Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

If it makes me happy

I’ve had so many things that I’ve wanted to talk about lately, but I never seem to find the time to really flesh out the ideas to and of course life gets in the way so I forget what it is that I wanted to babble on about.  There is one thing, however, that has stuck in my dome and that is happiness.  Some of my best friends will tell you that I’m not happy, but I can assure anybody reading this right now that I’m probably the happiest that I’ve been in a very long time.  Things in my life have actually really come together quite nicely as of late and I’m finding my daily routine to be what I’ve really wanted for the longest time in my life.  It’s such a strange thing to say too, considering my current life situation, but holy smokes I am having a great time!

As most of you know, I’ve recently moved to the central area of my beautiful city, El Paso, and it has really been a blessing that I didn’t even know I was looking for.  Crazy to say, right?  It’s true though!  I’m 12 or so minutes from work, 10 minutes from church, 2 minutes from my gym (when I decide to get my fat ass back in there), and I’m 2 minutes from various grocery and big box stores.  Hell the big box store is in a mall that has some pretty interesting things too including an inferior pictureshow joint to the better Cinemark Theater locations here in town, but when in a pinch, that will have to do.  So, I say all of that to say that I have nothing to really complain about as far as driving goes because Lord knows I hate slow idiot drivers and I don’t have to deal with very many of them in my journeys now.  Good thing with that as well is that I’m not really using too much gas either, so I’m saving money there too.  All and all, it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.  My new joint is pretty chill as well and has really thick walls so I don’t have to have my music or movies at a whisper level because none of my neighbors can hear the noise and I can’t hear theirs either.  It’s pretty badass, to be honest.

So, I say all of that to confidently say that I’m just about the happiest I will ever get all things considered.  And by all things considered, I would be totally happy if my mother was here to see all that I’ve accomplished with my life.  I know, of course, that she is always with me in spirit, but it’s just not the same and I can honestly say that I will never truly be 100% happy without her here.

Now that I have made myself tear up a bit, I can get back to some of the things I’ve wanted to say about my journey to happiness.  Over the past few years, I’ve slowly discovered the people and things that bring me peace and happiness.  It’s been great to take the journey I’ve taken to find those people and places and I’ve learned so much in that time too.  I have our Lord Jesus Christ and the blessing that has been FSSP to guide me along my spiritual path.  I also have my small circle of close friends whom I consider family, my blood related family, and lastly I have the places outside of my personal space that makes me happy.  If you know me, you should know that those places are either camping out in a forest in the area, the greater Phoenix area, and of course Las Vegas.  Soon, I want to add going to San Diego to that list, but that’s another story entirely.

Funny thing about all of that is that for some of the people I hold dear, that isn’t good enough for them for some crazy reason.  I can’t understand why that is, honestly, but they think that I need to be in some sort of romantic relationship or in some friends with benefits agreement to fulfil a part of me that is apparently missing.  Actually, I was laughing at even typing that out because for as much as I would have loved to have that back in the day, I have learned to accept and adapt to the reality of the situation.  That situation is that the chances are highly likely that neither of those scenarios will ever happen.  Oddly enough, I am perfectly ok with that too despite what people may think.  Don’t think that I am coming to that conclusion irrationally though.  I have had a lot of time to think about it.

Hell, thinking about that now just puts a smile on my face.  What comes to mind, actually, is the thought of spending time with my close friends doing the things we love to do.  That’s what makes me the happiest.  Most of the time that just involves hanging out trying to make each other laugh while drinking various adult beverages, creating music, listening to music, or a combination of all 3.

I will add to all of this that when I am not hanging out with my friends, I really do enjoy the solitude that I have.  It’s beautiful to come home to a quiet place and do life at my pace.  My pace usually includes the first 30 minutes to 1 hour of quiet.  Then normally it’s podcasts or music if anything while I cook dinner.  I’ve never been much of a TV watcher and even now the only thing I’ll find myself watching is sporting events, mainly NASCAR (as you should all know if you’ve gotten this far in reading this post).  It’s a beautiful thing, peace and quiet.  The only downside is that I don’t have much time between getting home, making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, and general recharging before I have to call it a night during the week.  I don’t mind too much, to be honest, as I’ve gotten used to not having time after work and before sleep.  It’s a good thing for me that I LOVE to clean because that takes up a lot of my free time too.  Funny thing about that is how surprised people are when they come to visit to find an organized place that doesn’t smell like bawls and booze.  LOL!  I’m a dude, but why expect some kind of slummy bachelor pad.  I guess they don’t really know me then!  I am very organized and a clean freak, which goes well with my other odd qualities.  Hahaha!

So I say all of that to reiterate that I’m happy.  I’m the happiest that I can see myself getting with everything considered, so I hope that the people that care can stop worrying about me.  I’m Kool n’ the gang and I’m having the time of my life.  I wake up every morning happy for what the day will bring and enjoy every minute of every day.

More to come later!

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