Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

The odd man out

So, I just had a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine here at work during lunch and it’s got me thinking… well, more wondering than thinking, but thinking nonetheless.  See, I have ALWAYS lead a different life than the normal person out on the street.  That’s not to say that nobody is unique, but I think I take that to a different level.  Hell, just look at the way I dress!  I can go from suit and tie, to chain wallet wearing heavy metal shirt wearing dude, to cowboy and I’m being genuinely myself.  I’m the same with my music choices!  I listen to nearly everything except for essentially everything that’s on 102.1 or 104.whatever on the FM radio here in town.  That’s basically hip hop, “rap”, EDM, etc… that’s shit.  Add that horrendous Mexican “banda” ear murder to my list while we’re at it.  But really, aside from that, I listen to it.  I’m that weirdo that can cruise down the street and have Pantera’s song “Yesterday Don’t Mean Shit” playing and follow it right up with The Bee-Gees “Night Fever” and not even think it’s awkward.  Yeah, I’m that type of person.  I suppose that’s why I find myself rolling solo deep.  LOL.

Anyway, in this conversation, a weird thought occurred to me.  It dealt with motivation.  What motivates me?  It’s a simple answer, actually.  Happiness.  We all want to be happy, right?  For some people getting it in with as many different people makes them happy.  For other people, material possessions make them happy.  Some people just want to get and stay high/drunk to be happy.  Me?  Being comfortable makes me happy.  I couldn’t give a rat’s ass for money, a fancy assed house, some panty-dropping inducing car, “nice” clothes.  That’s nothing to me.  I can’t take that with me to purgatory when I bite it, so why deal with it now?  I think Colossians chapter 3 verses 1-17 says it best when it says:

Mystical Death and Resurrection.

1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek what is above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Think of what is above, not of what is on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ your life appears, then you too will appear with him in glory.

Renunciation of Vice

5 Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and the greed that is idolatry.6 Because of these the wrath of God is coming [upon the disobedient].7 By these you too once conducted yourselves, when you lived in that way. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, fury, malice, slander, and obscene language out of your mouths.9 Stop lying to one another, since you have taken off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed, for knowledge, in the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcision and uncircumcision, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all and in all.

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. 14 And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.15 And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.17 And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I’m still working on a lot of that.  Like obscene language for one.  Heh.  Oops!  But the point is, is that I’m trying.  And yes, what I am here for is love.  I just want to be cool with everybody and love those who are close and dear to my heart.  Peace and love.  Not any of this earthly madness.  I don’t need it nor do I desire it, thank God!

So, all of that said, I remembered a moment I had with my mom when I was 17 or thereabouts about my future.  What I really wanted to do when I grew up was to be a locomotive engineer for what is now BNSF. I had wanted to do that ever since I was born.  But then, in order to get into the program to do it at Johnson County Community College in Overland Park, Kansas, I needed 30 college credit hours.  I had no idea what I was going to waste my time getting those hours with until I went to Las Vegas for the second time ever as my graduation from high school trip.  I fell in love with the hotel industry.  It was so cool to me to be there amongst the thousands of people a day meeting new faces all the time, having a new experience every day.  It was awesome!  So it was then that I told my mom that I would be happy working any job in or around a hotel lobby in Vegas.  I didn’t care if I was some lowly rent-a-cop, or a bellman, or front desk agent.  Money?  Pfft.  Who cares?  As long as I had enough of it to survive (meaning a temperature appropriate place, food, water, and some sort of bed), that’s all I would need.  I didn’t care about some big assed fancy house or anything.  After hearing that my mom looked at me and gave me the “WTF?!” look and said I didn’t know what I was thinking, etc… But truth be told mom, because I know you’re reading this up with baby Jesus, I did know what I was talking about and I still do.  I STILL feel the same way.  Honestly, I would love to live out in southern Nevada working as a front desk agent or hell, even a bellman!  That would be awesome.  All I would need are the bare essentials for survival.

So there it is, my friends.  True happiness in the form of love for baby Jesus, my friends, and family is what drives me.  THAT’s what important to me.  I had to get that thought out of my head.  I’m not normal.  What can I say?



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2 thoughts on “The odd man out

  1. Sallie on said:

    Knowing is half the battle, but the fight is not over. I think you are wonderful at what you do. I love hotels too. You have to have some joy in your job. I think your skill set in much higher then what you have hopes for and there is nothing wrong with that! My dear friend my hope for you is to achieve your dreams.

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