Love, Love, Love

Hello all!  It’s another beautiful day here on planet earth.  I’ve had something on my mind for quite some time now, but it’s especially been beating itself like a pinball all over my dome for about the past 20 or so hours.  That thing on my mind is love and kindness.  It’s pretty strange because everybody I know is afraid of it or thinks that the act of kindness towards them is either not genuine or has bad undertones to them.  I don’t understand that rationale at all.  Are we that jaded as a society now where simple kindness and the outward showing of love and compassion have now become wrong?  When, how, and why did this happen?

Let me backtrack a bit and shed some backstory to all of this.  Growing up, I was primarily raised by my mother.  Dad was busting his back working and going to school to provide for my mom, my sister, and I, so needless to say aside from days off he was either at school or at work.  Mom was a stay-at-home mom so I learned the basics of life from her.  Thankfully, I also inherited her personality, but she had a heavy hand in shaping that and bringing that out.  As my grandma (dad’s mom) will tell you, I have a Trejo (that’s my mom’s maiden last name) heart.  Mom was a very shy person who had nothing but love towards everybody she encountered.  Anybody that ever knew her can tell you that.  She had very few mean bones in her body and the only times they every came out was whenever my sister or I pushed her buttons, as any child will do to a young mother like mine was.  After my teenage years, however, we never pushed her buttons.  Besides that, however, she was the coolest.  She would always go out of her way to help out everybody in her life and even strangers while never expecting anything in return.  She was just nice.  Not to self-gloss or anything, but looking at myself, I find that I do the same thing too.  She never outwardly told me that the way she lived her life was the way to do it, she always led by example.  Be kind, be gentle, be caring, be loving, and be giving.  To go along with that, though, she never stood up for herself when she was wronged.  She had a very big fear of confrontation and would never call out wrongs to the people who wronged her.  I learned that too, as I am as non-confrontational as she is.  Hell, I’m probably even more non-confrontational to be honest.  I don’t have a mean cell in my body.  I jokingly tell anybody who gets into this topic with me that I can’t sincerely be mean to anybody.  Now, I’ll joke around with my friends and say horrific things to them, but all in fun as that’s the way we generally play around and interact with each other, but to say something mean to somebody and actually be serious about it?  Oh hell no!  I could never!  The thought of hurting anybody physically or mentally breaks my heart.  All of it, in my opinion, has to do with my upbringing from my mom.  She was the one who also taught me the beginnings of my faith.  God bless her, as she tried the best she could to teach us about God, but considering that we only had one vehicle growing up and our church was too far away to walk to, we rarely attended Mass on Sundays.  Sadly, even though my mom knew about her faith, I don’t think she was as educated as I feel I am getting now.  I think I know the reasoning behind that, but that’s for another blog post (and honestly that will probably ruffle some feathers with my opinions).  The point I’m trying to make by saying that is that now that I am learning more and more about my faith each passing day, I’m finding that even though my mom could never quote scripture, never taught us to pray regularly, or anything like that, I’m finding that her basis on life and love was Bible based.  Just look at Matthew Chapter 5, Verses 21-26.  Matthew Chapter 5, Verses 43-48.  1 John Chapter 4, Verses 7-21.  And Romans Chapter 13, Verses 8-10.  All of those speak about love.  We are commanded to love and mom knew that.  That’s what she did.  That’s what I try to do every day.  Fast forward to 2008.  In June of that year, my mom passed away.  Even typing that seems very strange to me.  Part of me refuses to acknowledge what happened, actually.  It hurts to remember that truth.  Anyway, when mom passed away, I didn’t get angry with God or lose my faith.  I actually held onto God tighter than I had before.  I knew that his love and mercy would guide me through that horrible time.

In the 10 years since then, not much has changed for me.  Well, I take that back.  Yes it has.  3 years later when I nearly attempted suicide, I learned to let go of my negative feelings.  I had this tendency to harbor my bad thoughts and keep them for a rainy day when they’d all come out at once and would have pretty bad consequences for me.  After that fateful July in 2011, I learned to acknowledge the negative feelings, and channel them out one way or another quickly before they dug their roots and grew.  That’s why, for those who know me or follow me on other social media platforms than here, you see me releasing bursts of madness every now and again.  I’m human and it’s going to happen to feel anger or other negative feelings, but I get that in, channel it out quickly, and get over it.  The only thing that stays is love and peace.

That brings me to recent history.  I’ve been meeting new people recently who have gotten to know me better.  The thing that these people tell me, eventually, is that I’m too nice.  (insert screeching tires sound effect here)  Wait.  I’m too nice?  What the?!  What is that supposed to mean?  I was told the same thing again yesterday during a conversation.  I asked in return, “I’m too nice?” and the response was “yes.”  I wanted to pry more into that but the conversation moved elsewhere, but the question remains.  Why am I too nice?  What do people expect from me?  What does anybody expect from other people?  And why is it such a crime to be nice to other people?  When did that become such a bad thing?  Have we degenerated that much to where the simple act of kindness, and/or love comes from a non-genuine place?  It is so sad to know that for the most part, this is true.  Everybody around me is always so negative.  For example, I had a friend who basically had no trust in anybody.  You were guilty until proven innocent and even then you were still a little bit guilty.  There was nothing but hatred from this person and it ate me up inside that all they gave out was hate.  If you weren’t on their side, you were against them and you were hated along with everybody else.  It was so draining to be around this person.  Another person I know of goes to my parish.  They say the word I groan about to hear.  That word is “liberal”.  “That place is fine and all, but they are run by liberals.”  “Oh, it would be great if (insert whatever here) but the liberals will ruin it, blah blah blah.”  Nothing but hate from this person and they are a believer and follower of Christ (supposedly)!  But never have I heard anything positive from this person, just hate and anger.  It makes me sick to hear it, so I try to avoid them as much as possible.  Come to think about things, in the past few years, society has just broken down into angry cliques.  Helping out your fellow man is a thing of the past.  It means you’re expecting something in return for your work.  Nobody does anything just for the sheer love for another person.  In the words of George Carlin (even though here he was talking about the baby boomers), we have the mentality of “GIVE ME THAT!  IT’S MINE!!!”  To expand on that, not only is it “give me that, it’s mine!” society has also dictated, “You know what?  I’m not going to feed you, give you water, clothe you, give you shelter, visit you when you’re sick, visit you if you’re imprisoned, to bury you if you die, or to give you money if you need it.  You know why?  Because I EARNED MY MONEY!  I EARNED MY TIME, I EARNED EVERYTHING I HAVE AND YOU DIDN’T!  YOU DIDN’T EARN ANYTHING!”  If you notice what I was talking about just now, those were the 7 corporal works of mercy found in the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ. That’s what we’ve devolved to.  I shake my head just thinking about it.

I told said person in response later on in the conversation I spoke of earlier that I will not apologize for being nice.  I’m being honest about that.  The things that I do for other people, even if I complain about it at first, I do out of the love I have in my heart for everybody I know.  I may not say that to everybody because that’s another thing people freak out about when you tell them “I love you”.  AHHHHHH!!!!! YOU SAID THE “L” WORD!!!  AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  No, people, love isn’t a dirty word.  Love isn’t a thing reserved for the few.  It’s for all of us.  We should stop looking at all the negative and stop spreading hatred and learn to look at the positives.  We need to learn, as a people, how to give love, and how to accept love.  I’m not sorry for showing anybody love and neither should you.

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