I am Who I Say I Am

Change, shit

I guess change is good for any of us

  • Tupac “I Ain’t Mad At Cha”

Hello again y’all!  And while I’m at giving salutations, hello October!  Sadly it’s still 90°F or higher regularly here in El Paso, so it’s not quite fall yet.  At least the sun kicks rocks by 7:30pm.  I’ll take what I can get.

So, change.  I’ve been thinking about change lately.  I despise most change.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll put it on Front Street again.  Change sucks in my world.  I’m a creature of habit, and I’ll be the first to defend it.  Why try and fix something that isn’t broken?  Allow me to explain.  I hate spontaneity in most situations.  I have found that the older I get, the more I value order.  I bet some of you right now are probably thinking “Holy smokes.  This guy is weird!!!!!!”  Well, jokes on you!  I’ve always been weird!  Haha!  It’s just now; order has taken over the majority of my life.  I have found that peace and quiet and things being in their designated place makes me the happiest.  Some people actually tell me I have OCD because I’m so clean and organized and well, after seeing this, I don’t think so.  I only matched up with 2 out of the 11 signs and symptoms.  The wild part is that I hit up with 7 out of the 12 compulsion symptoms.  That’s kinda concerning now that I think about it, but I think some of those are bullshit if you want me to be honest.  In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with “washing and cleaning”, “orderliness”, or “following a strict routine”.

WHEW!!!  Read this (and weep haters!):

“There’s a difference between being a perfectionist — someone who requires flawless results or performance, for example — and having OCD. OCD thoughts aren’t simply excessive worries about real problems in your life or liking to have things clean or arranged in a specific way.

If your obsessions and compulsions are affecting your quality of life, see your doctor or mental health professional.”

After reading that, I feel a little relieved!  You know what it really is?  It’s my ever blooming true and real self finally shining through.  It’s my real INFJ nature that isn’t scared of ridicule anymore.  Wanna know what I mean?  Read this, this, this, and this article.  They all describe me to a T.  I know some people will dismiss the Myers-Briggs personality types as fake news and whatnot (I’m looking at you, heterosexual lifemate!), but then again these are the types of people who are skeptical about everything.

You know what?  Sometimes there isn’t a rhyme or a reason to things.  Sometimes things are the way they are because of no concrete reason.  God made certain things to remain a mystery (oh, and yes the Trinitarian God does exist, y’all.  Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).  There’s a certain mystery about life that needs to remain a mystery.  Not everything needs to be explained.  That’s what some of us call “faith”.

Sorry, I got sidetracked, but yes!!!  Sorry, Myers and Briggs and their personality test have finally put a name to my quirkiness.  It’s finally made me realize that it’s ok to be a weirdo in the eyes of everybody else.  As this article shares, YES I need those 12 things in my life to be happy.  No, I don’t feel bad for saying it either.  It’s only taken articles written by people like me who have shared their “is it just me that does this weird action, or feel this way” feelings and actions that has made me feel comfortable with being myself.  I’m a person who is rooted in structure, routine, planning, organization, and cleanliness to just name a few.  Yes, I do things on specific days, because that gives me the opportunity to give myself time to either be alone or to share my time with a very select group of people on my days off.  Speaking of that, I can’t just wake up on a Saturday morning, get in my truck, and go on a day trip somewhere.  Oh no!  That gives me anxiety just thinking about it!  I need to know at least my first few steps of every day before I get them started.  And while I’m at it, when you come over to visit me, no I don’t have a maid.  I clean my place up and I clean it up regularly.  Clutter sucks.  Everything has its place in my flat, and for the most part it’s all clean all the time.  I know the stereotypical male’s domiciles are supposed to be trashed and reeking of bad B.O. and 12 layers of intense parties, but I won’t apologize for having a fresh, clean, and organized apartment y’all.  LOL!  You should see my areas at work!  Organized and clean rules here too!  Don’t even get my started with my truck!!!  How do people live with having dirty, clutter filled work desks and vehicles?  Dear Lord in Heaven help these poor souls!

So, there you have it.  In a long way of saying it, I think I’ve changed over the past years.  Recently I thought about the people who were in my life more than 5 years ago who aren’t any more and wonder what they would think of me now?  Would they still have given up on our relationships?  Would they decide to stay?  It would be nice to have the opportunity to tell them not to worry.  I wake up every morning feeling better, more secure, and more content than the day before.

Until next blog, y’all!

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