A Sight For Sore Eyes
Well, this weekend worked out very differently than I thought it would for a few different reasons. The one instance this weekend that I want to share with you, however, was a moment that I had wanted/needed for 8 years. I finally got the chance to attempt to tell my mom just how much I miss her. Honestly, though, it’s not something that I actively think about. No offense to people not like me, but I really don’t like to dwell on anything negative much. Bad memories, hurtful things, horrible experiences, etc… I let them go. Now, that’s not to say that I’ve forgotten about my mom… and I should actually backtrack a bit and mention that my mom passed away in June of 2008, but I don’t go around living my life feeling sorry for myself or anything like that. I know my mom wouldn’t want me to be that much of a wuss. I know she wanted me to pick myself up off the floor, dust off, and soldier on. I wouldn’t be able to live that way anyway. What’s the point of being all emo for months on end about a passing of somebody close to you? Yes, I know it sucks. I know just as much as you do, but we all have to find solace in the fact that God has a plan for all of us. The people that pass away in your life before you fulfilled their plan. It’s as simple as that. If we’re ALL good, we will see these people close to us again.
Anyway, forgive me as I step off of my soapbox and get back to the point. I had my first real moment in 8 years with my mom at about 3:40am on Saturday morning. I was deep in sleep when all of a sudden I found myself standing in a kitchen with brown granite countertops and beige walls and as I stopped focusing on the polished steel refrigerator I noticed that I was talking with my mom. She looked like the last time I saw her relatively healthy, which was around April or May of 2008. I can’t tell you what we were talking about, but when I noticed that I was actually seeing and speaking to my mother, I stopped her right in the middle of her sentence, held her hand and pulled her in for a hug as I told her “Mom! Wait! I need to tell you that I miss you SO much!” I saw her face so vividly and I couldn’t even get the words out before I broke down crying. I woke up with my eyes just flooding with tears and I realized what had just happened and I could still feel my hand touching hers and I looked up at the crucifix that was over her casket that is now hanging on one of my bedroom walls and audibly said “Thank you for that moment, Jesus. Thank you so much.” And I just broke down crying. I knew it was her and I knew that I had gotten the chance to see her, touch her, and tell her that I miss her so much.
I cried and cried for a good half hour just thinking about how much my mother means to me and how fortunate I was to see her again. 8 years is a long time and so much has happened since then. I say that but say at the same time that 8 years is nothing either. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that we were making our new creations in the kitchen, laughing while listening to music. She taught me so much, and I took it all for granted. I’m slowly learning and remembering all the things she taught and tried to teach me even to this day.
So, I’ll end my tale that I’m typing out with tears in my eyes to say to all of you to cherish the time you have with your loved ones. Never take the people you love for granted and let them know each chance you get that you love them. I know there are people out in the world that hate to hear that, “I love you”, but tell them anyway (What’s wrong with those people, by the way?). But when they go, don’t feel too bad either. If you ask, God may grant you another visit like He did for me. If we live by God’s example and by the words of His son, our Lord Jesus Christ, we are assured to see them again when we pass on too.