Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

Caged Rodent

I’ve had my eyes pried open in the last 16 hours.  Honestly, it’s been longer than that but yesterday was the last straw.  I’ll admit it.  I was pissed off.  Mainly at myself.  Hell, I still am.  I’m such an idiot.  For more reasons than I can count.  I won’t share all of them here on my blog because I would rather keep some of my disdain to myself, but I know that sometime in the past few weeks I managed to hit bottom and I didn’t even realize all of it or rather put full thought to fruition until this morning.  Knowing that really got me in a salty mood too, which thankfully for the people I’m interacting with, I’m keeping it under wraps.  It’s all smiles and jokes from me, as per usual.  I should go to Hollywood with some of the acting skills I got.

The good news about it all is that I acknowledged the things that have me pissed off and bitter and I’ve started the work to get those thorns in my side the hell away from me.  What has me frustrated is that I put myself in this position in the first place.  I keep asking myself how I could have been so stupid, then I remember just who the hell I am, and I find my answer.  You’d think after 35+ years I’d learn, right?  WRONG.

hole

So, this vicious cycle has come to another full revolution and I’m finding that I’m starting to turn the damn wheel yet again.  The difference this time is that I’m going to look at my situation like an addict and not like some jackass with all the hope in the world looking far down the road.  I have to take things day by day.  As long as I wake up and stay on the path I’ve set out for that day, then I can’t lose.  Enough of this “setting goals for a week, month, year, etc” crap.  That’s just going to set me up for failure.  I gotta wake up and do what I need to do for that day and feel good about that, crash out, and repeat.  As long as I do that and see the results that I’m looking for, I can’t lose.

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