Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

Good Enough

I’ve had one of the most interesting weeks in quite some time. Actually, it’s been more like 2 weeks that have been having me thinking about things in my life again. It all started the week of my birthday early last week. My pops shot me a text and asked if he could come over to drop off my birthday gift. I happily said of course and shortly thereafter he and his wife came over. I had such a good feeling having him over again. We talked about sports and the possibilities of fishing and camping this upcoming year and that got me all excited for the awesome times we may be having. After they left the weird thought about it all started to creep in. I wonder if he’s proud of me. I know, some of you may think that even thinking that is stupid enough, but hear me out. I mean, I know that all parents are proud of their children for one reason or another, but there are kids that happen to fail in life in one way or another you know? Some turn out to be criminals, some end up homeless or destitute, etc. You get what I’m saying. In my case, I know that he wishes I wasn’t alone. Dude won’t admit that to me or anything, but I’ve heard it from other sources that that’s how he feels. So I think about that sometimes. Is the way my life has turned out been OK for him? Is this how he thought I would turn out? Did I fail him and my mom (before she passed away 8 years ago) with the choices I made in my life? It really does make me wonder. I’ve always felt that I’ve had to live up to standards that my family set and now that I look at my life, I’m not even sure I have met them. I will say, however, that I’m happy. I’m happy with the way my life is at the current moment. I have a beautiful apartment that’s central to everywhere I need to be, I have a job that gives me very minimal stress, and I have a great group of close friends that keep me very much insane. I can’t ask for very much more. Funny thing is that the thing I had wanted previously, I’m getting now. Peace and quiet. I love silence and the serenity that it brings me. I’ve gotten all the silence I’ve needed as of late. So, back to the question about my dad. I don’t think I’ll ever find out the answer to my question because we just don’t have that type of relationship, but I hope that by him seeing that I’m happy with my life, he can be proud of me.

With that odd cloud hanging over me, I had a very strange week starting this past Monday. A few people from my past or people connected with said past came in contact with me starting this past Monday and to be honest, it put me in a very strange mood. There were plenty of events that I pretty much buried that were dug back up. I buried those things for a reason and I really didn’t want my mood to be killed, but alas there it was. I think I actually masked it well enough during the week and I really tried to get it to not effect me as much as it could have. Some people noticed, but I really think I fought off the worst of it all. Why this week of all weeks, right?!

Which brings me to a more joyous topic, Christmas! Christmas week is here and I couldn’t be happier. It’s my time to get closer to God and family alike. …AND get my Christmas music and movies in! I’ve actually been quite glued to iHeartCountryChristmas for about 2 weeks now and I still can’t get enough. I’m an idiot though! I wonder why I never purchased George Strait’s Christmas album. I need that in my life. Hahaha! But, anyway, Christmas music will be played even more by me this week and our family tradition of gathering at my grandparents house on Christmas Eve will continue this year. I’m getting the chance to bake my celebrated ham, dad’s roasting a turkey, and everybody else is bringing other dishes so that we can have a good meal with family. I can’t wait. On Sunday after Mass, I’ll be sure to be sitting on my couch watching my Christmas Film playlist while sipping on Egg Nog, Hot Chocolate, Coffee, or maybe all 3. Not at the same time, of course. And thanks to the holiday falling over the weekend, I get Monday off as well, so I can’t complain at all.

I hope you all have a great Christmas week as well. We’re almost done with 2016 (thank God!) Everything is starting new again soon enough, my friends! I’m looking forward to the change!

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