Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

Kick rocks, January!

I can’t believe we’re in February already!  What the hell happened to January?  Wait a minute.  I can tell you what the hell happened to me in January.  With the exception of one piece of good news which I’ll share with you momentarily, January 2017 was a clusterfuck.  Apologies on the vulgarities, but there’s no other good way to put it.  January was a giant clusterfuck.  Each week it was one bad thing to replace the other and I felt like I couldn’t escape it.  I was like Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV when Drago was kicking his ass from corner to corner.  By the way, why the hell didn’t that ref stop that fight after about round 2 or 3?  Anyway, I digress.  What the hell, January?  I haven’t had such a bad time in about 5.5 years.  I suppose as equally as odd, I didn’t let it completely ruin my mood as before.  I wish I could tell you how or why it was, but maybe it’s because I’m in such a good place emotionally that even with past 5 weeks of spectacular and individual train wrecks, I’m such a stronger and more mature person emotionally that I just let that shit slide.  All I can hope for now is that February is a good month and makes up for January, the party pooper.

As for the good news that I mentioned a paragraph before, the idea that has been floating around for at least 2 years with the band is finally going to happen this May.  Let me back track a bit.  6 years ago last month, we recorded our album “Zombie Platter” in an advertising agency that just happened to sometimes double as a recording studio.  This was the 4 of us’ first time ever actually recording music and we had no idea of what to expect or much less what the hell we were doing.  To be honest, we barely knew our songs well enough to go in there and record them.  But we were ambitious and had the desire to do it and we did.

You can stream that album now on your streaming service of choice (Spotify, iTunes Music, Google Play, etc.) by either searching by our band name, Searchlight Needles, or the album title “Zombie Platter”, by the way.

Anyway, 2 years ago while on a trip to visit one of the guys in the band, we caught a performance by the band Quiet Company.  They were playing at a bar somewhere in Deep Ellum in Dallas whose name escapes me, but anyway these guys were incredible!  Their energy on stage was electric and palpable.  They had a dude selling a couple of their albums and some other merch, so Gonzo bought two albums of theirs.  It was a great thing he did because about 2 hours west of the DFW metroplex we put the CDs on and it inspired us to re-record our album.  Ever since we finished the album and played it back for ourselves we actually learned the songs better (if that makes any sense) and therefore played them even better on stage.  Not only that, but the favorite tunes that we play at every gig eventually started to morph and mutate as we spiced things up with new fills and new energy to each song.  Gonzo and I thought that the way we play the songs now are better than the way we recorded them so why not give them the definitive editions of them, right?  So, we brought the idea to the other 3 guys in the band at the time (the lead guitarist has since moved out of town, but wasn’t part of the band when we recorded either) and they were all for it.

Of course, nothing came of it until April or so of last year when we went to practice at a recording studio in town that also rents out practice space.  The guys in the band thought “Why not record us live in a single take instead of the way you’re supposed to record music?! (which is tracking each instrument individually, in case you were wondering)” We all agreed that it would be cool to do that and try it out, so when we approached the people at the recording studio we practiced at with the idea we got something to the effect of “Ahhh… well… that’s really not the way you’re supposed to record albums… blah blah blah.”  And I almost felt like telling them “We know, guys!  We did one; we just want to record this way instead!  Would you want to do it or not?”  But we just brushed them off and off went the idea.

The idea never died in these past couple of months though and for some reason the idea really gained traction again last month and we tried to reach out to the same recording studio again and got no response (F those guys, by the way.  I won’t mention their name, but F THEM!), so Gonzo reached out to a friend of the band who played in gigs with his band before I joined up because he had recording equipment back in the day.  Turns out that he apparently still had some of the stuff but didn’t really record anything anymore but he knows a guy who does and got us in contact with him.  This guy, Chris, is a BADASS.  Instead of stopping Gonzo and I during our initial meeting to discuss the project at “Well, what we want to do is record the 4 of us playing at the same ti…”, he was all for it!  That alone was a fresh enough take to be open minded enough to want to be a part of it, it made us excited for it.  We couldn’t wait to tell the other two guys in the band that our meeting was a success and we were going to do it if they were up for it and the ball started rolling there.  It what has seemed to be perfect and beautiful timing, a gorgeous and new recording studio has opened up in town by the name of Star City Studio, and as you can see from the article I linked to, these people have created not only a recording studio, but a gorgeous masterpiece AND so happened to have THE perfect place to do what we want to do, which is record live and that’s what we’re going to do in Studio C.  I recorded a YouTube video that shows the centralized control room and Studio C to show to the guys, but more for myself so that I’d remember just how excited I was to see the place where one of the best moments in my life will happen.  Yes, I called it already!  This will be a big accomplishment.  We’re going to release it to the world so that it can be heard and purchased on every platform imaginable (iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, etc.), so that will make two albums of our hard work and dedication that I can show the world.  Show the world that I did something.  I left a mark.  I existed.  I hope it really takes off and makes at least a little bit of noise, if even just locally.

So, we’ll see what happens!  We’re going to record 15 songs live on May 27th of this year in front of whoever wants to show up and be a part of (at least our) history.  I can’t wait.  Our practices and preparations are going to start next week, so I’m sure that things will start to take shape then!

Life is looking up.  Hopefully for you all as well.

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January Madness

Well, what a crazy 3 weeks it’s been to start this month/year.  I will be the first to admit that I haven’t kept up with the gym as I had promised myself, but for some reason outside forces have kept me from getting back there.  Week one was a vicious sinus infection.  There I was New Year’s Eve all happy that I thought I had cheated the sickness around me only to find it hit me early that morning and went full force the rest of the week.  TERRIBLE!  Ok!  I do enough drugs to get myself to get to the gym on Monday, everything is coming up Milhouse and boom!  Family medical emergency goes down and I had to put my life on pause (willfully and gladly I thought I should mention here) to take care of business.  This past Saturday rolls around and it’s my first day to really sleep in in two weeks.  Everything is going cool and I decide to get to my happy place which is cleaning my house and doing laundry when all of a sudden during a 5 minute break at my dining table, one of my chairs decided to take out a finger and there I go bleeding out like some kinda moron who apparently didn’t learn to fear and respect dining table chairs.  Hahahaha!  I laugh at it now because at the time I was literally telling my walls “Really, dude?!  For F’s sake!  I can’t catch a break, man!  If it ain’t one thing it’s the other.  Alright, stupid finger, you can stop bleeding any time you’d like dude.  *insert various other vulgarities here*” So, here I sit at week 3 of this month continually staring at the base of my left middle finger that is still throbbing with pain any time I move it because the cut is at the very base near the webbing between index and middle finger wondering why it is that things are keeping me from getting to my life goals.  What did I ever do, man?  In the words of The Dude in one of my favorite films, The Big Lebowski, “I can’t be worried about that shit man.  Life goes on.”  And it will, my friends.  I may have lost the field at the starting gate, but you better know that I’ll catch up and pass everybody in the race too!  It’s just a matter of time.

In happier news, even with all of the chaos that has engulfed my life, I think I’m really finally settling into a good groove to start off the year.  I decided to finally pull the trigger and get to a project I’ve been having on my mind to do with the house and fill a blank wall with one of my 50 or so movie one-sheet posters I had from my time working at one of the now no-longer-in-existence movie theaters in town and although I really wanted to frame up my Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back one sheet, I chose Ocean’s Eleven instead.  It just made more sense to me.  It fit a few spots I wanted to represent:  comedy, adventure, and of course Las Vegas.  It’s pretty funny when I think about it.  I have little things everywhere in my house that represent little pieces of things that mean the world to me.  I have memorabilia and posters/flags of some of my favorite bands, rally towels and collectables from some of my favorite sports teams in between cool specialty designs of some of my favorite bottles of booze (all empty of course), pictures of family and religious articles proclaiming my Catholic faith, and of course my drums are all in there too.  Almost everything that made me who I am today are there for me to see.  I was looking around yesterday after I put up that one-sheet, one of my 25+ year old Metallica posters, and a Beatles poster I bought about 2 years ago and thought to myself, “Hell yeah, man.  This is you.  Be proud of all you’ve accomplished, man.  It’s been a helluva ride these past 36 years and things can only continue to go up from here.  Be proud of who you are, where you come from, and where you’re going.”  It feels good to have some pride in myself for once in my life.

And you know what?  Things are looking up for me.  Once this stupid finger heals, and I don’t have to worry about MRSA or any other infection I could get with an open cut on my hand where I could easily grab something at the gym, I’ll get back to that full force… Well unless some other calamity occurs in my life before then.  UGH!!!  And sooner than later here, the band is going to start back up and hopefully we’ll get to put a project we’ve been talking about on wax.  Just playing music again with my brothers will be good enough even if the project we have doesn’t pan out.  Overall, it continues to be the happiest time I’ve ever had in my life.  Time to hope that I can finally move this train down the tracks.  I have no more time for delays!

Take it easy, y’all!

Peace out 2016, Holler at me 2017

This is it.  We made it, y’all.  2016 and its crazy ass has finally come to an end.  Globally, I must say we had a pretty bad year.  Lots of terrorist acts, lots of war, and lot of death of people who are known by a lot of other people came to pass this year.  I know a lot of people are upset about it and have been taking note about how bad it’s been for us as a whole.  I tend to agree with them, but in what has been my nature more strongly for the past 5.5 years, I tend to focus on the positives.  I had a lot of positive things happen in my life this year.  In January, I made the decision to not live with anxiety and a too large of amount of stress for me to handle and the positive outcomes came from there.  I did fail, however, to get started on my weight loss goals but that’s to come later.

More great things came this year.  Most notably, I cut half the commute from my drive to both work and my parish and moved to central El Paso and even though I didn’t have any reservations about it, I had no idea at how awesome it would turn out to be.   Everything that I need or like is minutes away and the peace and quiet I get now is an even bigger Godsend.   Another great thing that came about from my change mid-year was that a true nature I’ve always had really flourished like a wildfire.  That true nature I speak of is my introvert nature.  I’ve always had it, but it wasn’t until I was truly on my own that it just consumed me.  I have honestly never been as happy in my life as I am now.  It’s the greatest thing ever.  Now, I have nobody to put a fake act on for, nobody to try to conform to, etc.  I can truly be me now and me is that dude who would rather be left alone, hates and honestly feels sick down to my bones to be in a crowd of strangers for more than a few minutes, who loves to spend time with only a select group of friends, and who finds comfort in music, movies, and the general arts of all kinds.  Granted, the last thing is something that more than just introverts to, I find that I don’t have to feel weird about my musical tastes because I’m liberated to be who I want to be without judgement.

With that all said, my very positive personal life changes has brought about resentment and probably a loss of friendships along the way with it too, but if you want me to be completely honest, I’ll say that if people can’t accept who I am, who I aspire to be, and what I stand for personally, then they don’t need to be in my life.  Simple as that.  I am sick and tired of being surrounded by negativity.  Again, for the past 5 years, I’ve done my best at always living looking at the positive in things and people and I have completely stopped dwelling in the bad in people and in things.  Sure, I’m aware they exist, but I refuse to let it consume me.  I also never have held grudges, but even more so now I forget and forgive as Jesus told Peter in Matthew Chapter 18 verse 21,

“21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

I’m always going to be the same funny, happy, comedic (even horribly punny and cheesy), stupid moron.  I have no time to say out loud or to myself “remember what this jerk did to me?  F that person!”  Nah, that’s stupid.  I refuse to waste my life that way.

So, Sunday morning will bring on 2017 and the renewal of hopes and dreams for everybody, myself included.  I’ve never been one to do New Year’s resolutions, but I will say this.  I’m going to put my plans in motion to get myself in a better physical shape than round.  (LOL!) and I will continue to be the person I am regardless of the consequences of the judgements of others.  I’m going to be me and do what makes me happy.  That’s pretty much stay home, stay focused on my weight loss, laugh a lot more, spend time with the friends and family that accept me for who I am and don’t want to change me, watch more awesome movies, listen to great music, and hopefully make awesome music too.  I have plenty of room for those who want to join me, but if you don’t want to or want to get off the ride; I’m not going to stop you either.  In the words of “King” George Strait, “I ain’t here for a long time; I’m here for a good time.”

Good Enough

I’ve had one of the most interesting weeks in quite some time. Actually, it’s been more like 2 weeks that have been having me thinking about things in my life again. It all started the week of my birthday early last week. My pops shot me a text and asked if he could come over to drop off my birthday gift. I happily said of course and shortly thereafter he and his wife came over. I had such a good feeling having him over again. We talked about sports and the possibilities of fishing and camping this upcoming year and that got me all excited for the awesome times we may be having. After they left the weird thought about it all started to creep in. I wonder if he’s proud of me. I know, some of you may think that even thinking that is stupid enough, but hear me out. I mean, I know that all parents are proud of their children for one reason or another, but there are kids that happen to fail in life in one way or another you know? Some turn out to be criminals, some end up homeless or destitute, etc. You get what I’m saying. In my case, I know that he wishes I wasn’t alone. Dude won’t admit that to me or anything, but I’ve heard it from other sources that that’s how he feels. So I think about that sometimes. Is the way my life has turned out been OK for him? Is this how he thought I would turn out? Did I fail him and my mom (before she passed away 8 years ago) with the choices I made in my life? It really does make me wonder. I’ve always felt that I’ve had to live up to standards that my family set and now that I look at my life, I’m not even sure I have met them. I will say, however, that I’m happy. I’m happy with the way my life is at the current moment. I have a beautiful apartment that’s central to everywhere I need to be, I have a job that gives me very minimal stress, and I have a great group of close friends that keep me very much insane. I can’t ask for very much more. Funny thing is that the thing I had wanted previously, I’m getting now. Peace and quiet. I love silence and the serenity that it brings me. I’ve gotten all the silence I’ve needed as of late. So, back to the question about my dad. I don’t think I’ll ever find out the answer to my question because we just don’t have that type of relationship, but I hope that by him seeing that I’m happy with my life, he can be proud of me.

With that odd cloud hanging over me, I had a very strange week starting this past Monday. A few people from my past or people connected with said past came in contact with me starting this past Monday and to be honest, it put me in a very strange mood. There were plenty of events that I pretty much buried that were dug back up. I buried those things for a reason and I really didn’t want my mood to be killed, but alas there it was. I think I actually masked it well enough during the week and I really tried to get it to not effect me as much as it could have. Some people noticed, but I really think I fought off the worst of it all. Why this week of all weeks, right?!

Which brings me to a more joyous topic, Christmas! Christmas week is here and I couldn’t be happier. It’s my time to get closer to God and family alike. …AND get my Christmas music and movies in! I’ve actually been quite glued to iHeartCountryChristmas for about 2 weeks now and I still can’t get enough. I’m an idiot though! I wonder why I never purchased George Strait’s Christmas album. I need that in my life. Hahaha! But, anyway, Christmas music will be played even more by me this week and our family tradition of gathering at my grandparents house on Christmas Eve will continue this year. I’m getting the chance to bake my celebrated ham, dad’s roasting a turkey, and everybody else is bringing other dishes so that we can have a good meal with family. I can’t wait. On Sunday after Mass, I’ll be sure to be sitting on my couch watching my Christmas Film playlist while sipping on Egg Nog, Hot Chocolate, Coffee, or maybe all 3. Not at the same time, of course. And thanks to the holiday falling over the weekend, I get Monday off as well, so I can’t complain at all.

I hope you all have a great Christmas week as well. We’re almost done with 2016 (thank God!) Everything is starting new again soon enough, my friends! I’m looking forward to the change!

Birthday Fun!

So, today I turned 36.  Damn.  I’m tripping out even typing that.  I didn’t think I’d be where I am, or the person I am today many many moons ago when I thought about becoming an adult.  I’m actually glad the way things have turned out for me honestly.  Over the years friends have come, some have gone, and each day I strive to be a better person.

I thought about just how blessed I am this morning as I woke up an hour earlier than I was wanting to, but immediately opened up my birthday card that my dad and his wife had dropped off earlier in the week.  That visit actually brought along thoughts that I’ll probably share on another post, but anyway I opened up the card and immediately felt the love.  It was cool.  Hell, it actually started after Mass last night when I opened my first present.  It was George Strait’s Straight Out of the Box 2 CD boxset that my sibling gave me.  For those that don’t know, King George is my all-time favorite country music artist so I tried my best to hold the real excitement of it all!  Back to this morning though, after opening up my birthday card from dad, I made a quick playlist of songs some of my favorite artists, including Metallica, Pantera, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, George Strait, and of course Steel Panther!  Then the real fun started!  I got tweets and Facebook posts right after and thankfully they haven’t stopped since then.  What’s even crazier is that my coworkers totally streamed out the cubicle I’m at this week and gave me a KICK ASS birthday basket full of some of the things I love!

I’ll tell you something, my friends.  It’s good to feel loved by the people whom you love dearly, even if it is for one day.  I think my 36th ranks right up there with last year with family in Vegas, my 31st when I threw myself a party at Peter Piper Pizza, got my name announced like a little kid (because it’s like Chuck E. Cheese’s… kids have their birthday parties there for those that don’t know what it is.  LOL), then later on that evening we played a gig at our favorite bar to play at with family and friends around and had a great time.  I think today is ranking right up there with them.  Tonight we’re planning on going to our new favorite bar, to eat after that, then to my place to turn the party dial to a solid 11.  I’m sure you’ll see some of it on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, and/or Snapchat!

So here’s to another year, and here’s to making new friends here on WordPress as well!

What’s in a name?

Last Friday, I got into a conversation with a coworker of mine about past relationships and whatnot.  What brought that along, actually, was the fact that in our work we see a lot of names throughout the day.  Some days, like that day, I come across a name that still brings bad feelings my way.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who lives in the past and can’t get over things… I’m over my past, but at the same time I can clearly recall the negativity of the past as well.  There are really only 2 names that really top the list for me and for different reasons too.  The things that these two did to me were so bad that even the thought of them makes me shake my head in disgust over allowing myself to get so involved.

It was so odd how it all came about on Friday too.  I saw the name and thought about it for a couple of minutes then I asked my coworker if he had any ex-girlfriends/wives or ex-friends who he thought about as soon as he heard their names and sure enough there we both went on this historical diatribe of hurt feelings.  HAHAHAHA!  I shouldn’t laugh about it, but it’s just amazing the lasting effects that close relationships bring us as a species.  Why do we allow ourselves to do that, I wonder?  I mean, why do we allow ourselves to still care even years after the fact?  Romantic relationship wise, I suppose I can understand because people, in general , learn from their mistakes or at least try to and try not to repeat the same mistakes by getting themselves involved with another person similar to their last failed relationship.  This sometimes does not work out.  I found out both personally with my own experience, and oddly enough hearing the story from the coworker I was talking to.  We were both laughing over just the incredible mistakes we made thinking something to the effect of “Well, this woman doesn’t do ___ or ___ or ___ either, so there shouldn’t be any insane problems, right?!” only to find out that there was either similar madness just displayed a different way or a whole new set of problems.  As for me, the “holy smokes, this woman is a completely different type of insane!” ex-girlfriend’s actions didn’t put her on my very short list of names that brings back bad emotions.  Whew!  Thank God!  But still I wonder why some of us keep more bad memories than good ones, especially ones like this last one I mentioned.

I know that losing friendships is another type of hurt too.  It’s a different form of intimacy.  I have only really lost two friends in my life.  Oddly enough I was a common denominator between them too and at least with one of them the other person was the reason that friendship was lost.  I still don’t understand it to this day.  This person from one day to the next just dropped me like a bad habit without even giving me the chance to explain myself or fix whatever it was that was broken in the relationship.  Any time I see that name, and it’s a very very very uncommon name, just bums me out.  At least that other friendship that was lost was a decision on my part because this person ended up being a very horrible person.  They kept a lot of things from me that were only revealed after the fact.  Very creepy things too, mind you.  And don’t get me wrong, I get along with EVERYBODY!  Metalheads, dorks, nerds, gangsters, thugs, squares, loners, country folk, you name it I’m friends with them.  I draw the line at any activity that brings harm upon somebody else.  I will not be associated with anybody that does that, so once I found out this person does things like that AND to friends of mine, I severed all contact.

Anyway, the more I think about the topic now about names and the emotions we associate with them, the more I think about my life experiences.  Every day is a new chance to get things right.  To move on.  To move forward.  Take the lessons learned from your life but don’t harbor the bad.  That’s what I try to do.  That’s what I’m going to really work on this week too.  It’s my birthday week and I can’t be getting all worked up over history.  This week should and will be all about enjoying life with the people I care the most about!  Well, at least I hope that people will give me a bit of their time.

Off Topic Thoughts

Hello!  Me again!  Can you believe it’s December already?!  What the hell happened to this year?!  Where did it go?  Not that I’m complaining though because there has been a lot of negative stuff in the world that came about this year.  Actually, lots of good happened to me personally, but this year as a planet, we had a bad year.  My thoughts of some of it are to come on a future blog entry, but for this one I’d like to focus on my favorite time of the year.  Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day and the thoughts it brings.

There are quite a few times during the course of the week that I get comedically analytic about things that I wonder about.  I think I get it from my love of George Carlin (RIP!).  I always dissect things and ask the questions that people don’t normally even think about to which the guys always tell me something to the effect of “What the hell is wrong with you!?” as they laugh and or shake their head.

Well, one of those introspective thoughts came to me recently.  One of the reasons I love this time of year so much is because I LOVE to listen to Christmas music.  I’m a user of iHeartRadio and they have at least 4 different stations dedicated to nothing but Christmas music and that’s what I’ve been listening to on my way to and from work each weekday and there are a handful of classic songs out there that mention something to the effect of going back home for Christmas or wanting to go back home for the holidays and it brought up a thought.  In the words of the classic Ace song “How Long”, how long has this been going on?  I’ll admit that I’m not going to do any research on the matter and I’m just going to go off of common historical knowledge, or at least common to me, about the subject.  What I can best guess about it all is that people have always wanted to go to the bigger city to find a better and brighter future for themselves.  Fair enough, I suppose I can understand.  My question is if you hated your hometown so much, why the hell are you going back every Christmas or wishing you could if you didn’t?  Why did you leave in the first place?

I know I’m one of the freaks out there that actually loves my hometown and even though I have almost left this place on at least 4 different occasions, fate has left me here.  I’m not pissed about it at all.  The majority of my friends and family are here and I’m pretty centrally located to the places that I would like to go to do the things I love to do like camping (damn! I can’t WAIT for March/April to come about so that I can go out camping again!), visiting 2 of my favorite cities being Phoenix and Las Vegas, or heading east to see my friends who live in east and north Texas (that I really need to get my shit together and start doing).  I can get to those places by my preferred method, driving, pretty easily and none are too far from home where it’s really putting me out money or timewise.

Back to my thought, though.  Why did these people back in the day leave their home and go back for the holidays?  Why do people still do it now?  I know a lot of people that I grew up with that moved away and still live in the cities they moved to but occasional come back here to visit and that’s cool, but I don’t see ‘em writing posts on social media about missing home and whatnot.  I’m talking about the people that you read stories about on your favorite news website or see stories about on the national news broadcasts about airports being jam packed on the days before thanksgiving and around Christmas.  My other question to that is why does this circle keep happening?  Here’s what I mean.  Let’s say somebody in the Midwest somewhere grows up and wants to go to the big city somewhere to do something and goes out and does it, finds somebody, marries them, and has kids… Do those kids wish to move away from the big city and want a more simple life?  Do those kids of kids wonder why their parents live in the middle of nowhere and want to move to the big city?  It’s a big confusing circle, isn’t it?

These are just some of the stupid thoughts that keep my brain going.  I think I missed my calling as a stand-up comedian because I know there’s a bit in there somewhere just waiting to come out.  Ah, oh well.  As long as I can get a laugh or two out of the people who care to listen to some of these oddball thoughts I have, that’s all I really care about.  I’m here to make people smile and not take life so seriously.  I think that’s my true calling in life.  It’s my opinion that you gotta laugh about something at least 3 times a day.  If you aren’t, you’re doing it wrong man.

Have a great weekend, y’all!  I’ll be back sometime in the future with something as equally as odd to talk about!

Love and Peace!

David

Mind Games

It’s a beautiful day outside today where I am on this planet of ours.  It’s overcast, probably with a few sprinkles of rain falling down, and cold.  It’s pretty much perfect weather to stay indoors wrapped up in blankets while drinking some sort of hot beverage.  I’ll get to doing that later on today.  In the meantime, my current workstation has allowed for something that I haven’t done much of lately which is daydream.  I wonder if anybody that ends up reading this blog daydreams as much as I do.  I’ll be honest, it’s a big part of what keeps me in such a good mood most of the time.  Now, I should say that if you come across me in the real world I won’t be with eyes glazed over staring into the far off distance, but any chance I get to sit and take a breather, you can bet I’m letting my mind think about whatever it wants to.  I think it’s a kind of stress reliever for me to be honest.  I always seem to be thinking about things that would be awesome if they happened in real life and not just to me, mind you.  I think deep down inside we all want to live in a peaceful and tranquil place, so that’s no different I suppose.  I just happen to think about it a lot.

I also let myself think about goals I set for myself or things I would like to have.  Some good things have come out of it too, actually.  I’ve planted mental seeds to get myself to go on awesome trips, get myself motivated to change eating habits and get to the gym, and even get-togethers with family and friends this way.  I guess if you haven’t noticed by those previous statements beforehand I’m not very much of an impulse action oriented dude.  I’m very calculated in all my actions, much to the annoyance of friends.  I just can’t help it most of the time.  I need to know what’s going to happen two steps ahead so that I can prepare.

So here I sit, on a break from work pretty happy because of the weather and because of the things that my brain is thinking about hoping for good things to happen.

I hope you’re having a badass day too!

Life Goals

Salutations, y’all!  I hope this Thanksgiving week (for those in the U.S.) hasn’t been all that bad to you.  As for myself?  As always, things could be better, but they could be a lot worse as well.  There’s been something on my mind lately and I think it’s about time that I share some of it.  The topic of “putting myself out there”, marriage, and the alternative being the religious life, has been circling my life again as of late.  I don’t recall myself talking too much about it previously, so I figured I might as well give my take a shot here and now.

As the people that know me or have at least talked to me outside of this digital world know, I’m a pretty quiet and reserved dude.  I really don’t talk too much because I’m of the mind that unless I really have something to say, I’m not going to talk just for the sake of talking.  On the other hand, if somebody asks me a question about a topic that I am interested in or involved in in some sort, I can go on forever talking about whatever subject that may be.

One of topics happens to be my personal relationship life, if that’s a good way to put it.  Inevitably this topic will come up at one point or another with everybody when they start to get to know me if they want to.  I get asked things like “So, you’ve never been married?” and “So, you don’t have any kids?” followed by “Do you want to get married eventually?” and/or “Do you want kids?”  In turn my answers turn into a brief history over how I’ve left myself open for said opportunities and have gotten my heart and soul destroyed in return.  All of those individual lessons and my ever-growing faith in our Lord Jesus Christ has taught me to choose a lot more wisely when it comes to that subject.  Those two reasons pretty much get in my discussions with other friends about why I refuse to just go out and try and get with any woman who will have me, or go out and do these one night stand type of deals or whatever else.  It doesn’t appeal to me at all.  Actually, to be honest, I find the idea repulsive.  I can already hear my a-hole friends getting their loving insults ready to throw my way over even stating that, but it’s true.

Of course, after that is all said, the follow up comment to that usually is “well, if you’re not going to put yourself out there and go to places and whatever, why don’t you just become a priest!?”  L O L!!!!  I’ll note that I’m laughing because the majority of my friends are protestants and have NO idea of what the priestly life entails.  Sure, it’s a very important job and a great blessing from God, but it’s not for every man.  It’s not as easy as “Well!  I couldn’t find a wife, much less even a girlfriend, so I might as well just enter the seminary!  Woo!”  A lot of thought, prayer, and most of all a calling from God is needed for a man to successfully enter a seminary and dedicate their lives completely to Christ and His church.  There are no children of your own, no marriage, nothing of the sort.  I know in my heart of hearts, God’s plan calls for that in my life eventually.  And if not that, then it calls for a solitary life as a layman and not in a religious order.  Even though many people have told me that my character is that of a priest or what they believe a priest to be, I know it’s not where I should go with my life.

With that being said, going back to the marriage thing, I don’t want to just get married for the sake of being married either.  I know everybody wants to do things right and whatnot, but I really truly believe it.  If I ever do find that woman, I want to do things the right way.  I want to abstain from committing impure acts either alone or together.  I’ve done my fair share of committing grave and mortal sins for the fun of it and it’s gotten me nowhere.  I want to base my relationship on God, the way it should be.  After all, one of the main points of marriage is to help to get your spouse to Heaven.  I  want to have that type of relationship where that’s going to be put on Front Street right off the bat.  I know our society has made a mockery of traditional family values and that moral sense of obligation that I’m talking about, but I believe it with my whole heart.  In reality, we only get one shot at it in the eyes of God as it is (that is if you get married in the Church and go into the marriage with the full intention of said sacrament) so you are right if you think that I’m going to be really selective with my criteria.

I really hope it happens, to tell you the truth.  I hope that I’ll be part of one of those families that I see every Sunday morning at Mass.  Mom, dad, and children all building a more solid relationship with God one day at a time, one prayer at a time, one Mass at a time.  That would be cool.

Well, that’s all I got for today y’all.  Have an awesome rest of the week!  And for those reading in the U.S., have a great Thanksgiving!  Get food drunk and enjoy the day!

David

What is and What Could Have Been

Sometimes I wish I had a bit more human interaction so that I can come up with topics to write about because I really do enjoy writing this blog.  But then that would mean I’d actually have to talk to strange and stranger people.  Yeah, never mind.  Heh.  That doesn’t sound like it would be any sort of fun at all.  Not to me at least.  I’m weird, I know.  I’m that weird dude that will go out to a restaurant to eat alone.  The weird dude you see at the bar keeping to himself.  That guy.  That’s me.

Anyway, with the little human interaction that I do get, mainly at work, a certain thought came up.  What would have happened if things would have turned out differently in my youth?  Specifically moving away from my hometown of Anthony, and furthermore my old man choosing a house on the east side of El Paso as opposed to the (shitty) westside.  Yeah, I said it.  Shitty westside.  I really don’t like anything about it, but that’s neither here or there.  Back to the question I posed myself, what would have happened?  I think my life would have been radically different.  I would have never met my very close friends that I have now and God only knows where I would have ended up in my life.  Not that I’m one of those people who dwells on the “what if” factor and whatnot, because I really don’t, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give it a quick thought.

I think parts of me would have stayed the same.  I know I would have still been a percussionist, but I would have either graduated from Franklin (shuttering at the thought) if my old man had gotten the house we checked out in the westside, or if nothing would have changed and we wouldn’t have moved I would have graduated from Anthony.  Either way, I know my friends wouldn’t have changed as a few of them actually went to high schools in west El Paso anyway.  Who else would I have hung out with?  Would I have joined some rock band like I did in my real life?  I’m sure I would have.  Where would I have gone career wise too?  Maybe things would have ended up differently.

All strange things to think about, but I’m happy that things turned out the way they did.  I still keep in touch, pretty much on Facebook, with a few friends of mine from Anthony (as I lived there from birth to age 11) but I gained some pretty incredible badass friends that I met on the eastside of town.  It’s wild to think that my best friend now is some dude I met for the first time only a few short months after I had moved.  Granted we really didn’t start hanging out until years later, the fact remains that we’ve known of each other’s existence for 25 years.  My other best friends (might as well be brothers) I met only 4 years after that.  Heh, come to think of it, I’m a man who finds comfort and just stays with it.  That explains all of the failed relationships I’ve ever had and every other thing that has happened in my life.  LOL!!!!  The old motto “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” goes a long way in my book.  Sometimes I don’t see that things are completely destroyed before it’s too late and I’m stuck on cleanup duty in the aftermath.  Now, I’m not saying that I should find new friends, I just went on a quick tangent on my ex-girlfriends.  I apologize.  What I’m trying to say is that I really do love how things turned out in my life.  I’ve met the most incredible people, both in real life and online, and although I can look back and wonder how things might have been I’m very happy the way they are now.  I’m 3 weeks away to the day from 36 years old and each day that comes and goes, the happier I am with my life.

That’s it for today, y’all!  I hope you have a badass weekend!  Stay safe and take time out to be thankful for what you got!

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