Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

Riding Brain Waves

Isn’t it funny how the mind works?  Dreams, in particular, as I’ve blogged about on 3 previous occasions have always brought me a prospective on life that I either don’t notice, or actively try to avoid.  Most of them either deal with frustrations in my life, or other emotional things I happen to be dealing with at the time.  This morning’s dream was no exception.  My brain gave me that swift slap upside the dome that has me thinking about the ways to approach my life.  Thanks to the dream interpretation website Dream Moods and talking with some friends of mine, we have determined that my natural action of always putting others’ in front of myself is affecting my needs to the point that my subconscious is dropping hints like the girl that it is.  LOL!  Sorry to sound misogynistic, but y’all know that stereotype that women always dance around the issue instead of just putting it on Front Street, right?!  No?!  Maybe?  Uh…Heh…

Anyway!  Yes, my brain and subconscious are tired of me not tending to my needs first.  The primary need in my dreams that my brain is asking for is to be reenergized.  What’s also become apparent is that I keep going around in circles in certain aspects of my life (which is very true by the way), and my time is running out.  In all fairness, everybody’s time is running out, but you know what I mean.  I keep getting sidetracked from my goals because I don’t have the balls to tell people that I need to put myself first instead of doing whatever it is people ask of me.  It’s that guilt I have of letting others down that is screwing me over.  I know I’ve been crying out in the past few blogs about how my introvert-ness has finally gotten the chance to spread its wings and whatnot (and oddly nobody in the real world that I interact with believes me), but with that comes the need to recharge my proverbial batteries by staying home and/or keeping to myself.  I also need to get my ass back in the gym and because of the fact that I’m running on empty, I’m finding that sleeping the 8 hours that I devote to sleep during the week just isn’t cutting it.  I’m waking up every day just mentally exhausted and thus physically tired too and since the gym I go to is all crazy and packed (and therefore not a fun time for me) during the afternoon/evening I am not going to the gym.  My need for sleep is outweighing the need to lose weight and change my lifestyle.  I suppose it’s coming to a head now.  I need to put my foot down and start doing things for myself.  My only hope is that the people that I interact with in the real world here in El Paso will understand that I’m going into hiding pretty much.  I have to do it.  If not now, then it will never happen and I can’t let that become reality.  Call me selfish, call it a dick move, or call it what you will, but I need to think of myself first for once in my life.  I just hope and pray it goes the way it needs to go.

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