Tag Archives: Christmas

Caeruleum Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody!  I hope you spend baby Jesus’ birthday filled with love and joy.  Mine, initially, wasn’t very loving or joyful I must admit, but things turned around for the better at the end.  That’s what matters, right?

It was such an odd buildup to Christmas for me too.  The weekend seemed to be just an odd blur.  I know I got stuff done on Saturday and watched Christmas movies then too, but it feels to me like I must have been in a coma or something because the days flew by so quickly.  Since I was out of touch with my football watching, I spent all Sunday watching the various NFL games too, so my Sunday flew by as well.  Before I knew it, Christmas Eve was here, and I was awake and getting ready to drive the 30 minutes to my grandparents’ house.  It was a quick visit, however, because everybody in my small family had places to go aside from my grandparents’ house, me included.  It was cool to catch up with my cousins and see my family together again, but I felt a little guilty for having to leave my grandparents in order to sleep to go to caroling at 11pm and High Mass at midnight, but I departed anyway.  I was still the last one to leave, so there’s that.

That’s about the point where things started to go south for me.  As soon as I got home, of course I was wide the hell awake.  I could not fall asleep for the life of me.  To make matters worse, I think my neighbor upstairs had kids or something visiting him because all I heard was the pounding of feet and God knows what else hitting the floor making percussive thuds down onto me.  Normally I tune those things out, but this time my brain was still working in overdrive so I couldn’t fall asleep.  I think I only slept about 45 minutes before I got up and got ready to go to my parish.  As soon as I got into the church and sat at my normal pew I started to feel ok until the choir started singing.  Apparently, I was so relaxed that I started to feel myself slowly wanting to go to sleep.  I fought it all the way through until Mass started and thankfully I was very much awake for the entire Mass.  I didn’t think I’d make it, to be honest.  So, after Mass concluded and I walked down the aisle to exit the church, a bit of sadness came over me.  And this is going to sound stupid and narcissistic and for that I apologize, but I started to feel sorry for myself.  Actually, I started to feel this before Mass even started, but of course as Mass takes place I tend to focus on that.  Anyway, the reason I started to feel sorry for myself is because a wave of loneliness took over.  Normally, I prefer to be alone, but there are certain days and activities where the bad light of being alone hits and this happened to be one of them.  I started to feel pretty worthless, actually.  How sad is it that there were a lot of families there celebrating the birth of our Lord ready to celebrate even more as soon as Mass ended in whatever way they were going to choose to, and there I was attending Mass alone, going home alone, to an empty house.  The emptiness of it is the part that bothered me, actually.  I’m used to being alone and as I just mentioned, prefer it most of the time, but that 10 minute drive back home was the saddest I’ve had in a while.  There are a few questions that go through my head sometimes like “Why is it that my life is this way?”  “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”  They were sure dancing through my head then.  Where did I go wrong?  If you want me to be honest, I don’t think they’ve ever been right in my adult life.  How sad is that?

I don’t want to be misunderstood, though.  I’m not seeking sympathy or anything; I’m just merely stating the facts of my life as it’s stood for 20 years.  I always have the worst luck in trivial things, but trivial things that make the most emotional impact.  I think I’m the only idiot alive who wants to have a family life that currently doesn’t.  I know there are probably a lot of men in family situations that would kill to have my life too, so I guess it works both ways.  There have been a lot of blessings in my life likewise that people would die to have blessed onto them.  It doesn’t change the emotional feelings when you’re right in the middle of them, though.

Anyway, I got home about 1:45am and decided to watch The Polar Express since I wasn’t going to go to my dad’s house (as I found out we weren’t getting together at all on Christmas day, which was a first for me) for Christmas and I doubted that my nephews would want to see it as they’ve never been interested in it, so even though I was going to see them later on in the day I knew I’d only have this opportunity to watch it.  I made a cup of hot chocolate and tried to cheer myself up.  It only masked the hurt because I still felt lonely and just empty, and of course the exhaustion I had still was lingering so that made things worse.  Well, I only lasted about an hour until I was in and out of sleep before I decided to shut the movie off and go to bed.  A heavy sleep brought the morning quickly and for as much as I was hoping that my Christmas blues would kick rocks, of course they didn’t.  I opened my cards like they were pieces of mail because nothing about it felt special.  I appreciated the gifts and the cards, but it just felt… what’s the word?  Ordinary.  There was no Christmas spirit there at all.  I went back to bed since I felt like I had a hangover even though I didn’t drink and when I woke up again still feeling bad, I had no choice but to get up to go deliver the Christmas gift I gave my dad as he was at work, then I drove back home to wait for my sister to show up.  By this point, it was 1 or so in the afternoon, my head was pounding, I was starving, and I felt pretty bad emotionally to boot.

When my sister finally showed up about an hour later, things really turned around for me.  Seeing my nephews made all the difference.  I was glad to have them over and I was glad to watch a few Christmas films and other films with them too.  The loneliness was gone and I was just glad to spend time with the kiddos.  I’m still not playing with them as much as I’d like, but that’s because I’m so busy always catching up with the adults that time just slips by.  That’s my fault too.  The need for solitude that I have means that I have to get in all my catching up when I do see my sister in person, so that kinda leaves the kiddos in a bind.  I gotta do better with that.  I will.

So, there it was.  Christmas.  The good and the bad.  At least it ended on a good note.  I’m relatively happy today, and I have a short week so there will be nothing to complain about.  I’m looking forward to a visit I’m getting on Friday and to go through with my traditional New Year’s Eve festivities too, so no more reason to be blue.  Let’s finish off 2018 on a high note, y’all!

Merry Christmas and may God bless each one of you!

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Off Topic Thoughts

Hello!  Me again!  Can you believe it’s December already?!  What the hell happened to this year?!  Where did it go?  Not that I’m complaining though because there has been a lot of negative stuff in the world that came about this year.  Actually, lots of good happened to me personally, but this year as a planet, we had a bad year.  My thoughts of some of it are to come on a future blog entry, but for this one I’d like to focus on my favorite time of the year.  Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day and the thoughts it brings.

There are quite a few times during the course of the week that I get comedically analytic about things that I wonder about.  I think I get it from my love of George Carlin (RIP!).  I always dissect things and ask the questions that people don’t normally even think about to which the guys always tell me something to the effect of “What the hell is wrong with you!?” as they laugh and or shake their head.

Well, one of those introspective thoughts came to me recently.  One of the reasons I love this time of year so much is because I LOVE to listen to Christmas music.  I’m a user of iHeartRadio and they have at least 4 different stations dedicated to nothing but Christmas music and that’s what I’ve been listening to on my way to and from work each weekday and there are a handful of classic songs out there that mention something to the effect of going back home for Christmas or wanting to go back home for the holidays and it brought up a thought.  In the words of the classic Ace song “How Long”, how long has this been going on?  I’ll admit that I’m not going to do any research on the matter and I’m just going to go off of common historical knowledge, or at least common to me, about the subject.  What I can best guess about it all is that people have always wanted to go to the bigger city to find a better and brighter future for themselves.  Fair enough, I suppose I can understand.  My question is if you hated your hometown so much, why the hell are you going back every Christmas or wishing you could if you didn’t?  Why did you leave in the first place?

I know I’m one of the freaks out there that actually loves my hometown and even though I have almost left this place on at least 4 different occasions, fate has left me here.  I’m not pissed about it at all.  The majority of my friends and family are here and I’m pretty centrally located to the places that I would like to go to do the things I love to do like camping (damn! I can’t WAIT for March/April to come about so that I can go out camping again!), visiting 2 of my favorite cities being Phoenix and Las Vegas, or heading east to see my friends who live in east and north Texas (that I really need to get my shit together and start doing).  I can get to those places by my preferred method, driving, pretty easily and none are too far from home where it’s really putting me out money or timewise.

Back to my thought, though.  Why did these people back in the day leave their home and go back for the holidays?  Why do people still do it now?  I know a lot of people that I grew up with that moved away and still live in the cities they moved to but occasional come back here to visit and that’s cool, but I don’t see ‘em writing posts on social media about missing home and whatnot.  I’m talking about the people that you read stories about on your favorite news website or see stories about on the national news broadcasts about airports being jam packed on the days before thanksgiving and around Christmas.  My other question to that is why does this circle keep happening?  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say somebody in the Midwest somewhere grows up and wants to go to the big city somewhere to do something and goes out and does it, finds somebody, marries them, and has kids… Do those kids wish to move away from the big city and want a more simple life?  Do those kids of kids wonder why their parents live in the middle of nowhere and want to move to the big city?  It’s a big confusing circle, isn’t it?

These are just some of the stupid thoughts that keep my brain going.  I think I missed my calling as a stand-up comedian because I know there’s a bit in there somewhere just waiting to come out.  Ah, oh well.  As long as I can get a laugh or two out of the people who care to listen to some of these oddball thoughts I have, that’s all I really care about.  I’m here to make people smile and not take life so seriously.  I think that’s my true calling in life.  It’s my opinion that you gotta laugh about something at least 3 times a day.  If you aren’t, you’re doing it wrong man.

Have a great weekend, y’all!  I’ll be back sometime in the future with something as equally as odd to talk about!

Love and Peace!

David

Back to Work and Hello Holiday Season!

What a week this one is turning out to be.  I know it’s only Tuesday, but it feels like this week is going to drag out forever.  I think it’s this schedule that I’m trying my best to jump start myself back into.  When I am behaving on my gym and eating habits and schedule I run a 16 hour day from 3am to 7pm during the week.  Getting to sleep at 7pm on Sunday nights if I happen to be away from home sucks and I always have a hard time waking up to get to the gym on Monday mornings.

That’s pretty much what happened to me yesterday after this (welcomed) 3 day weekend.  I went to my dad’s house and left after watching some of the NFL post game shows to see what they were saying about my Dallas Cowboys’ win against Pittsburgh.  I knew I was running late, but I couldn’t help myself.  I wanted to hear the experts’ take on what they thought of the team.  I got home with about enough time to only lose about half an hour of sleep, but I think my brain was still in love-glow mode thanks to the awesome win AND the incredible performance Alex Bowman put up in the 88 car (GO HENDRICK MOTORSPORTS AND THE REST OF TEAM CHEVY btw!!!!!) in the NASCAR race from Avondale, Arizona.   It was a good sports weekend for your boy over here, I’ll tell you.

Anyway, I decided to take a page out of Pee-Wee Herman’s playbook from his film Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and play a trick BACK on my brain and went to sleep even earlier last night so that I wouldn’t wake up sleepy at 3am.  Well, a-hole brain got the last laugh as I woke up rested and ready to go at the crack of 2am this morning.  What the hell, right?  Instead of going back to sleep, I decided to make myself breakfast then hit up the gym afterwards.  Oddly enough, I’m not the only weirdo who goes to the gym between the hours of 3 and 4 in the morning.  There was a good amount of people there this morning at 3:30 when I got there.  I think I could have done better at the gym, but I’m not going to tell myself off quite yet.  This is a long road I’m going down and if I start complaining now, I’ll never get to my destination.  I gotta take each step at a time.

In other news, I’m still freakin’ excited about the holidays.  I can’t really tell you what the exact reason for this is, but I haven’t felt this excited about the fall/winter and the holidays that pass in them in quite some time.  I already purchased the soon-to-be-cooked meats, and I’ll get the other stuff I’m going to make myself over the upcoming weekend for next Thursday, aka Thanksgiving.  The only question is whether or not I’m going to make the 3 layer pumpkin cake (that people still talk about here at work years later) for myself (and friends and/or family who want to come have some) or not.  That being said, next Thursday should be a fun day filled with a parade, a meal, and some football all in the comforts of my home.  It’s going to be the first thanksgiving in my new place, so I think that’s why I’m looking forward to it so much.  I’m just hoping that I don’t get guilted in to having to go somewhere else.  I want to stay at home and enjoy my cooking even if it’s just for me.

Now I’m wondering how all of you are going to be spending the holidays this next month and a half.  What are some of your traditions?  I’m pretty curious to be honest.  Do y’all make a big deal out of these days?  I know I have followers from other countries, so Thanksgiving is out of the picture for you, but the religious celebrations that happen in mid-late December and the ringing in of the New Year are pretty common everywhere, right?

Happy Daze!

It’s finally here!  My favorite time of the year!  October to March.  These are the months where the days go dark by 5pm and a chill is in the air.  Sometimes, 2 to maybe 5 times during this 6 month stretch it even snows here in the desert and holy smokes what peace that brings me.  Well, peace if it only lightly snows and I don’t have to drive because as the G.I.A.N.T.  Stone Cold Steve Austin can attest, we have the worst drivers in the nation and the idiots here get even worse when there is rain or snow on the streets.  It doesn’t help things that there are a lot of hills and valleys roadwise here so ice makes things extra fun, but anyway I’ll leave my rants for another blog.  This one is all about how excited I am about fall and winter.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love summer and all the fun it brings, but each passing year I’m finding myself more and more excited when the seasons start to transition into fall.  I love almost everything about it.  I say almost because I’m one of those rare people that has a real dislike for Halloween and everything about it.  I think a lot about my displeasure is religiously based, as Halloween came to be in modern times at least as some weird ritual to get dressed up and party, but since the mid 1700’s it’s been a time for Christians to prepare for All Saints Day and All Souls Day being November 1 and November 2 respectively and that’s what I prefer to focus on.  Anyway, the bastardization of it (if you will) gets under my skin.  Same goes for The Feast of Saint Valentine’s Day and The Feast of Saint Patrick’s Day, so I try to really keep a low profile during those days.  Anyway, October 31st aside, it’s all a big party for me.  I think I look forward to these days the most.  Well, maybe having a Vegas trip lined up or a camping trip lined up are on equal footing, but those days are different in their own right.

Back to fall, I really love how everything slows down and the holidays come about where generally families get together.  Oddly enough, out of the 3 holidays in November and December, I rank Thanksgiving 1st, New Year’s Eve 2nd, and Christmas 3rd.  You’d think Christmas would be it for me, and honestly, celebrating Jesus’ birthday is pretty awesome, but when it comes to everything outside of Masses, etc. like gatherings and whatnot, I have found that spending those times alone or with a select group of people has brought me the best memories when I look back on them.  I think it’s because I have had my routines for each day down for the past 5 or so years and being a creature of habit as I am, I look forward more and more to what those days mean to me.  Those are the days that I can just sit back and truly be reflective of the year that has passed by.  Thanksgiving, particularly for me, brings out some extra fun feelings because my day starts out getting my meal for that afternoon ready as the parade in New York City is happening.  Of course Santa Claus ends the parade and that signals the earnest beginning of the Christmas season.  I love that.  I like hearing Christmas music and seeing things decorated, but oddly enough I don’t decorate my own things.  Is that weird?  After the parade, of course, comes the football games and getting food drunk which is always a plus.  Everything about Thanksgiving is just awesome.  Like I said, I’ve been spending them alone lately, but you know what?  I actually prefer that.  I do my own thing.  I relax in my own way.  There’s no façade for me to put up, you know?

New Year’s Eve comes about the same way for me.  I work during the day and get home to take a nap so that I can stay up for the festivities.  Now, festivities for me generally aren’t the type of festivities one would think of when it comes to New Year’s Eve celebrations.  Mine, as my life generally, are really low key.  Funny thing too, is that I’ve been to New Year’s Eve parties before and been in the crazy places, but I have never had as much of a good time doing those things than what I have been doing the past 10 years or so.  You can usually find me on the various social media websites (Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat) commenting on the world’s celebrations and/or sharing the views from my own little part of the world (which is pretty much watching the ABC, NBC, and CNN shows) while I have my usual foods and drinks.  Pizza, wings, beer, sparkling grape juice, AND for the finale champagne are on my menu.

All of it is just so much fun for me.  There’s no other time like it in the year.  The only other day that comes close to matching those two days is the 4th of July.  Same principals apply for me on that day.  It’s a nice way to get me ready for what’s to come half a year later.  So, bring on fall!  Bring on November and December.  Bring on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.  I can’t wait!