An Outlet

Hey y’all!  I’m back with more thoughts from this ol’ dome of mine.  I just had a nice long weekend thanks to one Christopher Columbus and having that extra time gave me a lot to think about.  I also refreshed the look of my page here for the first time ever, but I figured 7 years with the same layout was a good run.  I tell you, I’m not good with change.  LOL!

First of all, and quickly, I’ve decided to be even more regimented than before and I think it’s actually working out for me quite nicely!  After a few years, I’ve finally gotten tired of wasting my one true day off on Saturday by either having to clean, do laundry, or be committed to go anywhere.  I’ve been making it a point to clean my joint up and do laundry on Wednesday and Thursday to give me Friday night to start my 1½ days of freedom.  Now, funny enough, when I mentioned my entire week (Monday gym, Tuesday Grandparent’s Day, Wednesday/Thursday Clean and Do Laundry, Friday & Saturday let the chips fall where they may, Sunday Mass then NASCAR/NFL) to some friends, they shook their heads in shame.  For some reason, they can’t comprehend the fact that I am very structured.  Not only do I have my designated days for things, but I try to go to bed at the same time every day and it’s early at that, so even more reason to get ridiculed.  What can I say?  I need that structure in my life.  It makes me happy.

By allowing myself to have those 1½ days of freedom between Friday afternoon and all day Saturday, I gave myself the opportunity to catch up with some programs on Netflix, HBO, and Showtime.  I had been wanting to watch Kevin Smith’s and Henry Rollins’ respective specials on Showtime for a while now and when I finally did get around to watching them, boy did they give me even more sadness about myself.  I’m trying to use the right words too, because maybe sadness isn’t quite it.  Regret, maybe?  I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’ll try to explain here.  As I’m sure I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I have a very needy creative mind.  I’m a musician, and if it were up to me, I’d also probably be some sort of public speaker, creative writer, something!  I feel the need to express myself via those two art form mediums pure and uninterrupted, and that’s why I’ve had this blog for 7 years running now.  I don’t get paid for writing it, but it soothes that creative itch to share those expressions that feel they need to get out of me.  Additionally, yes, if you are seeing this blog post on clonesn.wordpress.com and not the wordpress reader, that mic’ed up drumset is mine.  That was taken the last day I played them which was Memorial Day Saturday of last year.  It goes without saying that I desperately miss playing music.  It’s not really my fault that I haven’t.  Life has gotten in the way of my bandmate’s and I’s schedules and the band has taken a backseat.  I’m free now, but they really aren’t so that’s left me with this unscratched itch to play in a band.  The thing with that is that I need to play music with people that I know.  I just can’t play with complete strangers.  I need to know their musical likes, dislikes, and style of playing so that we can see if we’re compatible.  I know it sounds snobbish of me to say, but that’s the truth, so I don’t want to go to Guitar Center or Craig’s List or somewhere and try my hand at auditioning for some band or to form a band myself.  Maybe if things get bad enough, I might resort to it, but I don’t know yet.  Anyway, while watching Henry Rollins’ special, he told the story about his band, Rollins Band, opening up for Ozzy Osborne somewhere in Florida in the early to mid 1990s and playing for a crowd of roughly 25,000 people.  I don’t want to ruin it much for you, but something about the story struck me.  The thing that made me think was that Henry has now purposefully retired from music.  That, I learned from his latest appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast, but in any event, Rollins at one point in his life played for a crowd of 25,000 people and even though they didn’t really cheer for him anywhere near as loud as they cheered for the headlining act, he got a response and loved every minute of it, but now finds himself not wanting to keep that dream alive.  He says that he has nothing else to say lyrically.  I find that insane to believe, really.  How can you not write songs about the experiences that he has now traveling the world gathering stories to speak of on his “talking on stage” tours?  Maybe he gets the same rush from the hundreds to a few thousand people he gets at the venues he gets booked at, and that’s cool, but to me the rush you get from playing music has to be different.  You’re speaking a universal language where somebody who doesn’t even speak English can understand the music you’re playing and their energy combines with yours to create even more emotion and musical expression.  I know, I’m getting too deep here, but my point is that hearing that story of him playing got me sad that I haven’t every had that experience in a rock band setting.  I’ve played for a few packed houses of a few hundred people and I can still tap into that feeling and crave more.  It got me wanting to play my drums and get people to connect with either me or a feeling inside themselves and right now I don’t have an outlet for that.  I guess sadness is the word I’d describe how I feel about it.

I finished Henry’s special and went on to Kevin Smith’s special.  Now, for those who know me in the real world, you know that I am a big Kevin Smith fan.  I was really looking forward to seeing this Showtime special for a few weeks now since it’s come out, but it was only until this weekend that I actually had the time to do it.  I wasn’t disappointed.  The one message that Kev always tries to put out on any of his numerous podcasts and now this special is that anybody can do what he does.  Everybody has a talent.  Chase your dreams!  I hear this every time and I say to myself “Hell yeah, man!  You’re right!  I should write more!  Play more music!  Make more people laugh with the stupid things I say!  Something!  I have these creative gifts, I should freakin’ use them!”  And well, here I am!  I figure this medium will be the closest I’ll ever get to going up on stage and talking about my life and maybe hopefully inspire somebody to follow their dreams or save them from ruin with one of the many stories of my life.  My feeling of needing to help those who are in need of a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and ear to beat, whatever, is out there.  I’m gonna follow what Kev told me and do this.  If all I ever do is connect with you, then that’s good enough for me.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post!  Until next time, y’all!

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