Happy to be Sad

It’s currently Friday night and inspiration has finally stuck to put finger to keyboard.  The past week has really just kicked my ass up and down.  I’ve been so busy that I realized that my tether from ok to being pissed off because I haven’t been home long enough is less than a week.  I have been going nonstop since thanksgiving and it finally got to me on Wednesday.  I was in a horrible mood and I was not nice to a lot of people.  I couldn’t really pinpoint it until I remembered that I just haven’t been home to do my thing.  And by my thing, I mean relaxing.  Alone.  Some people just don’t understand my need for solitude and my need to be home the majority of my free time. Things finally turned around yesterday as I just had to make a quick pit stop at my sister’s and I got to see the kiddos for a minute then I got home to spend quality alone time.

Today brought along new old adventures.  I was my heterosexual lifemate’s plus one at a holiday party just like last year and our walk through downtown to get back to our vehicles was just beautiful.  It’s so amazing what transformation is currently happening in downtown El Paso.  Granted, there are still buildings that are big-time eyesores and I don’t mean this to sound bad, but there are some stores with cheap merchandise that just look bad in and around downtown too, so there is still some work to be done, but the area around the newish-ly renovated plaza that acts as the unofficial center of downtown is thriving.  I work there, so I am getting to see the changes first hand, but I’m hardly ever there at night.  During the day with all the construction going on, it’s just a maze of madness.  Currently at night now, the streets are blocked off and the plaza is blocked off, and the plaza is lit up with Christmas lights, there are families and couples everywhere enjoying the city, and the new businesses and condos that have opened up are all open and thriving too… it’s just a beautiful sight to see.

I mentioned the thought to my heterosexual lifemate that it looked like a perfect place for a date.  Take the newly refurbished streetcars from uptown into downtown, stroll through the park all decked up with lights, maybe go into one of the many bars or restaurants for a cocktail and/or meal, take the streetcar for a ride through the downtown loop, and call it a night.  The thought of doing that seems so cool… then the reality hit me.  I got nobody to do that with.  Sheesh.  I’m not gonna lie, allowing myself to think about it makes me a little sad about it, but you know what?  It’s ok.  I have an otherwise happy life, I have friends and family that care, and I got my place to come and get away from everybody and recharge when I need to.  And by the looks of things, I can’t leave my place for more than 3 days until I start getting pissed off.  It’s good to know these things.

I hope you have a great weekend.  December starts tomorrow.  How crazy is that, right?!

4 thoughts on “Happy to be Sad”

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