Last Friday, I got into a conversation with a coworker of mine about past relationships and whatnot. What brought that along, actually, was the fact that in our work we see a lot of names throughout the day. Some days, like that day, I come across a name that still brings bad feelings my way. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who lives in the past and can’t get over things… I’m over my past, but at the same time I can clearly recall the negativity of the past as well. There are really only 2 names that really top the list for me and for different reasons too. The things that these two did to me were so bad that even the thought of them makes me shake my head in disgust over allowing myself to get so involved.
It was so odd how it all came about on Friday too. I saw the name and thought about it for a couple of minutes then I asked my coworker if he had any ex-girlfriends/wives or ex-friends who he thought about as soon as he heard their names and sure enough there we both went on this historical diatribe of hurt feelings. HAHAHAHA! I shouldn’t laugh about it, but it’s just amazing the lasting effects that close relationships bring us as a species. Why do we allow ourselves to do that, I wonder? I mean, why do we allow ourselves to still care even years after the fact? Romantic relationship wise, I suppose I can understand because people, in general , learn from their mistakes or at least try to and try not to repeat the same mistakes by getting themselves involved with another person similar to their last failed relationship. This sometimes does not work out. I found out both personally with my own experience, and oddly enough hearing the story from the coworker I was talking to. We were both laughing over just the incredible mistakes we made thinking something to the effect of “Well, this woman doesn’t do ___ or ___ or ___ either, so there shouldn’t be any insane problems, right?!” only to find out that there was either similar madness just displayed a different way or a whole new set of problems. As for me, the “holy smokes, this woman is a completely different type of insane!” ex-girlfriend’s actions didn’t put her on my very short list of names that brings back bad emotions. Whew! Thank God! But still I wonder why some of us keep more bad memories than good ones, especially ones like this last one I mentioned.
I know that losing friendships is another type of hurt too. It’s a different form of intimacy. I have only really lost two friends in my life. Oddly enough I was a common denominator between them too and at least with one of them the other person was the reason that friendship was lost. I still don’t understand it to this day. This person from one day to the next just dropped me like a bad habit without even giving me the chance to explain myself or fix whatever it was that was broken in the relationship. Any time I see that name, and it’s a very very very uncommon name, just bums me out. At least that other friendship that was lost was a decision on my part because this person ended up being a very horrible person. They kept a lot of things from me that were only revealed after the fact. Very creepy things too, mind you. And don’t get me wrong, I get along with EVERYBODY! Metalheads, dorks, nerds, gangsters, thugs, squares, loners, country folk, you name it I’m friends with them. I draw the line at any activity that brings harm upon somebody else. I will not be associated with anybody that does that, so once I found out this person does things like that AND to friends of mine, I severed all contact.
Anyway, the more I think about the topic now about names and the emotions we associate with them, the more I think about my life experiences. Every day is a new chance to get things right. To move on. To move forward. Take the lessons learned from your life but don’t harbor the bad. That’s what I try to do. That’s what I’m going to really work on this week too. It’s my birthday week and I can’t be getting all worked up over history. This week should and will be all about enjoying life with the people I care the most about! Well, at least I hope that people will give me a bit of their time.