Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

…I’ve had a few

Have you ever been struck by somebody else’s life story or ongoing life events where it just shakes you to your very core and makes you just stop and evaluate your life? No? Me either. Hahaha! Seriously though… I get those moments from time to time and last week was one that is STILL affecting me today. This situation involves the comedian Quincy Jones. Yes, I said the COMEDIAN Quincy Jones. See, I spend the majority of my time listening to podcasts at work while I work and one of the podcasts that I listen to is The Crabfeast with Jay Larson and Ryan Sickler. I’ve been listening since the pod started way back in the day 202 episodes ago on the Toadhop network. If you haven’t heard this podcast, do yourself a favor and listen to it. It’s essentially people telling stories about situations that meant something to their lives in any way. Most of the time insane laughs are had and it brings the listener back to their childhood. It’s a great podcast.

Well, with that said, for episode 200, Ryan and Jay had Quincy as their guest. I had never even heard of this dude, but holy smokes did I find out about him really quick. I might as well spoil it as the guys do in the description of the pod that Quincy has stage 4 mesothelioma and may not survive the fight, but damn is the dude cheery AF! They bring it up early in the conversation before they go into Quincy’s backstory (which is wild, at times hilarious, and at other times downright scary) and dude comically speaks about how he could very well die pretty damn soon, but he is fighting it and is going to make sure to bust out new material and get an hour special in before he goes away if that indeed is his immediate fate. It was such a great outlook that he had on the situation, but one thing that he said towards the end of the pod really messed me up and got me thinking about myself.

The one thing Quincy said that got me was the big R word. What R word you ask? REGRET. Having only until August to live (or so some of his doctors had told him previously), regret came into his life just a bit. Regret of the things he hadn’t gotten around to yet, like goals his mother had for him and he did for himself too, like getting married and having children. Man, hearing that really gave me that kick to the guts for me as well because I immediately thought of myself and being put in a situation like that of starting death in the face. What the hell is on my to do list that I haven’t gotten around to doing and would feel bummed out about not being able to do considering said situation? One of those things is to get married and have kids. I know that idea for some people is disgusting and horrible and they HATE kids or the idea of having any themselves! Hell, I’m friends with a few of these people myself!!! LOL! The wild thing is that I’m just the opposite, but in the eyes of most of the opposite sex, I’m a C.H.U.D. Of the worst degree. I and my self esteem, which is deep in the red, along with it have grown to accept that I am not desirable material so quite honestly I’ve stopped giving a damn about it too. Call it what you will, sad, stupid, whatever… that’s just the reality of things and I’m sick and tired of wasting my energy on it. To be perfectly honest, not allowing myself to feel sorry for myself has actually given me a great freedom to enjoy what I do have in my life. I have great friends, a fun job, a vehicle that I love driving, a dream drumset, musical soulmates to express myself musically, a loving family, and the knowledge that our Lord Jesus Christ loves me and I love him.

I cherish and take note of all of the good memories I make with any of these previously mentioned people and things and try to brush off the negative. 88.712% of the time it works, but it’s the little reminders like death staring a comedian in the face that bring up these regrets that we all have. Some regrets are bigger than others, and some are just events that occurred due to your actions that you just can’t take back but remain as regrets nonetheless. Some people say to not have regrets, but personally I think that’s bullshit. We should have regrets. Some things are meant to be pondered, you know? There’s a fine line between making something an issue affecting life, but there are somethings that you have to remember that you have done so that you don’t do them again, you know? Mistakes and such. Like getting romantically involved with the same time of person that crushed your soul before or doing drugs and/or drinking then making yourself available to the public in said mental state. Those type of regrets. LOL.

Getting back to the point though, when Quincy mentioned the wife and kids thing, it just kinda crushed me a bit because homeboy feels the way I do, except to the best of my knowledge I’m not going to die any time soon or have the high percentage chance to. Quincy does and somehow has to reconcile his life with that fact and quite honestly I don’t know how he does it. This dude has bigger balls than I could ever have myself to stare a stage 4 cancer in the face and tell it to kiss your ass because you have better plans that just calling it a day and waiting to die.

Anyway, I really hope Quincy beats this thing because homeboy deserves to have all of the things he desires in life. The world needs to laugh at the jokes he’s written and will write in the future. And with that said, I need to continue to focus on living my life to the fullest and living each day like it’s my last too. I gotta laugh more, I gotta make other people laugh more too, and I gotta sit back and enjoy sunsets here in the beautiful Southwest United States more often than I do. We only get so many sunsets in our lives. It’s a good thing to pause and give yourself those couple of minutes to thank God for each day He gives us here on this planet of ours.

Be good to each other, tell the people that you love that you love them, and never take your life for granted.

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