Eleven Years Gone

Hi y’all!  Long time no talk.  Trust me, I’ve started and erased a few blogs here and there with all the crap that has been going on in my life, but in retrospect, I guess it’s good that those rants/ideas/what-have-yous went unwritten and unpublished.

Today brings about a sad day for me.  Yes, I am very much aware that today is D-Day, but for me today marks the day that my life changed.  Today, 11 years ago, my mom passed away quietly and peacefully surrounded by her brothers and sister, my grandparents (dad’s parents), my sister, father, and I.  Just typing that brought me back to that moment having to be gloved and gowned up in her room, telling her how much I loved her hoping that that was the last thing she heard before going to purgatory.  Shit, I’m crying now.  Gotta keep it together.

Well, 11 years have passed since then and many things have changed.  Dad got remarried, I have gone through a few horrible heart crushing relationships, I became very much closer to God, and sister and her husband had two boys whom I love to death.  Those are just some of the things that have happened.  Of course there’s a lot more, but the overwhelming hurt is still just as fresh as it was that afternoon in that hospital room in Lubbock, Texas eleven years ago.  Maybe I should have talked to somebody like my dad was forced to do (and didn’t really get anything out of it, mind you) because the minute that I really give it thought, I break apart.  Maybe that’s normal?  I don’t know.  It’s my normal.  There’s still so much that I wanted to share with my mom and have things to learn from her.  49.8 years on Earth is all God had lined up for her and 27.5 of my years with her is all He gave me, but I’m grateful for every one of those.

So, with that said, even though I’m booked up after work today for a bit, I’m going to take some time out of my day when I get home to think of her and remember to try every day to be better so that I can make her proud of me.

Keep me in your prayers, y’all.

2 thoughts on “Eleven Years Gone”

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