Forever a Clone

I'm just a clone, talking away while nobody listens

Restart… GO!

I’ve been meaning to write this blog out for a few days now, but life has gotten in the way.  It’s actually been a good thing this time.  I’m normally complaining about that.  I’ve needed that last little bit of the party to get ready for this journey I’ve decided to put myself through.  The last thing I want to sound like is one of those New Year resolutioners talking about “New year, new me” garbage.  I’m of the mind that if you really want to change, who cares about what month you start?  It just so happens that I’m starting this life check of mine as of January 5th (physically at least) because life has gotten in the way beforehand.  And shut your mouth if you say “Excuses, excuses!!!”  No, man, sometimes you have to let life happen.

Anyway, yes.  This reset button that we all used to have on our video game consoles before these things got to crazy for me to bother with them?… that’s what I’m pressing.  I have to.  How funny.  My life found a way to spin out almost out of control again and this time in a completely different direction.  How the hell does that seem to happen in my life?  I really wish I knew.  I suppose the big reason is because I let it.  It’s rare that I really stand up for myself when life starts to get nutty.  That’s part of my Achilles heel.  I’d rather take the hit than hurt somebody else’s feelings… or get my feelings hurt for that matter.  I play things way too safe, I think.  I’m always afraid of the negative reaction.  Why the hell is that?  Why can’t I tell that woman I find beautiful that she is?  Why can’t I tell people that I don’t want to go anywhere on a Saturday night?  Why can’t I tell people the things that they do to me hurt me?  Damn you self esteem!  You bastard!  You’ve probably screwed me over a lot of cool experiences!  Haha.

Oh, hell.  Here I go, rambling… AGAIN, but that’s where my mind is taking me to get this thought of out my head.  Stay with me, friends!  There’s a point to all of this!  Trust me!

Ok, well, where should I really start the meat and potatoes of this thought?  I guess I should say that this has been a long time coming.  I knew for about 10 months that things needed to change.  This life of mine needed to change.  Not too many things, mind you, but the financial things that have been weighing me down are quickly coming to their exit from my life and this next chapter that I want to embark on was going to start to come into my life.  It was all going to hinge on this year, 2015.  Things are getting real, let me tell you.  2015 is here and the freedom that it’s going to usher in is very much in sight.  It’s been a long time coming.  The 15 years of penance for my sins are almost paid in full.  You don’t know how good I feel about that.  A lot of things have happened in those 15 years to get me here though.  There were lots of trials, hardships, deaths, pain, sorrow, depression, heartbreak (more times than I’d care to remember), despair, you name it I went through it.  If it wasn’t for my friends, and the occasional adult beverage, God knows where I’d be.

And that’s not it either… this damn lifestyle of mine has screwed me in the health department too.  I was a real badass about it up until this garbage around 10 months ago up until last month really screwed that up all to hell, but I’ve always kept it in my head to not give up even though my appearance has said otherwise.  With that being said, I’m going to turn back the clock and get my self back into crazy gear.  Doing that and getting myself to where I want to be won’t be easy though.  It means my schedule is going to be waking up at 3am, get an hour in on my old trusty friend the Arc Trainer at the gym, eat a meal of breakfast food, go to work, hope my calories keep me going all day, get back to the house, consume more calories, and be back to sleep by 7pm.  Some will say I’m crazy, some will ask why the hell I’m waking up so early, some will try and get me to do whatever eating thing they are doing, but I will say that yes… I am crazy, I’m waking up because I’d rather do that and have 3 hours of free time after work, and no… I don’t give A DAMN about how you think I should eat this or that or do this or that.  What I do and have been doing previously works and I don’t give A DAMN if you think I’m wrong.  I got this.  If you feel the need to say anything about it, praise whatever progress I make.

So, there’s two problem areas in my life that I’m taking the time and energy to fix.  This long road… these 500 or so days to complete redemption start in earnest NOW.  Ideas have now moved to action.  Come spring/summer of 2016, you’ll be seeing a little better version of this moron here.  I’m excited.  I’ll be a lot healthier in more ways than one, my bestia will be fixed back to her former glory (she’s been through a lot lately.  LOL poor truck), and God willing I’ll have a nice quiet place to lay my dome on to keep on keeping on.

So, keep with me, my friends.  It’s going to be a fun ride.  I’m glad that you are all going to be here to share it with me.  I love you all!  I’ll be talking in long form again soon!

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