put right there on front street what I’d want.  Now, I know funeral planning and prepaying is a thing already, but I would like to add the personal touch of a video.  Some co-workers and I talked about that today and I was hoping they wouldn’t take it that I was morbid, but thankfully they fully understood what I was saying.  It’s not a bad thing to give at least a few passing thoughts about the end of the line here on this planet.  I know the important thing is to prepare for the next life after this one, but not dwell on it too much.

That quick conversation with the co-workers of mine brought another thought to me.  Regrets.  I know that’s a big word and people have even inked “No Ragrets” on their bodies and many a song have been written about not living wondering what could have been, etc., but if I’m being honest with myself, I have to say that not only do I have general regrets, but I regret the things that I think I could have achieved in my life through no fault of my own or my family.  Let me explain.  As some of you may know, I am a HUGE fan of NASCAR, and I enjoy other forms of racing as well, but for me stock car racing is where it’s at.  With that said, every time I’ve been in the informal positions of racing, I’ve always dominated it.  My hand and foot coordination has always been on point and as my pops and sister can attest and I’ve always been a natural driver.  Sadly, west Texas isn’t the most ideal place to get a racing career off the ground.  The way I understand it anyway is that most of the drivers that are climbing up the ranks of NASCAR have invested upwards of $200,000 to just have the chance at making it.  I know my mom (rest in peace) and dad love me and would do anything for me (within reason), but I wouldn’t allow them to find ways to help me get that insane amount of money together to chase a dream.  That’s just crazy.

Another dream that comes to mind is what is still a delusion of grandeur of sorts.  I think if I had the means and the effort put forth back in the day, I think I would have made it in the music business and made a career of it.  Don’t get me wrong, some mini versions of these dreams have come to pass.  In the two bands I’ve been in, I’ve played for crowds in the hundreds (yay me, right?), I’ve played mostly all the genres of music I’ve enjoyed sans jazz and hard rock/heavy metal, and I’ve recorded two albums to date.  That’s pretty good, I’d like to think!  BUT, there’s always that dream of being discovered, signed to a major label contract, and going on tour playing 20,000 seat arenas, and writing and recording music the way I’d want to with all the time needed in the studio to make my vision a reality.  Who knows, maybe it could happen.  Getting back out there and gigging at different places and continuing to write music needs to happen first.  Heh.

Point is, I do think of these “what if” scenarios often.  Well, maybe often is not the right word because it’s not like I live in the past questioning every step I’ve taken, but there are those occasional thoughts of “Damn.  I think I’m pretty good at ____.  I should have pursued that in my youth.  *sigh* Oh well.”  Things, in the end, are meant to happen the way they happen.  I’m a firm believer in God’s plan.  He knows what’s up.  I’m at where I am in the entirety of my life with reason and purpose that He knows.  It’s not my place to question it.